Borderline Personality Disorder

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I've been reading a lot about this and fit so many of the characteristics of it, been on ADs for years, and always assumed I had severe chronic depression. Can I just walk into my Dr and say I think I have it? Does anyone know what is involved with a diagnosis?

[BursarsFrogs]

A GP can't diagnose you with a personality disorder, but they can refer you for a psychiatric assessment, yes.

Would you really want this diagnosis, though? I think it's got more stigma attached to it than most other MH problems, and a diagnosis rarely results in appropriate support and help being offered these days. I was diagnosed with it c. 10 years ago, although I don't believe myself that I quite fit the criteria. It's not been a helpful label to carry around.

[KittyandTeal]

I have this diagnosis after an incorrect bipolar dx.

Gp can refer you on but tbh it won't change anything. They'll just medicate you and possibly offer you some talk therapy but there's lots that apparently doesn't work with bpd. I've been told they won't do anything until I've talked through my ptsd.

I have a mh 'key worker' who calls and checks on me every so often and is always surprised and comments on how non aggressive and receptive I am to his suggestions. Apparently not very bpd! Goes to show the diagnosis is stereotyped even within mh circles.

I fit it pretty perfectly but I hide it all well. I also show some significant symptoms of other personality disorders.

I think it depends on what you want 'out' of a diagnosis.

[KittyandTeal]

That's interesting tinkly as I have both as a diagnosis. However, I think my emotions and past history literally tick the symptoms list of bpd and the ptsd refers to a recent situation that I will be able to come to terms with.

I've not experienced any specific negativity around my diagnosis except a bit of stereotyping. I guess mine is 'mild' or maybe I've lived with it successfully for so long unsupported that it is just part of me and is accepted and dealt with well by most people around me.

My experience is that if you want a fairly significant diagnosis in the hope it will open up more help it just doesn't happen.

[OrangeSplot]

I have mild BPD diagnosed.
It really comforted me knowing that I wasn't just depressed/crazy/different/angry. I was and behaved a certain way, reacted to situations in a particular way because of my psychology.
Unfortunately any help was bullshit.
They recommended me a book called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy which I can post to you if you want as it's just sitting on my shelf and has been for a year or so.

[OrangeSplot]

(To clarify there was no help therefore it was bullshit).

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I typed a reply but it disappeared. I guess I'm at the end of my tether, I'm struggling and I was hoping a different diagnosis might open up different avenues of help. From your posts that doesn't seem to be the case.

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

I'm another one who was rediagnosed with BPD following a seemingly incorrect bipolar diagnosis. It's been hard for me as I've had the bipolar diagnosis for 17 years, and now I'm having to accept a new one that is even more wilfully misunderstood.

The new diagnosis appears to be going in my favour, as my psychiatrist has prioritised me for DBT and being allocated a new CPN, things that I really struggled to get previously.

I find myself completely unable to discuss it with anyone other than my DH. It doesn't help that I've known several people with personality disorders over the years, and they've all been capable of truly monstrous behaviour. I feel very sad about being diagnosed with BPD.

[HappiestMummyAlive]

I have a friend who has BPD and because of her diagnosis she can't go to work, she was referred to Community Mental Health Team, she was diagnosed by a psychiatrist I have read up about it and it seems to be one of the worst mental health illnesses, all she's been offered is psychology.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm sorry to hear that you've been diagnosed with it.

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

Thanks HappiestMummy. I never felt ashamed of being bipolar, but BPD is something I don't want to tell people about. Not that I ever really talked about being bipolar - it was always on a need to know basis - but BPD has such negative connotations and it really does feel like something to be ashamed of.

[KittyandTeal]

Tbh I don't actually know anyone apart from me with a bpd diagnosis.

I can imagine it is 'easy' to behave in unacceptable ways and blame the diagnosis.

To me it's been a bit of a revelation. My behaviour is fairly socially typical and acceptable because I've learnt how to be that way. However, I just figured that everyone felt the same way as I did and just dealt with it way better. Having a bpd diagnosis has helped me realise that it's not just my mood but my emotions and thinking that are an issue. That its ok to not have a true sense of self and to be petrified of certain emotions. It explains why I so desperately harp on at relationships that I know are unhelpful or harmful. It has helped me see those as seperate from myself and to say 'I'm not going to do/worry about that, that's the bpd talking'.

In that sense the diagnosis has been helpful in understanding myself.

I can feel myself starting to move through the PTSD, I think it could resolve fairly quickly as I'm dealing with it immediately after the event rather than letting it simmer (I truly believe that my bpd has stemmed from ptsd related to sever adolescent trauma that I didn't ever deal with and that the PTSD morphed in to bpd, I don't k ow how likely that is but it's how I feel)

I got no answer when I asked about dbt after my talk therapy for ptsd had finished. I'd like to deal with my difficulty dealing with simple emotions from myself and others.

[KittyandTeal]

I have always been open about my various MH diagnosis (anorexia, bipolar, ptsd) however I have kept the bpd to my chest a bit more. I've told others but I'm not as open. I feel people think either bpd = manipulative or they think personality disorder = unstable, unsafe and mental!

