Feel like I'm drowning

[struggling22]

I feel like everything is getting too much and I'm struggling to keep my head up.

Pregnant with first baby, always thought I would be the happiest most excited person to be having a baby, can't be further from the truth now it's happening, struggling with all the changes and bonding with the the little boy in my tummy. I don't know if it's every other worry that's stopping my baby excitement.

Currently in some debt and having to use my CC to tide me over to pay days, trying my hardest not to spend but DP doesn't realise how little I have as disposable income.

He wants us to buy things and do things now now now but I just don't have the money and he must be getting sick of having to pay out for the big things.

He earns about £8000/£9000 more than me but the house is his and he pays the mortgage and bills and I just give him some money each month but the newish thing is me buying all the food which gets to about £200 a month, not a massive amount I know but this is making a big difference in the amount of money I have to contribute to things for the house/baby. I don't begrudge paying this and I want to pay my fair share but sometimes the money is just not there.

It sounds awful that he pays all the bills and yet I'm struggling but my own outgoings add up to about £1000 (including food) before I've paid for petrol and I earn £1200- it's all my own fault which just adds to the guilt.

My mum is an older mum to me and has recently developed health issues, nothing physical has been found and she's been told it's a stress disorder but she won't accept it and is getting worse, she has spasms, fits on the floor, can barely walk - it's awful for her and it's awful to see.

She lives on her own but has one of my sisters next door but one and another round the corner, I love about a 15 min drive away.

Her health got worse after I left home and she's recently started saying how the doctor is worried about how she now has to live on her own even though my sister is there all the time. The guilt I feel for leaving home and starting my own life is wracking up by the day, if I can't go and visit for a few days she gets upset and when I do go (at least once a week) she acts as if she's massively putting me out by me being there - truth be told it's hard seeing her have fits on the floor and not be able to do anything to help!

I come away drained because she talks about all the things wrong with her constantly when I'm there, it's ether that or how she's worried she won't be able to hold the baby, look after the baby and help etc!

It's so much harder for her and I understand that but it's also hard to see that happening to your mum!

She's also got my dog, she can't look after her properly because of above issues yet whenever I say she can live with me my mum gets upset and says no because she keeps her company the poor dog can't even squeak her toy without being told off for making noise and setting my mum off.

She told me I would have to come and walk the dog every night and I just can't do it! By the time I'm home from work and made/had tea it's too much, baring in mind I can't just nip in walk the dog and leave, she pins me down for hours and makes me feel bad when trying to go home! I said if that's the case she needs to come and live with me but again she said no!
I've now got my sister slagging me off saying that I've abandoned my responsibilities but I'm trying to take my responsibility home but being told no! I can't win!!

And just to add another massive paragraph by DP is struggling with health aswell! To some extent similar to my mum, nothing physical can be found and we think it could be stress related but he's finding that understandably hard.
He can and does work in a labour job but the pain he's in is starting to have an effect so he's really upset about that and is coming home crying etc. There's nothing I can do apart from comfort him, I feel so helpless!
He still gets on with things and is constantly doing some kind of diy job around the house while I do all the cleaning/most of the cooking etc.

I realise none of the above sound like massive things and in one way I'm in a lucky position - live in a lovely house, DP does love me and tells me so, family are okay most of the time apart from my mums health but I just feel guilty and worthless most of the time

I've tried to shake it off and sometimes I can but it always comes back! I don't want to mither anyone on RL with this because they all have their own things going on!

I'm so sorry for the massive rant and moan and selfish post I just needed to get it out somewhere there's loads more little things which contribute but I don't think they would cause much stress on their own.

[AnxiousCarer]

Hi, sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. I think you need to discuss how you are feeling with your GP and midwife, let them help you to be in a better place before baby arrives.

Your Mum sounds quite clingy and controlling, giving you (and the dog) guilt trips all the time. Yes its hard for her being ill, but the stress is now making you ill too at what should be a happy time. You need to put yourself and baby first.

As for money you and your DP are living together and having a baby together, I think you need to look at your joint finances together and work out what is afordable and fair for both of you. Using credit to get you to payday can quickly spiral out of control, believe me II've been there!

[lakefaith]

It is a very difficult time. Pregnancy is very stressful. Your lucky and you know that but it's also ok to say that your finding it hard. If your mum can manage then I know she enjoys the company but maybe someone could offer your dog a more relaxed home life and then you and your mum wouldn't need to worry, (I know that sounds harsh) sorry I was just thinking of things you could change to help. Clearing debt off slowly is all you can do and being careful with money. Your doing a great job and it's ok to have a moan and say how you feel. Just remember there is light at the end of this tunnel keep going and be strong.