Extremely confused

[brlyp]

I am having trouble writing this post but I will do my best. My brain fog has completely destroyed me. I was involved in a car accident back in October and broke my 1 and 2 vertabrae in my neck. During this time I had a lot of stress at home in which I ran to my now ex who was extremely controlling and abusive. I started getting social anxiety around march. (I was outgoing and in love with life before this but was doing recreational drugs) my ex cheated on me during this and then left me. I am now back home with my parents and cannot go on any longer. I can't remember things to talk about, I lose what I'm saying almost immediately after I say it, constantly talk in circles about my problem, and feel overall stupid. I don't go out anymore because I feel dumb. I am not at all this person and I can't even exactly describe what I'm going thru I'm just very unclear. I've been on vyvanse on and off since 8th grade and that seemed to help my focus but now its not doing anything but helping me get out of bed. I took ability and lexapro before my accident when I experienced social anxiety for the first time before my accident. It seemed to work for awhile. I lost my doctor since then and started self medicating myself back in march when I started to not feel normal again. They didn't work they just made me so clouded that I with drawled from everything because I felt disabled in my own head. I don't know what's wrong with me and my doctors advice (I can't get in with a phycotrist for another month) is to check myself into a thirty day program. I do not want to do this at all. Also weed used to calm me down and I always enjoyed it now I am all weird and paranoid when I do it which really bothers me and makes me think something severe is wrong. I know I'm rambling I don't know how to make things flow. I need a miracle I just want to live again