Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Emotional (dis)regulation thread for expression strong emotions and supporting each other

(239 Posts)
erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 06:49:28

Inspired by a few threads on the MH boards and elsewhere on MN, this thread is:

- A safe space to express strong or overwhelming emotions;
- Somewhere where MNers can support MNers who are experiencing strong or overwhelming emotions;
- We can share strategies for coping with strong or overwhelming emotions. Healthy strategies preferred, but bearing in mind that what is healthy for one poster might not be healthy for another poster.

flowers to everyone who knows what I mean.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sat 20-Aug-16 07:32:45

Place marking because I suck at talking about how I feel but according to my shrinks, I need to. BDP, complex trauma, depression and anxiety here. So my first strategy is to try and talk about it in a self accepting way.


dangermouseisace Sat 20-Aug-16 09:33:55

what a good idea erinaceus star

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 11:07:54

Thanks both: waves

At a group I attend, we call them "I-statements".

As in, today I feel hungry because I just did some sports, and also happy because I like my sport. So I am going home to eat something and rest for a bit, then maybe do some laundry.

Not always that easy. But that is one structure. I am a bit crap at it, but I do know the theory.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sat 20-Aug-16 11:30:44

How are you today Erin? So are the 'I-Statements' about talking about how you feel? I always feel like I'm being vaguely rude if I talk about my personal issues... Hence why I decided to try it out anonymously first!

My first step so to speak is accepting I have a personality disorder. I just feel like I can't. I've always had anxiety and depression but this feels different. And I know I can't properly engage with shrink until I do accept it. (Am I using this thread the right way?)

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 12:29:22

I am not the best person to talk to about personality disorders. I get quite ranty about it. There is a thread in Feminism Chat about it.

Accepting the diagnosis may get you access to treatment that turns out to be helpful to you. For example, the I-statements thing is a bit DBT and this is a therapy that is used for BPD.

Today I am feeling knackered after swimming and also very hungry. I should make some scrambled eggs before I get too tired to eat. I am also feeling all twitchy about personality disorders now. Ah well.

How are you feeling today?

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho Sat 20-Aug-16 19:39:34

Why do you feel you can't accept the diagnosis, SpecialAgent?
(I don't accept mine fwiw)

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 19:44:59

As far as I know I have never been diagnosed with BPD. I have not read any of the notes that have been written about me, though, so what do j I know?

The I-statements thing is more to do with expressing my point of view and not speaking for other people. This is put in place because each person has their own perspective and no one person can speak on behalf of another. The thread in MH is the place for I-statements. If you start to take up too much space in that would take someone from MNHQ to intervene...if you fill up the thread with a thousand posts then I will start a second is a space for you, as much as it is a space for anyone.

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 19:46:28

Not having been diagnosed with a personality disorder makes it easy to reject the notion that such a thing exists. I think that I wrote it upthread. It is not the personalities that are disordered. Really, it isn't.

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 19:48:02

It is not true, for example, that the first step is to accept the diagnosis, and nor is it the case that you cannot engage with a psychiatrist until you accept the diagnosis.

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 19:49:43

Oh shit, I crossed this thread with the one in Feminism. waves at Once.

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 20:00:05

Also, please do not quit with your psychiatrist based on what I wrote, come off your medication, or whatever. You are under no obligation to accept the diagnosis, but I do not advocate discharging yourself from services based on what I write on mumsnet. confused

dangermouseisace Sat 20-Aug-16 20:33:44

I'm quite pleased with myself for getting over an overwhelming emotion/compulsion today.

I got up wanting to end it all and it got stuck in my head going around and around and around.

I tried to distract myself by doing practical things/listening to music this didn't work, and it just got worse.
I phoned someone and we talked about practical things to do. Just talking to someone about decorating rather than how awful everything is right now, helped break the monotony in my head for a bit.
I went for a run in the rain and I hated every friggin minute. I forced myself to do 30 minutes.
I was quite pleased to stop though and I had stopped thinking monotonous thoughts and instead was thinking about stuff that I need to do tomorrow.