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

Kitty, I get a lot of what you're saying. It's true that the BPD diagnosis has helped me understand some of my behaviours, like my extreme emotional reactions and my very black and white way of thinking. DH now understands that I'm not trying to be a dick, and that it really is just how I'm wired, and he's doing his best to work through all that with me.

Like you, what I really want is help to deal with my emotional difficulties. I've always been open and receptive to suggestions that might help, so I'm hoping none of the professionals write me off too quickly!

[HappiestMummyAlive]

BeautyGoesToBenidorm

I have read all the negative things about the disorder, such as people with BPD being manipulators and liars, my friend is neither any of those things, there's days when she is completely "normal" then days where she is just upset and miserable and she doesn't know why.

She's the nicest person, very kind hearted and would do anything for anyone.

It is a real shame that she has the illness, she really wants to go to work or go study but she can't.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I've booked an appointment with my GP to discuss things but I'm not sure, and I've seen enough MH professionals to think surely someone would have mentioned it by now? I'm just really struggling with my emotions right now.

[HappiestMummyAlive]

MyGastIsFlabbered

Sometimes it can be mis-diagnosed, I worked for MIND for a while before I had children, a lot of people I worked with were mis-diagnosed with things they didn't have.

[Boogers]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder in 2012 after being initially diagnosed with depression in 1999 and trying most anti-depressants on the market. I now take mood stabilisers and anti psychotics and it's been a massive case of trial and error getting the medication and dose right so as to both keep me level and keep me functioning the next day.

I was eventually diagnosed after a manic episode which culminated in my trying to drown myself in the river at the bottom of the lane. Diagnosis was via several lengthy appointments with two psychiatrists, though the first psychiatrist was an on-duty medic after I tried to drown myself.

What makes you feel that you have bpd?

[LadyDeadpool]

I have BPD and the only time I really see judgement is on online forums, I guess people keep it to themselves.

I'm attending group therapy for people with BPD and have high hopes of something finally helping me now I have a real diagnosis as I've been this way as long as I can remember. I only got my diagnosis after the police took me to A&E as I was suicidal and my neighbours had called them after hearing me screaming at my partner for trying to stop me leaving the house and throwing myself under a train.

[KittyandTeal]

Beauty we sound pretty similar. A definite to the black and white thinking. My DH tries to introduce the 'grey elements' but I do need help, especially relating to other people's behaviour. I often write people off as dicks if they do something I don't agree with, I'm slowly learning that lovely people can do or say dickish things and still be nice. That's very confusing to me, I have to process it all very methodically and consciously. In fact I've realised that a lot of my 'acceptable' reactions are ones I've had to rationalise and consciously think about before I act.

Bpd is bloody exhausting. But yes, I've always felt I was 'wired wrong' now I know I am, but it's just different, not wrong.

Happiest - that's good to know about your friend. I'd like to think my friends would say the same about me. I am sensitive and empathetic but I have had to learn it and work at it because that's how I want to be rather than it being totally natural. Maybe that's fake or maybe that's working at being a better version of myself.

I'd like to think people here see me as helpful and empathetic. It's easier online because I can think about things more before replying to people.

[MummySparkle]

I was diagnosed with BPD in 2007. Last year I was diagnosed with Aspergers, and they have said that I do t have BPD. I wuote an autism specialist here "that's just a label psychiatrists stick on anyone they don't know what to do with". I hate it. I feel it has only ever closed doors in my face. I have no idea how I can get the BPD diagnosis retracted. All of my behaviours can be explained by the autism, however I do still meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

What makes me think I have BPD?
My mood can swing from almost suicidal depression to elation in a split second.
My image of myself is totally reliant on how I think others see me, I have no idea who I am
I get very angry, very quickly and cannot control it
I have compulsions I can't control (drinking too much, binge eating crap)
My view on someone can change in a heart beat, a trivial example is I can fancy someone just because they fancy me
I'm on my second divorce and struggle finding and keeping friends
I'll sleep with pretty much anyone, often unsafely
I hate being on my own and really struggle when the boys are with their father
I've self-harmed and attempted suicide, and I often think of doing both.

Someone up thread mentioned black and white thinking and I am totally like that, there is no grey in my life.

So, in a nutshell that's why.

[Boogers]

You need to tell all that to your GP who will refer you to a psychiatrist for assessment. Tell them what you've just said to us.

You say you often think of self harming and attempting suicide - do you have the number of your local crisis team? If you are in crisis you can call 101 or go to A&E and get help there.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Thanks for your concern, I think of suicide and self-harm but I would never act in it, I could never do that to my children. But it doesn't stop the thoughts.
I'm going through an incredibly tough time right now so it might just be a reaction to that, but I'm not so sure. I've had mental health problems for many years. But now I'm not sure being assessed is the best option, it certainly doesn't seem to from your stories.

[KittyandTeal]

Good lord. It is good to soak to people like me.

Gast that sounds like me. I once came far too close to an affiar simply because the guy liked me and I thought I I should fancy him back! In fact almost all that list sounds like me although my self harm is under control and my anger gets pointed inwards rather than out, my compulsions are now 'healthy' as in eating healthily and running but it is definitely obsessive.

I think I gp referral to a psychiatrist is a very good idea. Are you suicidal feelings under control?