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Really struggling, nobody to talk to.

(6 Posts)
MrsMargeSimpson Thu 25-Aug-16 18:54:02

I apologise in advance as this will probably be rather a jumble of issues all piling up on me. I need to get them out as I'm spending days having to stop myself from bursting into tears with all the pressure building up.

I am desperately sad. I struggle this time of year after a traumatic event two years ago. I am not allowed to be affected by this, because it didn't directly concern me. A friend was bereaved, and although I didn't 'know' the deceased the whole incident has genuinely left me quite... I don't know. I struggle with it. It hurt me. I am not allowed to open up about this because relatively soon after the friend fell out with me, as I wouldn't condone something they did. Despite apologies and explanations this friend cut contact - and that's fine. You gotta do. However this has left me adrift, I have nobody to talk to about how I am left feeling. I know I shouldn't feel upset but I really do.

Additionally, I am really finding my work difficult. I am unchallenged, bored and underpaid. I have only recently returned to work after being a SAHM for over 10 years and miss being at home immensely. I feel I 'get' nothing from working. We are worse off financially as childcare is crippling us, I am miserable and there's no progression. I want to stay home but I have to try and stick it out a bit longer. My boss is a close relative so deciding to leave isn't as easy as it should be - I would lose all the minuscule amount of familial support I currently get.

Then there's the finances. We are so behind on debt payments that I'm head burying. Please don't suggest step change et al - I have tried them, they cannot help us. We're just stuck. I hate feeling this way and being constantly scrabbling for pennies to feed us - we both work for gods sake it should not be that way! All debt has been through essential living costs, we don't holiday/takeaway/have any extravagance. At all.

Top all that off with a miscarriage of an accidental but much wanted, if financially ill advised, baby. I'm an absolute mess.

I can't talk to anyone! Family is out because of work but also never bloody helpful when I've tried to talk in the past anyway. My DH will listen but there's precious little he can actually do so he finds it frustrating - he doesn't like knowing I'm unhappy but not being able to fix it. I don't want to cause him extra stress and worry himself too. I don't have many friends left and I am reluctant to approach those I do because I feel I can't trust anyone any more after the previous events. I have been burned. I feel so alone. sad

Well done if you managed all of that. I'm not sure what response I really want to be honest, I just need to get it out.

Willberry Thu 25-Aug-16 22:23:33

Big hugs to you, have you discussed how you are feeling with your GP? They may be able to help. I know what its like to work your socks off and still not be able to put enough food on the table. It sounds like you've been through a really tough time for so many reasons its no wonder you are feeling so low.

Thecatgotmytongue Thu 25-Aug-16 22:29:27

Mrsmarge, so sorry things are so tough, sending big hugs.

I was where you are with the debt a year ago. Well, a few years ago, following long unemployment on dhs part.

Can you write to the companies you owe money to, explaining the situation and offering a minimal payment that you can afford? Often they'd rather have a little than nothing at all.

I solved the problem by selling our house .. Not usually advisable, except dh and I split up.

Sorry I can't help more. I'm feeling very down myself at the moment.

I'm here to listen if you like.

MrsMargeSimpson Fri 26-Aug-16 01:26:13

My GP was understanding but only offered ADs and I don't want them for a myriad of reasons.

I'm sorry you're also down, cat it's a horrible feeling. Now I'm so caught up in it that I can't sleep again so I'll be knackered at work tomorrow as well as bored. Urgh.

Alwaysrushingaround Fri 26-Aug-16 01:57:04

Didn't want to read and run - flowers sorry to hear of your miscarriage- and hoping things get better for you x

melibu84 Fri 26-Aug-16 02:03:44

In regards to the debt, you could write / email all the companies, explaining your financial situation, and tell them you can only offer token payments until you get back on track (this is like £1 a month).

I also recommend that you go onto the moneysavingexpert forum for more tips and advice. They might also have templates you can use.

I can't really comment on the bereavement. It sounds to me (and i mean no offence), that you should seek professional help to work through your feelings.

also, have you thought about speaking to your relative / employer about your childcare issues? Every employer has to consider a flexible working request, whether that is flexible hours or working from home.

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