Citalopram to Sertraline - feel worse - will it get better?

[Imcrackingup]

Struggling with depression for a while now, have been on Citalopram for about 5 months - went up to 40mg.
Seeing a psychiatrist trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD...but he is actually worried about my state of mind anyway. I've been suicidally depressed in the past and I don't think I'm that bad...struggling but still managing to force myself to do things. Admittedly the only thing that is stopping me giving up all together and hiding under the duvet is the fact that I don't want to get as bad as I was before and I know that's what will happen if I do...
I think seeing him is making it worse anyway - the first time we were at cross purposes and I felt despondent afterwards...I asked about changing medication and he said I didn't need to - I also asked my GP too.
I know some of that was I had been building it up for months - get the diagnosis be on the way to be 'cured' and then it didn't work out the way I was expecting. Then I picked myself up and did things to help me feel better...which I felt was working.
The next time I saw him I had got myself ready for a fight- but he seemed to think I wasn't doing very well mentally. And suggested changing meds (also I had a mild side effect from citalopram) so I am being weaned over. Not wanting me to go into withdrawal/leave me unmedicated I reduced my citalopram to 20 and took 50mg sertaline for a week. This week I am taking just 50 mg sertraline moving up to 100mg in a few days.
Thing is I am feeling really bad ...worse than even before I started antidepressants...
I want to cry and hide and give up - I feel that the future is bleak. I feel ready for a sleep every afternoon - yesterday I slept for hours today I am barely functioning awake...
I am forcing myself to do stuff - but not the stuff I should be doing - I am having massive sort outs and leaving a trail of mess everywhere...
I think as well talking about stuff in the past churns it all up - and I am constantly thinking about what we talked about and what will happen at the next session. He asked me why I was so upset at the start of the last session and I didn't know - or couldn't articulate it - but I keep thinking about that. And if I am worse than I thought I am - and I think I might be. I feel truly desperate to not feel so bad.
So I am wondering if it is just the change over in meds and once I get upto 100mg it will get better -or maybe sertraline isn't for me - or if it is all the thinking....or if I am really on a downward spiral, losing control and it terrifies me

[SmileAndNod]

I've recently made the swap as well. I found the first couple of weeks awful. I couldn't sleep, I felt sick and dizzy and really weepy all the time. I'm about 6 weeks in now and slowly feeling more normal, whatever that is.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and am awaiting yet another appointment where they may change my medication again.
At the moment im not sleeping and when I do I have terrifying nightmares. This is probably more trauma related though. I've been through too much in the laSt 18 months.

On new years eve I really wanted to end it all. I don't know how im still here but I am. I know that I need the medication to barely cope.

I can relate to the strating tasks and leaving a trail of stuff everywhere. I feel sometimes that my brain is overloaded by simple things and I constantly feel overwhelmed.

Sorry I'm rambling now. Hope you feel a bit better soon

[imcrackingup]

Thank you smile ...that's a relief -it could just be the change.
I will give it more time -another week or so. I was just feeling absolutely overwhelmed and seriously worried that I was losing control.
I've got a really nasty cold today, been sleeping most of the day and felt down earlier - not what I need, my life is a car crash etc etc
But now actually my mood is now slightly better -as I know there is a reason I feel so lousy and it will get better in a day or so...it has been a distraction from endlessly thinking or rather trying to not to think about negative stuff.
I don't know if this helps but I suspect my suicidal depression was part of PTSD -I had a traumatic time - I should be thankful I was alive and I wasn't.
That was a long time ago (20 yrs) and I don't know if this helps but there are parts of the whole experience that I find sort of funny now..like a tragic comedy -just when you think it can't get any worse...it does...
I found talking about it 'took the pain away from me' - made it into a kind of a horrible story. It has got better. And I don't think that is the reason why I am where I am now...
Hope you feel better too...