Conclusion: talking to other people about random stuff, and exercise even if you hate it, are good for breaking repetitive thoughts/compulsions to do negative stuff.

dangermouseisace Sat 20-Aug-16 20:34:39

sorry even if I hate it

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 20:38:04

Yes. I agree. Sometimes talking to other people about benign things is enough to snap me out of it. Not always, though. I remember collecting my meds from a pharmacist when I was, well, not feeling fantastic, and chatting to him about career stuff by-the-by and him coming out with something about a career thing he had tried to do which had left him feeling as if he wanted to kill himself shock

In general I find pharmacists to be lovely people but I did sort-of take my meds with me nervously and make my excuses. It was really jarring.

Conclusion: none, really. Mostly making conversation.

Where's my takeaway?

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho Sat 20-Aug-16 20:45:23

Where's my takeaway

Oops, sorry! <starts cooking> with you in a mo wink

I got takeaway a few nights ago, went in carrying a bag of cat litter. They started making conversation asking about pets, ended up giving me a bag of carrot slices so the small furries got a takeaway too!

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho Sat 20-Aug-16 20:54:29

That sounds good, dangermouse. You are right IMO/E about talking about random stuff with people. I once lived quite communally for about six months (with a cleaner, haha, so all the good communal bits but not so many bad, although we shared rooms) and I have never felt so energised, creative, content and hopeful. And I could "give back" too - had so many thoughtful conversations with people who just needed to get stuff of their chest or were just thinking/working through stuff or whatever.

This is one thing with the BPD label. I reckon there's a sizeable number of people diagnosed with it who'd quickly stabilise in a more community minded, creative environment. (Not that they'd suddenly have no "issues" but it would be the environment in which to gently heal).

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 20:58:07

Lovely. Pets are lovely. In my family we are not cat people - various allergies. Our first attempt at a pet dog resulted in a true family member, who ended up on some sort of medication, for anxiety or something? hmm I am not really sure about the details.

But the hamsters. We have a long tradition of pet hamsters. I had a pet hamster who was the victim of a failed relationship. Two sixteen year olds had bought him between them and then split up sad so I took him in. We used to hang out, me and that hamster did. He was one in a long line of hamsters.

Maybe I should get a hamster. Maybe I will do that.

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 21:02:51

Once such communities do exist, but my understanding is that they are not always as well-resourced as they need to be, that there are not enough places, and, depending how closely linked they are to psychiatry they can sort of collapse in on themselves in a form of chaos, which you might be able to sort of picture.

Trigonos, in Wales, is the closet thing I can think of, if you ever get the chance. Amazing place. They periodically have jobs going. I do not think that the isolation would be for me in the long run, but I did go there once on a yoga retreat(!) and I would go again just to hang out for a bit.

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho Sat 20-Aug-16 21:10:21

Have a look for local small animal charities that rehome them. I used to have gerbils who were very entertaining, skipping round everywhere and tunnelling!
Mine are rabbits... you'll definitely find a rabbit re-homing place as they are often bought hastily without reaising the care they need sad. Houserabbits are like dogs you don't have to walk... but some serious rabbit-proofing can be necessary! <looks at repaired wallpaper and all wires in plastic casing>

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 21:15:25

I had not thought of that. I could foster another rodent. That's a good idea.

Not a rabbit though. Reasons.

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho Sat 20-Aug-16 21:18:31

Erin Yes, it's frustrating to know what would likely help a bunch of people (actually, all of society tbh!) but there to be almost no practical way of actually creating that!
Where I was was an UNintentional community, I guess. Was in another country in a location where many backpackers pass through, but this particualr place caused people to stop longer than they intended... and some, like me, purposely chose to stay there longer term whilst persuing creative things or just having a sort of break from life. One lovely thing was seeing people beginning their travels and then stopping a few days on their way back home, they had so many thoughts to talk about and some had really changed in that time. I was just so interesting in a deeply satisfying way to see these snippets of people's "stories". Argh I sound like an arty farty knob...

erinaceus Sat 20-Aug-16 21:21:28

I hate traveling. But, yes.

Do you know the movie The Beach? Or the book? Or both?

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho Sat 20-Aug-16 22:18:58

I saw the film when I was 15 and although I dont remember it, I remember finding it really horrible.

I enjoy travelling but also am a homebody who wants a settled community home to come back to... I'm in some weird minority that neither the travellers or the homebodies understand.

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho Sat 20-Aug-16 22:19:44

(Only watched film because I fancied Leonardo DiCaprio wink)

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now