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I think I need some help, anxiety nightmares taking over daily life.

(2 Posts)
Cantcarryonlikethis Thu 08-Sep-16 12:49:16

OK this is going to be quite long so please bear with me.
I have undiagnosed, untreated anxiety problems and feel like I may possibly have ocd.
I worry constantly about everything but seem to concentrate on things specifically when I'm having a particularly bad time. I have two dc's and often my worry resides around them falling ill and have spent a lot of their younger years obsessing over specific illnesses and things that could go wrong.
I was abused as a child and also was very over protective of dd even with family members which probably made me seem a bit crazy as no one knows about the abuse.
A lot of the time my worries manifest themselves as nightmares, which brings me to why I'm having a hard time at the minute.
When I was younger I always had anxiety and in my late teens I got into drinking and one particular night I was offered drugs at a house party and took them. I blacked out at some point in the evening and couldn't remember a thing. I woke up in the morning and was half undressed and could feel that I had been raped while I was out of it.
I got myself together and never reported it as I felt it was my fault although obviously not the case.
Recently I have been having nightmares about taking drugs and that when I'm high I have killed someone during my blackout.
Now my rational mind knows that hasn't happened and it was just a dream, but my ocd keeps replaying the nightmare and I can't help thinking what the hell else may have happened that night if I don't remember being raped. I think it's more the fact that I lost control and let myself get into that situation but my mind is going overdrive.
It was a very long time ago but I just can't get the nightmares off my mind.
I don't know what I'm looking for just maybe someone to talk to.

user1473509591 Sat 10-Sep-16 13:27:44

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I know it's hard but your first and most important step is to ring your doctor. They will have a plan for you. No matter how much you think it will or won't help, asking for help is an important first step to recovery. Xx

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