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Single mum tired of living

(2 Posts)
Horizoneclipse93 Fri 27-May-16 01:57:56

Im 22yrs old with 3 kids. I have ansixtey, depression and Ptsd, father is in jail because i was sexully assulted and fell pregnant and didnt know who the father was(turns out he was the father) so he flip and stole my car drunk and killed an innocent man at 125kph on boxing day morning , and because of his abuse and isolation i have no friends and the only support i have is my narisictic mother and kids services Which put me in 10k childcare debt when i was in hospital and now they can't help me so i have to go through courts to get it sorted. But will most likely end up having to pay the 10k even though i was told multiple times that the funding went through and dont worry bla bla crap.

I have attempted sucide a few times, been in hospitals and been on medications, none of it works. I regularly see my phycogist.

I just dont like waking up every morning to deal with everything by myself. I cant go shopping i panic, i cant do anything for myself because im broke.

Im basicly stuck being a full time mum and i have no conection to my childern. They hate me, they do anything and everything to anoy an get into trouble. My older two go to school which is a nice break..

I fell pregnant at a young age, i was on birth control all 3 times!! I studied and read lots of books just for my labor to end in c-sections so i missed out on thaf experience, and i also missed out on the joy of celebrating falling pregnant. Because i was young and it was unplanned.

Now my body looks like a 60yr old and i lost weight (60kg) and it just made me look worse.

Im hopeless, pathetic and i dont want to be a mother. I actully dont want to be alive at all. But I worry about my kids if i kill myself, what will they think, it will stuff them up even more then they are already.

Imbroglio Sun 29-May-16 09:43:05

You sound really down at the moment and three young kids is tough for anyone when you are in your own or not. You are dealing with a lot of trauma by the sound of it.

Good that you are getting psychological support. Are you also in contact with social services? Could you ask them if there is a support group in your area which could help you?

Also if you are feeling suicidal there is Samaritans.

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