One year on and I feel the same

[FlorenceMary]

This time last year I tried to kill myself. I just managed to make myself really ill for a while, and the Crisis Team told me that I'd be happy that it didn't work when I was better. I had two weeks off work and then that was it, back to normal.

I've made it through a year and I'm not on any ADs anymore and everyone thinks I'm better. I'm not though. I'm not happy that I survived, I just see it as one more thing I failed at. I've become really good at acting like I'm fine. I can even make jokes about it, but I'm not fine, I'm just as low as I was last year.

Where do I go from here? I don't think I can sustain this much longer.

[AnxiousCarer]

SorryHave you got any ongoing support? If not I would suggest discussing how you are feeling with your GP. Did the antideppressants help? Would it be worth starting them again? Were you offered any councelling/CBT? You could ask for a referal for this to deal with why you are feeling this way?

If you are feeling unsafe now please contact the crisis team or samaritans or go to your local a&e for help.

It sounds like you just carried on without dealing with the reason you were feeling like this in the first place. This probably needs working through with a councellor/therapist before how you are feeling will change. I have been where you are now and at can get better with the right support.

[FlorenceMary]

ADs have never made a difference. I saw the crisis team daily for 2 weeks then discharged, did 6 months on 200mg sertraline then that was stopped. Had CBT in the past and found it useless.

Just annoyed with myself for not managing to succeed.

[colouringinagain]

OP so sorry you're feeling so bad still. In my and my dhs experience, cbt is at best a sticking plaster and ads while helpful don't deal with what brought you to that place last year.

Decent therapy can really make a difference though. Please try and go back to your gp and be honest and say you need more indepth counselling/therapy to really address what is causing your depression. With very best wishes

[AnxiousCarer]

6 months on antidepressants doesn't seem that long, I've been told that they should be taken for 6 months after you reach the full benefit, was on mine for 18months first time and 12 months the second. There are also lots of different ones and not all work for everyone, so if sertraline didn't help its worth asking to try a different one.

[FlorenceMary]

I haven't seen my GP - crisis team prescribed then I just ordered repeats online. The receptionist rang when I put the last request in to say that the GP had decided it was time to stop and that was that. A week of dizziness and headaches and then it was done.

I can't remember not feeling like this - I think this might be my default.

[AnthonyPandy]

That doesn't sound right that they just stopped them with no reason or input from you. Please make an appointment with them and ask why they did that. And keep talking on here, there are some amazing people here who have been where you are and have come out the other side.

[AnxiousCarer]

That definately doesn't sound right for your GP just to stop your repeat prescription without seeing you. They normally want to check in with you every 6 months or so to see how you are doing and if you still need the medication, but would normally ask you to make an appointment to review things, and normally they would stop the medication gradually and monitor what effect stopping was having on you too. I can understand your GP being reluctant to carry on with a repeat prescription that was started by someone else without them ever having any involvement.

You definately need to book in with your GP and talk to them about all of this.

[FlorenceMary]

Thanks for the suggestions. My GP won't see me for MH issues as he's referred me on.

I guess I just wondered if things would change at some point, doesn't seem like they will. That's okay, things have a way of working themselves out one way or the other.

[AnxiousCarer]

Are you currently under anyone for your MH? If so why is your GP stopping your prescription, if not then your GP is responsible for your mental health as you will have been discharged back into his care.

My husband has a psychiatrist and a CPN but his GP still sees him regarding his MH as part of the team. His psychiatrist reccommends any changes to medication and the GP follows recommendations and monitors him between changes whilst on repeat prescriptions. An onward referal doesn't mean its not his responsibility!

I would complain to the practice manager and ask to change GP, or change practices if practical.

[FlorenceMary]

I saw a psychiatrist and CPN a few times, last time in May, they knew GP had stopped the ADs and didn't seem concerned.

I suppose it all adds up to there not being a happy ending, I'm okay with that I think. It was just interesting that the nurse was adamant I'd be happy to have failed one day, and that's really not the case.

[AnxiousCarer]

If you are struggling you need to talk to someone, either GP, CPN or psychiatrist, this doesn't have to be how things are.