Scared to go out

[nixnjj]

I have a doctors appointment and I'm terrified of leaving the house. Got taxi booked but no idea how long I'll have to wait and feeling sick at the thought of loads of people. Couldn't s.eep a wink last night and have spent most of the day on the loo. If I wasn't in so much pain I would cancel. Non of my strategies are working, know it's just my brain bullying me but I just want to cry and hide inside. Please tell me I'm not alone

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

Oh no, nixnjj, what time's your appointment?? I remember feeling this way, it's awful. Is there something specific you're worried about?

This is probably terrible advice, but you do not know you can be absolutely anybody you want to be when you step out of that door, don't you? Nobody knows you; they can't look at you and see what's inside you; they don't know your story. Anything you do, anything you are when you get in that taxi, that can be anything you want it to be, and all anyone will think it that you have your reasons. Who cares if you do or don't, do whatever you've got to do; no-one will think badly of you. But you know what? No-one will be thinking anything at all - promise - because 90% of the time everyone out there is thinking about, wait for it.... THEMSELVES!

Be kind to yourself today.

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

You DO know, not you do NOT know - doh!

[nixnjj]

Thanks taxi due in 10minutes appointment at 4 scared about talking to people, scared of what might be wrong scared about my son coming home to an empty house. Worried as no control over delays. Crying and felling sick but have to go. Thanks for making me realise not alone.

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

I promise you you are not alone! All of those things are completely reasonable worries, you're absolutely allowed to feel them, and you're doing the right thing by going to this appointment despite them.

My mother always told me "don't suffer future pain"; if you're going to get bad news, don't immerse yourself how bad that would be now, because you're just ruining today as well as tomorrow! And you know what, when things are bad they're never EVER as bad as you think they're going to be beforehand. But even better than that, statistically, things are usually okay - even when you're sure, SURE, they're going to be bad. Chin up :)

Good luck today. You're absolutely not alone, and you sound like you're doing exactly what you need to do.

[nixnjj]

Well that was horrendous but the sky didn't fall in and I'm still breathing. Dr off sick, so had to see nurse, nurse decided I was sick enough to see doctor, doctor decided I was sick enough to be reappointed so have to do it all again tomorrow. Just keeping breathing and telling myself it will be easier tomorrow Just need to parent till bedtime and then I can fall to bits

[nixnjj]

Sorry point of last post was mean to say thank you

[eatsleephockeyrepeat]

Well, glad to hear the world's still turning :) God yeah, game face til bedtime! Tell you what though, don't let bedtime come and go and then just sit there on the sofa quietly freaking until you finally drag yourself bleary-eyed to bed. Maybe shower or drink tea or file your utility bills or something, then get some sleep. Tomorrow will only feel shocking if you've had 5 hours sleep and your head's a mess. There's literally nothing you can do about anything tonight, so relax! As soon as you get the chance :)

[nixnjj]

Oh this is just horrid, receptionist yesterday said appointment was 2.30 it turned out that it was 4pm. Doctor now wanted me to go to hospital for chest X-ray but couldn't as son was expecting me home. Have to go to hospital first thing Monday. Have to try and keep it as normal as possible this weekend. Been given strong pain killers so may be able to say they make me sleepy. Just keep repeating in my head there isn't a problem until there is a problem. Will use this thread just to get the fear out so I can hide it at home