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Should I date him?

(42 Posts)
user87654321 Thu 28-Jul-16 21:39:05

Good evening.

I am a little confused. Before I went on a date with a guy, he told me that he'd been sectioned three times; the last time being around twenty months ago for a month- the first time for six months & that was around three years ago. Apparently, it came on through an awful divorce. He sees a counsellor every week, so he says. And has his children again, over night.

The date went absolutely fine, by the way, but I feel wary. Am I right to feel like this (apart from the fact he is a stranger) or do I stop stereotyping him & go with the flow? For the record, I work in the MH profession & seem to think I should l know better on how to handle this.

Please, no snotty replies, I am genuinely confused.

Thank you for reading x

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Thu 28-Jul-16 21:43:43

Nah, If you work in a field of health care your brain blocks you from being able to think about it logically in a personal situation.

I reckon it's your brain protecting you from taking work home.

Do you like him? If so go with the flow and take it slowly.

I'm certifiable but I still make a nice friend/girlfriend.

Just be chilled.

At least he's not hiding it from you. Honest bloke. Ticks at least one box.

user87654321 Thu 28-Jul-16 21:58:39

Thank you, king. Like I said, I just wasn't sure whether I should take a step back 😃

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Thu 28-Jul-16 22:02:16

No. So he's not perfect. Who is?

Keep your chill, though. Take it all slowly and peacefully. No drama.

TuppencePenny Thu 28-Jul-16 22:07:17

Of you like him just take it date by date. I agree with PP he's been honest so a big tick. Don't get ahead of yourself but no harm in seeing what happens.

user87654321 Thu 28-Jul-16 22:23:46

Okay 😃

anyname123 Thu 28-Jul-16 22:27:55

I probably wouldn't, but only incase it turned into a bit of a bus man's holiday if he were to become poorly again. But that's just me. If he makes you happy and you can clearly boundary yourself then go for it! (By that I mean, again - if it were me, I'd be unable to help myself observe his behaviour / mood etc and would exhaust myself. If you are a more well rounded person good on you smile )

minatiae Thu 28-Jul-16 22:30:50

yep, he's honest. Good sign.

if you like him, date him

user87654321 Thu 28-Jul-16 22:45:58

I see what you mean, any name. I think the thing, that bothers me, is if he were to have another episode, but, hey, that may never happen. I do admire his honesty. If he hadn't have told me, I'd have never known.

minatiae Thu 28-Jul-16 23:50:33

if it gets to that stage and you love him, would you be willing to support him through another episode? Because he deserves someone who would be there for him and not run away. If you couldn't do that then you shouldn't date him.

user87654321 Fri 29-Jul-16 06:11:17

Minatiae, I has never thought of that. Goodness, I have made this all about me.

minatiae Fri 29-Jul-16 21:26:00

I don't think you're making it all about you but that's definitely something you need to consider. he has been honest with you so you need to be honest with yourself as to whether you can support someone through a mental health crisis

it's ok if the answer is 'no, I can't', but if that is how you feel you shouldn't pursue a relationship with him, it wouldn't be fair. One of the most hurtful things about having a mental health crisis is people you thought would be there for you, leaving. if you think you would leave you shouldn't be in the relationship. You also need to think about how you would support him in a way that is healthy for both of you, i.e. help, don't enable; support, dont 'mother', listen, but don't take on problems as your own etc.

Pixie1991 Sat 30-Jul-16 09:54:24

Only if you think you can handle living with someone with mh problems. It can be bloody hard work but I'm sure he's a lovely person.

user87654321 Sat 30-Jul-16 17:52:29

Thanks, minatiae - you are right. It makes me feel uncomfortable, but I think because my brother killed himself through depression (probably outer myself).

user87654321 Mon 01-Aug-16 20:27:52

Okay, so we met up & had a talk about how we are going to take things slowly. He ordered a pint while we were together (I'm teetotal). And then when i spoke to him tonight, I asked him whether he drank regularly. It did not go down well.

lampshady Mon 01-Aug-16 20:43:41

What do you mean by it didn't go down well? Was he defensive?

Personally, I have mental health issues and wouldn't have a relationship with me! If I didn't, having the insight I do, I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone unless they were completely stable and could show they had a very accurate picture of their condition, care plan and how to keep themselves well, including not drinking if necessary. It'll be so hard if he gets ill again and tbh you can't know how long he might be ill for.

user87654321 Tue 02-Aug-16 00:24:33

Hey, lamp, yea, he was very defensive. It was only 'cause he'd mentioned he'd taken his young child out for something to eat, but instead of him eating, he'd had a couple of pints instead. Which, prompted me to ask the question.

He asked me why I was asking, then whether any of my ex-partner's had been alcohols hmm it ended with him saying that he wasn't being defensive but that it was an inappropriate question to ask & that I sound like a doctor.

I think I know all I need to know. If I am going to date you, I am going to ask you about certain habits. How else do you get to know someone?!

user87654321 Tue 02-Aug-16 00:27:24

alcoholics*

TealLove Tue 02-Aug-16 00:28:13

If you like him then go for it. Seriously.
But you don't sound overly enamoured - no criticism genuinely!

IcedVanillaLatte Tue 02-Aug-16 00:28:29

You asked someone whether he drank alcohol regularly on a second date? That is a bit doctorly.

user87654321 Tue 02-Aug-16 07:04:06

Iced vanilla, it certainly wasn't meant to come across like that. It really wasn't.

user7755 Tue 02-Aug-16 07:08:47

I agree that sounds very accusatory / intrusive.

user87654321 Tue 02-Aug-16 07:09:02

Teallove, I was happy to let things progress, as was he. But how else do you find out about someone's likes/dislikes without asking them? I dunno..

Destinysdaughter Tue 02-Aug-16 07:18:20

I think if he's had such severe mental health problems he shouldn't be drinking. And going out to eat with your child and drinking doesn't sound right. I think he was only defensive as he does have a problem with alcohol and is maybe self medicating?

I would be a bit wary personally. Definitely take it slow.

eatsleepfeedrepeat Tue 02-Aug-16 07:23:53

A pint in the pub, fine . Drinking instead of eating, while out to dinner with your young child? No way. Move on OP!

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