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(6 Posts)
OvertheRainbow2U Thu 06-Oct-16 15:10:26

Where do I 18YO son has serious MH issues - he is prone to violent outbursts, he is manipulative and very dangerous, he has been offered accommodation in my local area but is refusing to accept it. (His last Landlord sold up). I cannot have him live with me as he needs support regarding his MH issues/finances/taking care of himself etc, he has no life skills, I am so worried for him, he refuses any gp/psychology appointments, will not engage with his support workers etc..I work FT , also care for my DD with Alzheimer's Disease. He is now literally on the streets. I am too frightened to have him with me and feel that I am breaking down myself - I saw him just now and gave him food (he spends any money he gets on rubbish - he has no sense of priority) What the hell can I do?

MagicChanges Fri 07-Oct-16 00:55:08

Oh god how bloody awful for you. Can I ask why your son is refusing to accept the accdt? What is his diagnosis - and is he on medication and in touch with the community mental health team - sorry you've said he won't engage with support workers - again any idea why? My grand-daughter works with young men in your son's position and she has to work hard to gain their trust.......maybe they just don't know how to "reach" him.

Has he been living away from your local area before - oh sorry I'm asking loads of questions. I can understand your fear - you must have gone through some very bad times with him in the past. And your daughter has alzheimers or did you mean your mother. Are there any hostels he can go to - would he let you go with him to the housing department - he obviously had accdt before his landlord sold up so is the accdt he is being offered not right for him, or is it the area. Is he abusing drink/drugs. Oh god I'm so sorry all I'm doing is asking questions, but I don't know the solution, other than trying to get him to get in touch with the services that might help him. Is there anyone looking after you?

AnxiousCarer Fri 07-Oct-16 07:33:31

Hi my DH was in the same position as your son at that age except that no one picked up his mental health problems for another 10 years when he had a major psychotic crisis. He ended up homeless again that time and initially struggled to accept help from MH teams.

A young man with no dependants is low on the priority list for re housing however a vunerable adult with MH problems is a much higher priority. If he will allow you or his CPN if he has one to go with him to the housing offices this may make a big difference.

My DH struggled through his teens and 20s with alcohol and drugs, frequent brushes with the police, multiple suicide attempts etc. Finally being picked up by MH team has completely changed his life but it took time for him to accept their help and build up trust with them. He is still struggling to accept his MH problems and learn to manage them in his 30s.

Your son has a head start on him if he already has a diagnosis and teams trying to help him. He also has you which will make a huge difference. At the moment practical help such as food as support with housing department is probably the priority. Also continue to encourage him to engage with services who at this stage can give a lot of help with practical things like housing, benefits, food bank referals, referals to help furnishing accommodation, providing equipment for cooking etc. Would this encourage him to engage with them? In some areas there are flats for supported living for people in your sons situation. Also do Centrepoint operate in your area? They are a charity for young homeless people and I believe have access to psychiatric support too as well as providing a room in their facilities.

smileyforest Fri 07-Oct-16 08:03:15

Gosh I really, really feel for you OP. I Have an 18y old son currently in Hospital on section 3 , he comes home for 3 hours daily. He isn't aggressive but had two suicide attempts before being sectioned. I'm currently off work myself due to the stress and anxiety of worrying about how I'm going to cope when he comes home. I work F/T too. Do you have any other family members who can help you ? Is it your Mother you care for as well ( not daughter)? Here to listen and support...

OvertheRainbow2U Fri 07-Oct-16 08:49:21

Wow! Thank you so much for your replies - I am not alone new to this - it's my dad who has Alzheimer' son had a diagnosis of ADHD, ODD, anxiety/depression years ago - tried meds which worked for a bit then were stoppedue to side effects but it was never looked into again. As you are no doubt aware the MH system is very tricky to negotiate if the person does not wish to engage, so a section may be the only way (we are nowhere near that yet)...I am going to think about what you kind people have said and see what steps I can take - thanks again - will keep you posted, so kind, thank you, by the way - the drugs/drink thing was never an issue but as you can imagine he seems to be going down that road now.....possibly......

AnxiousCarer Fri 07-Oct-16 16:44:44

It sucks that you seem to have to reach crisis point before you get any help for MH. They are firefighting because the services are so under funded.

The fact that your DS is violent is obviously concerning but one of the criteria for section is being a risk to others. Have the police been involved due to violence? If he ends up arrested let them know about his MH diagnosis as they can ask for psychiatric assessment whilst he is with them.

I've been DH 9 years with a diagnosis for 3 of them I'm gradually learning to negotiate the system. Feel free to PM me I will help if I can.

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