What would happen if I killed myself?

[EverythingsDozy]

Seriously, what would happen to my kids if I killed myself?
I'm a single mum to two beautiful dc but their father makes my life so hard I'm not sure I can take this any more. He verbally agreed to me taking the kids abroad and now it's all booked and paid for he's saying no. He's just being cruel for cruels sake.
He's said he won't give me written permission to take them but it's on me if I choose to do it but I know he's so cruel he would phone the airport to make sure they don't let us on. And if we do get on, I can see him getting me arrested for child abduction which would mean I would lose my job and I definitely wouldn't get accepted onto the course I have applied for.
My boiler has been broken for a week but I'm not an emergency case so it's not getting fixed until tomorrow. We have been freezing for ages.
Is this how life is?? Is it meant to be this hard??! I hate hate hate it! I hate my life. I just want it to end now. But I'm terrified my kids will end up having to live with their dad which they don't want. What can I do????

[amysmummy12345]

haven't any advice but I'm here xxx

[Smutlybobs]

It's really tough right now but it gets better, I promise.
Do you have someone to talk to in real life?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Talk it through with an expert, they can tell you

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

clickable link

[PaperdollCartoon]

I've been where you are, in fact I've even tried a few times, so I know what this feels like. I know what it feels like to think you have no other options. But I promise, it can absolutely get better. Have you seen a GP and told them how you're feeling?

[gettingtherequickly]

((((Hugs)))) I think that the father would get custody unless there were exceptional circumstances, so all the more reason to keep going,

Can you speak to someone irl?

[scurryfunge]

If you feel you will harm yourself imminently, then present yourself at A and E and speak to the crisis team. Otherwise, Samaritans will offer good advice. Break each problem /issue down to manageable bite size chunks that you can plan to deal with. If your ex is emotionally abusing you, then speak to the police.

[originalmavis]

You have to be there for them. Their dad sounds like an arse. Who would look after them? It sounds like you just can't depend on him - how far can you distance him?

Good and crappy times are just temporary. Remember when you were really happy - you can be that person again, honest.

Sadly being a 'responsible adult ' means that there will be shitty times. Show your kids - teach them how to cope - so that when they have their own tough times, they can emulate their fantastic mum. The mum who was there for them, loved them and even froze her butt off with a shitty boiler.

[usre]

They'd grow up without the one person in life who could have made their lives fundamentally secure and happy inside, that's what. And they might grow up with a horrible father and stepmother as well.

I had an abusive parent, not a nice one, and I feel the loss as an adult all the time. It destroys you inside.

Practical level - you could call the Samaritans right now for a talk if you wanted? Have you talked to your GP about ADs at all?

It sounds like you'll have some warmth tomorrow, that'll help. You have a job, you have a future, you can get through this.

Please don't let this pig-ignorant shit of a man ruin it for you, he has no right. Are you sure he won't flick and change his minds on those flights again just to fuck you off? Can you get refunds?

Keep holding on.

[Medicaltextbook]

I'm sorry this is so hard.

I don't have your parenting experiences but a lot of others here do and can maybe talk you through strategies they use to cope. That is for the future.

For different reasons I have felt desperate in the past and have contemplated harming myself/tried. What stopped me initially was remembering the other people in my life and the effect it would have on them. Gradually it then was that the antidepressants I took and therapy I had began to work. These aren't instant and it doesn't take away underlying problems but they got me to a point I could deal with things better.

What I picked out from is your two beautiful DC. They need you and need you as healthy as you can be so please go and see your GP about your feelings. Also I have found the Samaritans very helpful.
Best wishes

[EverythingsDozy]

My sister has paid for the holiday. We are meant to be going to disneyland for Christmas.
I know that this is only meant to be temporary but it just seems never ending! My ex left on New Years when I caught him in my bed with the other woman and he's been a complete knobhead ever since. Hes only seen the kids three times this year so he isn't concerned for them at all. I barely get a break from it all. I'm just exhausted. There must be more to it all than this.

