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I can't cope

(10 Posts)
user1466531167 Tue 21-Jun-16 19:30:20

I don't even know where to start explaining how I am feeling. So please bare with me.

After having my oldest I was diagnosed with PND in which continued to depression for 6 or so years. After battling with it for so long I managed to get better but still suffered massive issues with self confidence and self esteem as I had gained a lot of weight (bout 8 stone) through the depression. I was so worried I would get PND again. After givingbirth to my youngest I felt ok. Anxious with breastfeeding properly. She latched on but after 6 weeks she wouldn't latch properly. I began to worry. I felt it was my fault. Months passing back to work whilst daddy was a home (he works offshore) I began to feel agitated over things at home. Washing not done to my standard. House not cleaned to my standard. What on earth was he doing. Now to set it straight. I don't think he would ever lie bout doing things. He is a kind honest genuinely loving caring man. Anyways I think I was feeling like this because I wasn't the one doing it so I felt it wasn't getting done. Confused???? Sorry if I'm confusing u. I was never stressed at work!!! Just when I came home. As days passed I'm biting everyone's head off. My husband and the kids over silly things. I used to be a laid back person before I became a mother and I HATE IT. My husband hasn't been away working since Nov 2015 and I don't think it has helped our relationship. He's now away on week 4 of 8 and I'm really not coping with my life. Kids r driving me batty. My oldest is ok but the youngest I can't stand just now. EVERYTHING she is doing is frustrating me and I hate feeling like this 😢 I feel such a bad mother for feeling like this. I feel so hopeless and guilty for feeling like this. I no longer enjoy my days. I'm tired and I'm flying off the handle at everything she is doing. All the depressive thoughts come flooding back. I'm on Trazadone for agitation but it's not working just now. Been to docs yesterday and he doesn't wanna increase them as I'm on a high dose. "Oh we will see how you are in a few weeks" REALLY I feel like I don't want to be here anymore. I feel like my kids would be better off without me. I'm scared I will go in and out of these episodes for the rest of my life. In a week I have cried my heart out for 4 days. Past two days I have felt brighter but today it's back to feeling low. Now I know from past experiences you have good and bad days so why isn't the doc doing something. I have little or no energy, I can't be bothered sorting out stuff like another appt for the docs if they are gonna be like this. I feel like no one can help. I've missed out a whole heap of my feelings by the way as I don't want to bore you. I want to get this sorted cause I'm gonna end up giving my kids mental health issues when they grow up. I'm away to cry now. 😢😢😢

suesue89 Tue 21-Jun-16 19:39:10

Awah honey you are not a bad mother, take a deep breath. Having kids is never easy and sometimes it does get on top of us all. How long have you been on medication ? I am sorry I probably can't be of much help as I have not experienced what you are going through but I'm here to give you a virtual hug from one mother to the other. Do you think you husband been away contributes to you feeling like this ? Because sometimes support and just them been there can make life so much better.

user1466531167 Wed 22-Jun-16 16:41:56

Hi suesue89.

I have been on my recent meds for roughly 5 months now. Started at 50mg and now up to 100mg for the last few months. I don't think him being away has helped. Previous trips away I have been ok the odd chappy day but that's to be expected. But this time feels different. I think my lo is a lot more aware of him being away this trip. When he's home I'm working so for the past 6 months she's had daddy time and now he's gone. Today's been a better day. I have tried to keep calm with situations and I think I've managed ok. No tears so that's good lol. When my husbands home I seen to change. I get more ratty. Och I don't know. I'm so complicated 😏

Exercisejunkieforlife Wed 22-Jun-16 16:45:43

You are not alone, your post could have been written by me.

I had an appointment for counselling yesterday and they have diagnosed me with PTSD, OCD , ED, depression and anxiety. Today I feel really low and can't see the point in life at all if I'm going to feel this way forever etc etc. You know how I feel because you e written it.

I'm sorry I can't help but wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

user1466531167 Thu 23-Jun-16 13:49:21

I'm sorry to hear how u r feeling Exercisejunkieforlife. It's horrible is it. Thank God for forums like these 😇 Hopefully either ur diagnosis they will be able to help you recover. I understand ur thoughts on not wanting to live when your feeling low !!!! I'm up and down a lot at the moment. I'm so tired from it.
Don't ever apologise for not helping. Just you replying is more than enough. To feel that I'm not alone helps. Hugs for you 🤗🤗

Petal40 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:14:57

I understand too...I have days identical to yours then days were I'm fine...for me it's stress .it tips me over the not on medication as it makes me gain weight...but I should be....I'm sorry I've no advice to give...I suppose just take one day at a time ,and your family needs you...

Petal40 Thu 23-Jun-16 20:18:07

Actually Yes I have round the block or park....some kind of exercise...walking with a buggy if they are still in one...that's all that really helps me is exercise ..lots of it X

user1466531167 Thu 23-Jun-16 22:46:33

Hi Petal40.

Yeah I get stressed very easily and too overwhelming when there's a lot to do. A few medications made me gain a lot of weight including comfort eating. But my meds I'm on now seem to be working along side Slimming World. When im feeling low all I feel is that my husband and children would be off without me as I feel I'm a bad mum shouting and losing my temper. But as my husband keeps telling me I'm a fantastic mum. It's hard for me to see it sometimes!!! But I know it's only because I'm not feeling my usual self.

As for exercise. I always struggle for motivation. I feel like I have no time to do what I like (weight lifting). I hate walking. I have a vibration plate which I'm looking at right now lol. I could be a blooming personal trainer with what I know.

suesue89 Thu 23-Jun-16 22:53:08

Hey ladies, I agree with exercise but sometimes it's hard when you have more than one child to care for and you actually can't be asked to do anything. But when I'm down is when my life is not in order, things like waking up and telling myself to be happy and cleaning the house spending time with the kids cooking. Doing things that will tire you out basically. So when I sit down at the end of the with a nice fag and a glass of wine on my balcony I feel so content I know that sounds daft but sometimes all we need is structure and also time away from the kids. I don't know if you guys don't have family near by or husbands to help out but set a night aside to go out with your friends be young again and enjoy the simple things like a movie, dinner, going to a bar it's all about how you choice to spend your day. There are times I just can't be asked to do anything and towards the end of the night I regret feeling sorry for myself and feeling sad and there are days when my DH is home and we do everything together and in the evening when the kids are down I go round to my friends for a few drinks come home laughing my ass off. Just remember ladies you need YOU time. I hope everyone is feeling good today xxx

Paula51 Thu 30-Jun-16 13:01:46

Hi Everyone, I am new, and I feel just like all the others feel, I cant cope when there is stress, I am anxious all the time, I am on setraline and propranolol, which helps to take edge of the physical feelings. But I feel I let my kids down, I have had CBT, but when I am at my worst I cannot seem to use the strategies! I wish I was able to cope like others, or at least think I can! Good luck everyone, wishing you a good day.

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