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Miss my baby

(5 Posts)
C3ninja Sun 19-Jun-16 03:02:53

Hi I am new to the board... but I did something years ago and I just can't talk to anyone IRL about it... so thought I would see if anyone else had been through something similar... please don't judge - I already do enough myself.

A number of years ago I was stuck in a very v/p/s abusive relationship and whilst on a summer holiday he raped me and left me in a very bad way. So much so that I packed a small bag and left the hotel and island the very next morning. We still had another week of the holiday left which gave me time to get to his place and collect my belongings and be gone before he got back to the UK. I had great support from family and friends but no-one knew all that had been going on. Much later, I discovered I was pregnant and I knew that if he ever found out he would never let me go. I hid the pregnancy from everyone (including doctors) and after the baby was born - in my flat when I was alone - I took it to the local hospital and left her there. He already has girls and he is so over protective of them I knew my daughter would have no life and I would have even less....

No-one knows to this day and he is well out of my life... but I can't stop thinking about my daughter....

Melonrunner Sun 19-Jun-16 15:43:54

Oh my goodness. That must have been such a hard decision, but a selfless one made out of love. Do you want to get in contact? How old is she now?

C3ninja Mon 20-Jun-16 10:07:20

She will be 5 next month.
I can't stop crying and miss her so much. It's always been hard but I started a new job recently and someone I work with has a daughter around the same age and it's a real reminder everyday of the things I am missing out on. Things I will never get to experience.

MarvinGorilla Mon 20-Jun-16 11:05:34

Oh bless you. I'm so sorry for your ordeal. Do you have anyone IRL you can talk to? What about seeing a counsellor? Are you thinking you'd like to find her? Xx

Borderline69 Mon 20-Jun-16 20:31:49

I really feel for you. It must be so hard, I can't even imagine. Would you like to get in touch with social services to find out how she is? You may be able to write her a letter if you wanted to.

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