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what is going on with me ?

(6 Posts)
bluenoodle Thu 01-Sep-16 14:02:25

From waking up to going to bed I'm in some kind of stand off with myself it's so hard to explain! I have 3 DC and find it hard to motivate myself or find the energy and willing to even sometimes do things even for them never mind myself or the house. I feel in a constant battle with one minute I have the energy to do something wether it's the dishes or tidying something up, making lunch for the kids. The next minute it's like all willing and purpose has left my body to do anything. It's so regular that I know I just need to sit down for a while for the feeling to come back so I can get on with what I need to do. When I'm happy and doing things I have a feeling of excitement and purpose, I know what I'm going to plan to do that day and look forward to doing it. Il plan in my head what we are having for tea, what I need to buy for it, clear things out of the way and tidy and clean surfaces to cut vegetables or whatever. Il look forward to getting ready to take the kids somewhere and get together what I need to take .....

And then suddenly half way through it just dissapears. I don't see the point in it. I feel tired and lethargic and have to sit down and wish the feeling of happiness to return so I can get back on with my day.

The school holidays I've barely done a thing with the kids. Everyday I've always been caught out by the feeling of pointlessness and anxiety of going anywhere. It's like I'm trapped and it's surely affecting the kids.

Right now I'm laid on the bed knowing there's a load of pots downstairs needs washing. I've still to get dressed as I told the kids I'd take them to the park earlier this morning when I felt excited to do so. I can't even bear to think about making tea later.

Sorry for the long post but it's so difficult to describe ....

rumred Thu 01-Sep-16 18:54:30

sounds rough. and very much like depression. have you talked to anyone about how you feel? or had any blood tests for underlying medical problems?

bluenoodle Thu 01-Sep-16 19:44:34

I have pnd and take 20mg citrilapram daily (I think that's how it's spelt!). My dd is now 2 but tbh I've always had pnd since having my eldest 10 years ago. But never this bad or in this way. Everyday is just a battle. It helps if I do tons of housework and everything runs smoother and I can breathe ! But it's getting the housework done that's the problem. There's not even that much to do its not like we live in a dump but every single task seems like a mammoth task so then it gets me down. As does days out and speaking to people I just dread it! I end up yawning repetitively in front of people and then my eyes start watering all my make ups melts off its a downward spiral I just want to get home and curl up in bed hoping the day after Is better sad

rumred Fri 02-Sep-16 21:21:17

sounds like the citalopram isnt working anymore? probably worth talking to your doctor again. you sound really depressed. its so horrible, Im dragging myself out of it at the moment, with medical and friends help

it helps me to share with friends how crap i feel, there's usually a few who understand or have been through similar. have you got anyone you can talk to?

bluenoodle Fri 02-Sep-16 23:02:59

Yeah DH listens and supports me but genuinely doesn't know what to say or how to help. Bless him he often comes in from work and does the dishes or takes the kids to bed and that makes me feel worse then because I feel like a lazy slob. The thing is i know the things that help me are doing the things that need doing! I know that I feel so much better waking up to things organised and clean and I have more than enough time to do it all its just I have no energy to do so and feel there is no point in it all. I only feel like this every now and again though normally throughout the day so I do get things done but lately I just can't do anything it's just crippling my mind. When I mention anything to the doctor she just offers councilling but then I find it such a struggle to even go to appointments confused

Wolfiefan Fri 02-Sep-16 23:05:42

I had counselling over the phone. The pills aren't working. You need something different. Pills changed or dosage changed or CBT.

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