i suffered a mental break down last night

[diamond457]

I had a mental break down last night. I fell out with dp because he let me down, staying out later at the pub, when he said he would be home earlier to do something with me.
I have had hell of a lot on my plate lately. I don't have a job due to stress at work (I had to leave) this is what started my stress, I was great before this.
Dp knew I'd be happier if I got another job and told me to leave. All financial strain is on him and I can't contribute. I'm trying to get a new job but have been unsuccessful so far. This has a huge effect on my self worth and stress levels. I want a happy comfortable family life and I'm riddled with guilt that I'm not contributing. The stress was caused by a bully manager and I was basically pushed out of a job I love. It has changed me as a person, feel like I've lost my mind.
Anyway last night...I got up at 3am packed a suitcase, took some pills and told dp I was leaving. I got in the car and drove. Dp didn't go after me or call me which made me more upset. I have no idea why I done it but I couldn't control myself at the time. It was a total rage, not planned or thought out.

I came home after a couple of hours ranting to dp that he doesn't understand how I feel. He doesn't know how lonely and isolated I am all the time. And when he didn't come home as planned I felt like another person has let me down, I'm not worthy enough of been thought of or put first.

I need help. I'm mortified and embarrassed I can't tell anyone. I can't believe work stress has done this to me and I feel like I've lost who I am.
I am not on anti depressants but I am prescribed anxiety meds which I only take when neeed..
Yesterday my heart was pounding all day, uncomfortably and I'm not sure if the outburst was just a panic attack as I couldn't breath properly during the outburst.
I'm ashamed of myself and I know I need to get a grip. I feel like I've let him down and myself down. Keep thinking why is he with me if this is what I do after a minor argument.
I know I would feel Better if I got a job and was able to graft and provide. I'm not sure where to go from here. I feel like a nut case.

[H3]

Hi, hope you're ok? Just wanted to ask how you are & wonder if another visit to your GP would be possible? Panic attacks are horrible x

[Comeonmommy]

How are you doing diamond? Please know you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. You should talk to your GP though and see if they can help, maybe some antidepressants - even if it's just for a bit.

I had a breakdown last year and lost my job so I know how frustrating it is and how worthless you feel not being able to contribute towards your home but you have to take a step back a bit and ask yourself, if you got offered a job tomorrow, would you be in the right frame of mind or do you need a few days to gather yourself and ask for a bit of help - it would help A LOT if your dp could be on your side though so do keep trying to talk to him.

Good luck with the next few days, take the chance to talk to your GP and partner - you will feel a massive weight lift off your shoulders and will then be ready to find a new job. Good luck diamond X