In our 60s DH retired, I never went back to work after having kids late-ish, dh worked away, very demanding kids, my deteriorating health. yadayada.
Kids grown and flown, hardly bother with us. No grandkids, and there won't be any.
I am crap at making friends, and good at pissing people off. My 3 closest friends died of cancer 5 - 8 years ago. Many other friends and acquaintances I fell out with because of how badly I dealt with their homophobia about another family member. Got kicked out of a friendship group when I was ill and going through a rough time with tests, rather than them give me any support, which is what we did for the others.
I'm just fed up of existing, rather than living.
I do try to fill my time with things. I can't say what, or that will link me to my other name. I spend time with people at these things, but no time with friends for the sake of being together.
However, I am just empty. Poor dear DH does his best. I try to be cheerful for him, and we do have a laugh sometimes, but I am alone in my head far too much, and I don't like it. He has become very deaf, so won't/can't socialise.
There isn't one person whose doorstep I could turn up on , and say hey, put the kettle on, I'm mardy today. There's not much here, small dormitory town where nothing happens and everyone either knows everyone or is too wrapped up in their own life to notice anyone.
I go through the motions and that's it. It's not like weathering out a crappy few months with a child teething, or doing exams, this is my life, and it's boring. I have tried antiD's but they all disagree with me, and anyway, this isn't a bad patch to get over, this is life.
No idea why I'm posting this, tbh.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.
Mental health
am I unrealistic to want to have something to live for?
14 replies
DeepDarkPit · 02/08/2016 01:18
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.