I've had a nc - I was sweetelizarose
I've been struggling since having Dd six months ago...I thought I was doing better. I'm on 100mg sertraline which has made me less depressed but hasn't really touched the anxiety if that makes sense. I've been to my GP numerous times - I'm probably single handedly bankrupting the NHS - I've signed up online for a cbt course as recommended by my perinatal health lady and you know what? I still don't feel any better. I did. For a short time. But now I feel so so anxious again. I cannot get over the fact I did not vaccinate my daughter against rotavirus. It's become like an obsession. I delayed it for numerous reasons and then when I took her to have it it was too late.
I just feel like I've let her down so badly. I'm her mother and I should have protected her. I don't deserve her. I can't put this right and I don't want to carry on anymore. I'm too scared to take her out the house in case she catches it and even though I know she'd likely be ok she would feel pretty poorly and I could have stopped it and I didn't. I just can't put it right can I? If only I'd given the fucking vaccine, instead I've ruined all our lives. I don't think I can carry on and live with the guilt any longer, I just don't want to do it anymore, I don't want to feel shame and guilt every time I look at her beautiful face, I don't want to feel too scared to take my 7 year old somewhere in case any of use pick up rotavirus, I'm so fed up and crucially it is all my fault.
I just want someone to tell me she won't catch it or that she won't be too ill but no one can so instead I'm just waiting all the time for her to be ill. I feel like every day is borrowed time, somewhere in the future the day is lurking when my poor decision will make my daughter unwell. It's all I can think about, I keep trying to find a solution and there isn't one because it's too late. I can't undo it. The only answer is to never go out and what sort of a life is that?
Sorry. I know I must be boring people stupid but I just don't know what to do with myself tonight. I don't think I will ever feel better because of what I've done to my daughter. She's so trusting and I've failed her so badly. I don't want to carry on I just want it to stop.
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Mental health
I think this is my crisis point
52 replies
Throughautomaticdoors · 24/06/2016 23:15
OP posts:
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