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scared of my own thoughts.

(10 Posts)
Littleknownmumto1 Wed 10-Aug-16 23:02:58

Ever since my daughter was born I've had terrible images enter my brain unannounced and unstoppable. Things like, if I laid my daughter on the floor if scare myself with images that someone would accidently stand on her head and kill her. These images used to haunt me and scare the living day lights out of me constantly. I ignored then and passed it off as a mothers fear of harm coming to their baby. But things got worse, I would imagine crashing my car , falling down the stairs with her in my arms and crushing her, not cooking her food properly and her becoming so ill she is hospitalised. I am destroying my relationship, every time my partners phone goes off, I thin it's another girl, if he doesn't answer his phone while he's at work or out, I imagine him having sex with someone else, I've even involuntarily imagined him having sex with someone on his desk. I can't cope with it any more but I'm petrified that if I go to the doctors they will question my ability to look after my daughter. Does anyone have any experience with anything similar?

Shortfatandangry Wed 10-Aug-16 23:19:18

I read something recently, this sounds like an extreme form of OCD I think? The thoughts and images are normal to have, everyone does but most people can dismiss them. I would think if you feel able to see your Dr, that they will know that you are not a risk to your DD and will hopefully be able to help you manage this. I hope you feel better soon ❤

MiddleClassProblem Wed 10-Aug-16 23:29:17

I have had this, counciling helped although it wasn't the reason I went. Currently having CBT and learning about how I can't worry about every outcome of every situation. The point of worrying tends to be to prepare yourself but worrying and (as I did) indulging in it to the point where you're crying picturing yourself at the hospital waiting for news on DD/DH in some fictitious, although slightly possible, scenario was damaging. Learning what is a worrying about something that's actually happening and what is worrying about something that is unlikely and not a situation I am in iyswim. Basically catching myself if my worry is not useful such as planning timings/prep etc vs something that is in my head, out of my control and has any number of outcomes it's not worth picturing it.

Re the concern of DP, how old is your baby? As I think that is quite common in the first 6 months to a year

dangermouseisace Thu 11-Aug-16 07:25:30

I had similar especially with my first- I remember the falling down the stairs one well (we had a concrete floor at the bottom). I put it down to the overwhelming intensity of emotion I felt for this tiny creature! If the thoughts are distressing you your GP wouldn't be surprised at what you've been thinking they've probably heard it before, and won't judge your ability to parent based on your fears

Littleknownmumto1 Thu 11-Aug-16 08:21:30

Thank you. My DD is 17 months, so I don't think it's something that is just going to pass unfortunately x

Littleknownmumto1 Thu 11-Aug-16 08:22:45

But I'm really glad to hear that others have experienced something similar and in not a total freak! Thank you ladies x

LondonRoo Fri 12-Aug-16 15:13:37

Perinatal OCD - very common, very treatable (meds and/or CBT, not generic counselling) and suggests no risk to the child. It's a horrible and frightening experience to go through it tho.

The reason your thoughts are so troubling to you are precisely because you are horrified by the idea of your child coming to harm or your partner having an affair.

We all have intrusive thoughts - people with OCD are disturbed by them because they fear they indicate something bad will happen.

Try to relax - the thoughts don't mean anything, they're just thoughts. You can go to your GP or see if there is an IAPT service in your area you can self-refer to.


LondonRoo Fri 12-Aug-16 15:20:32

OCD action are a great charity and the Royal college of psychiatrists has some useful info here:

heknowsmysinsheseesmysoul Fri 19-Aug-16 18:04:04

Very common anxiety symptoms - other symptoms (which you may have but haven't mentioned) would need to be present to be diagnosed with OCD.

Either way; see your GP but don't think you're alone - this is really quite common. Good luck.

Roastie1986 Fri 19-Aug-16 21:34:24

Sounds a bit like me. I have been diagnosed with extreme anxiety and ocd. I know your fear of getting help as I felt exactly the same. But swallowed hard and went for help xx

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