Scared at how bad I feel

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I have very bad depression at the moment. I swing between feeling numb and feeling hopeless. Split up with my boyfriend (short term thing) last weekend and seem to be fixated on the idea that if I can get him back then everything will be ok, even though it was me that finished it.

I'm not actively making suicide plans, because I could never do that to my children, but part of me wishes I could go back in time and tell my teenage self to do it properly then (I took an overdose at 16). I feel like I can't tell anyone in real life how bad I feel and I'm so scared.

I'm on medication and have been signed off work. I'm going through a very nasty divorce right now and I'm terrified my ex will use this against me and take the kids off me.

I'm currently locked in my loo at home, sobbing away, hiding from my children so they don't see me crying (again).

I saw my GP yesterday and I really have to try and get through the next few weeks until my meds start to work.

I'm just scared and feel so alone.

[AnxiousCarer]

Big hugs, its a horrible feeling. You've done a positive thing by seeing your GP, hang on in there. Has the GP offered any councelling alongside the meds? Or can you access any from other sources eg if you work? This will pass and things will get better.