[EverythingsDozy]

I'm already under the care of the gp for depression. I havent seen my gp for a year due to maternity leave so I've temporarily been seeing a different one and in that time I've lost 3.5st and finally got a job so I was so excited to see her this Friday when she's back to tell her. Now I'm just going to have to tell her that it's all turned to shit again.

[Handsoffmysweets]

Someone will be a long with better advice soon but can he actually stop you taking the kids out of the country?

[Handsoffmysweets]

And it hasn't all turned to shit OP! You sound like you're doing an incredible job bringing your kids up. Are there any formal custody arrangements in place? It sounds like it would do your mind some good to have something solid in place re access visits etc.

[peppatax]

Keep going OP. It's hard I know but the fact you care so much means your children will be lost without you. Can your sister talk to
XP?

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

Firstly the best way to make sure your kids never have their useful fucking father as their primary carer is to live!!
Secondly you can't be arrested for taking your own child while you have parental responsibility - which if they live with you then you do have!
Is your surname the same as theirs? If so you won't be stopped at all at the airport.

[EverythingsDozy]

He can phone the airport and tell them that I don't have permission to take them. It's bullshit! He has rights to stop me but what about my rights to take my kids on holiday? I can finally treat them, my sister has been incredibly generous paying for this and I'll never be able to pay her back, especially if we can't go. I'm just devastated. No formal custody but I'm going to try and get a residence order after all of this, in which case I wouldn't need to ask his permission!
He will never agree to this now. His back is up and he's incredibly stubborn.

[TheoriginalLEM]

could you post in legal regarding getting permission to take the kids? if he has only seen them 3 times how will he even know when you are going?

The boiler will be fixed tomorrow or on its way to working so snuggle with duvet tonight.

Some practical advice and perspective there.

some for you. it can only get better now that pig has left.

Your children need theirum - suicide isn't an option so stop dwelling on it.

[Mum2twoUnder4]

You stay strong. You have two kids who need you.

If you hurt yourself your children would go to their dad. You don't want that and neither do your children.

A trick I use for staying warm in that odd time of year when it's not cold enough to use the heaters is to use candles. I usually place 10 of them on a surface (safely of course) and keep the door shut. Thick socks on, leggings and a nice hoody and I'm nice and toasty in no time. The candles give the room a nice glow too :).

I'm not sure about the holiday thing but try to talk to him. Either that or be preemptive and ask advice from police about the situation. Then when/if he behaves like a dipshit when you're going away, you have your back covered. Have you any message/email/voicemail/note at all where he's stated that the holiday is ok for the kids to go on?.

[BaronessEllaSaturday]

You can apply to the court for permission to take them. No reason to think it wouldn't be granted. You will be able to go.

[Whooptydoo1]

Hi op, I think like pp have said your children would likely be in the care of their father, who could potentially deny your family access to them, things must be so hard for you at the moment, depression can be consuming, overwhelming and it's hard to see your way through the darkness, but your children need you in their lives, they deserve their lovely mum, and u deserve to see them grow up, if u need to just take things a day at a time, or if that seems to much right now a moment at a time, perhaps you could see the gp again and ask them to up/change your medication? If you feel you might hurt yourself ring the Samaritans or go to A&E, your asshat ex doesn't deserve the satisfaction of you giving up, he's clearly a complete wanker xx

[QforCucumber]

Have a read of this link - rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-law-relocation-holidays-abduction/ if the children usually are in your care then it's not seen as abduction I think. If he's refusing to consent you can get an order to go.

[ImperialBlether]

It's so hard, OP, but the fact is that you are the only person that your children have and want. If you end your own life then they will be completely screwed. You know you don't want that for them.

As the others have said, he can't deny you the right to take your children on holiday. If it has to go to court then that's what has to happen.

Stay strong for your children - nothing lasts forever.

[EverythingsDozy]

I hope not. I just feel like I'm not meant to be happy. I really thought that my life was finally starting to turn a corner and reality has come to smack me down again.