Dc only things keeping me going

[Orchidflower1]

That's it really- they are the only things stopping me from doing something final. I'm so sad and stupid my anxiety was getting better but back again- feel like it's two steps forward and one back. Have no one in Rl who knows how bad it is.only a few friends and dh doesnt want me to tell one of them coz she knows his friends. Dd is off school today not well. Dh went to work with rage as fed up with me. I've put on 2 stone whilst off work- look like sh!t. There's any empty carrier bag in my room and I seriously- albeit for 2/3 seconds thought about sticking my head in it. So sad x

[Msqueen33]

Firstly big hugs. Firstly get yourself to the Gp you don't have to struggle alone. I'm not sure what services are like in your area but your Gp should be able to help. Don't suffer on your own. There's no shame in having mh issues and we all need help now and again. Have you thought of ringing the Samaritans?

[Orchidflower1]

Thanks for responding- I have tried fluoextine and had to stop as climbing walls with anxiety and sickness. I've got diazapam at the moment- been taking a bigger dose for 2 weeks now. I just want to be normal or as normal as I was before this sh:t Flaired up.

[MarvinGorilla]

Take one day- or even one hour at a time. Do everything you can to comfort yourself- I have a list of things that help, from making a cup of tea to hugging a hot water bottle. And write down a list of all the things making you upset or anxious, that really helps clear your mind.

Is diazepam Valium? If so I know from experience you can't be on that long term, but it does help during a crisis. You need long term controlled medication- I'm on a beta blocker and escitalopram which are very good, maybe you could ask about those. Tell the dr how rough your feeling, be totally honest and they will help you. If your mind is spiralling and you don't want to talk to anyone IRL then I find calling the Samaritans is a huge help.

I am sending you a big hug, an imaginary bar of chocolate and a cup of tea . Please keep talking to us.

[Orchidflower1]

Thanks marvin your post was so nice it made me cry. I've just booked up gp for later this week. How do you find escitlopram? I've had no joy on beta blockers as they lower my blood pressure too much. I was prescribed escitalopram by a different doc after I could cope with sideeffects of Prozac. I never took it as was scared of side effects and at the time wasn't feeling too bad.
Did it make you more anxious?

[AnxietySertraline]

I am on Sertraline. The start-up sideeffects are bad, but keep going bc I really need to get better...

[MarvinGorilla]

Oh bless you, don't cry. This will pass and everything will get better.

No I find the escitalopram very good, sometimes these things don't seem appropriate for different people but it certainly helps me. I'm glad you're seeing the dr. Prozac was terrible for me, different people seem to suit different ones.

[Orchidflower1]

Yesterday was a bit better- today awful. Just trying

[MarvinGorilla]

Just take it minute by minute. Don't push yourself. Do everything you can to make yourself feel comforted, pyjamas, bath, cheerful tv, whatever. When are you seeing the dr?

[Orchidflower1]

Seeing doc tomorrow afternoon- is worse today as last night dh said he is embarrassed by my weight gain ( 2stone in as many months). He goes through times of being really supportive and others of being fed up- I know it must be draining on him. House is a tip so got to try and tidy a bit before he gets home. I want my life back to how it was a year ago. X

[MarvinGorilla]

He should never say he is embarrassed by your weight gain!! That's appalling. and you do not have to tidy up for when he gets home. The only thing that matters is how you are feeling. I'd suggest posting in relationships for advice about your dh because he should absolutely not be treating you this way.