Learning how to feel emotion again

[SicknSpan]

I could do with some pointers. I'm emerging from a long marriage in which I now realise I had totally closed myself off from feeling real emotions. He was quite controlling and I learnt over 20 years how to squeeze the real me into a tight corner and not express what I honestly felt, thought or wanted.

I'm trying to let myself to go with new emotions and I'm almost getting high off any sort of feeling- it's like the floodgates have opened! But I am struggling because if I let my guard down, and accept that situations can make me feel something, I don't actually know how to deal with it and it scares me. Eg I've had a "thing" with someone new and I've had to end it- I'm incredibly sad, but almost enjoy the sadness because it's real. I just don't like feeling this way obviously. My usual response to these feelings would be to deny them, tell myself I'm being ridiculous and I don't have the right to feel this way because I'm healthy with lovely children and a job that can support us blah blah blah, paste on a happy smile for the world and refuse to think about the sadness at all. Which will bite me on my arse when I blow up over something ridiculously small months later and realise that I'm not sobbing about the fact that the kids have made us late for school again it's the thing that I didn't sort out before

I need some context in which to learn how to express what I want and feel without constantly feeling that I'm being selfish or that I don't have any right to put what I am thinking out there.

It's a bit like being a teenager I think, I should have learned how deal with emotion along time ago but I didn't and now at 40 I'm having to go back to that stage.

Not sure if any of this makes sense but would really welcome some perspective on it or pointers to other resource if any lovely mnetters have any?