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Is it ok for your kids to see you at your lowest?

(6 Posts)
Lovemusic33 Tue 16-Aug-16 05:02:04

Yesterday I was prescribes sertiline by my GP, I haven't had much success with other anti d's, took it and I have spent the whole night awake. Yesterday I chucked my dp out, he has left several times over the past few months on his terms but this time it was me. I have 2 dd's age 10 and 12, obviously they have seen him come and go and have seen me broken. I feel my mental health is getting worse and the fact I do not sleep at night often means I sleep during the day leaving the dd's to entertain themselves. I feel guilty that they have to see me like this, I feel guilty that I don't feel well enough to take them anywhere and I feel guilty for putting them through so much.
I don't know if dp is coming back, at the moment it doesn't look likely, I feel so angry with him (and everyone really), I feel alone, I feel numb sad

SwishySplash Tue 16-Aug-16 09:51:09

If you had pneumonia or cancer then your children would see you very ill and it wouldn't really be questioned. It's not pleasant for them but it's a fact of life that people get ill and they are old enough to see that. (The parts you've described anyway) If you were self injuring or something like that then that's different. You're doing your best to get better for them and that's all anyone can ask.

10 and 12 is a good age to be able to occupy themselves so try not to worry. Do they have access to a park or your garden to get some fresh air?

I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your DP, it's sounds like the relationship is quite unstable and maybe it would be better if he doesn't come back? Is he able to take your DD and give you some rest bite?

I hope you're feeling a bit better today flowers

Digestive28 Tue 16-Aug-16 09:54:06

I think if you can be age appropriate about explaining it then not only is it find but could make them into lovely caring adults. You just need to explain you are feeling sad but, importantly, what you are doing about it. You don't like being sad so to help you are going to take try and do things that help by looking after yourself. That is, eating well, getting outdoors each day, making sure you get washed and dressed and maybe treating yourself to a film/chocolate etc. They can help with this. Seeing you not doing well can be scary so let them know what is happening and what you are doing about it.
It maybe that they will come across people who are struggling in later life so maybe think how you would want them to respond.
If it continues you may need to see your GP as self care may not be enough

Digestive28 Tue 16-Aug-16 09:57:15

There is also some amazing young carers support out there. They may have things they want to talk about so put them in touch, Call the local council for what's around. They may not be carers as such in your view but the support they receive can be so invaluable. They may also recommended books or websites which are age appropriate and helpful. I hope things begin to improve for you soon

MangoMoon Tue 16-Aug-16 10:14:44

I have bi-polar as well as Crohn's disease so my kids have seen me really ill (2 boys - 11 & 14 now).
I explained my bi-polar to them along the lines of being like they feel with their hormones/puberty.
Along the lines of:

"Sometimes I'm really, really sad and crying for no reason at all - it's nothing anyones done, and nothing can change it - it just 'is'.
Sometimes I get angry quickly, but it's not anyone or anything that's made it happen and I can't control it but I can try to 'manage' it, just like they have to."

They're ever so good about it & I think that because they 'know' it makes it easier for them to process and understand - sometimes when I start ramping up into hypo manic they notice before I do and they'll mention it to me.

Wrt your husband, it will get easier, the hardest part is making the initial break and starting things on your terms.
I've been separated a year now & I'm fine, I was so scared that I wouldn't be and my mood has rapid cycled a lot, but I just take a day at a time when it gets really hard.
I've been quite open & honest with my boys about me and their dad - I've made it clear and reinforced that my relationship with him is completely separate to their relationship with him - although I may dislike him at times it doesn't mean he's a bad person etc.

It sounds so glib just typing it like that, but it really has been ok - you know your own children & you'll know best what level of detail or information they're able to deal with.

Be kind to yourself though, and don't put too much pressure on yourself to somehow magic everything better because you'll just be setting yourself up to fail in the long run.

Lots of love and hugs - it's hard, but it's possible - small, manageable steps and you'll get through it all. flowersflowers

Lovemusic33 Tue 16-Aug-16 16:03:18

Thank you, my dc's are not dp's, I have no one to give me a break, my dc's have special needs but can entertain themselves and I know they are safe in the house and garden.

I managed to take them out for a couple hours today but I feel drained sad, it was hard work and now I'm back to reality. I am trying my best to deal with everything, dp keeps putting more stress on me and I feel like I'm drowning.

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