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I think i may be suffering anxiety but feel too embarrassed to talk to anyone.

(12 Posts)
Floflo10 Fri 20-May-16 22:40:37

For the last 6 months-1yr I've had trouble remembering words and even saying words that don't even sound right in the sentence. Afterwards I don't know why I said that word but sometimes find it hard to start conversations as i can't recall the words I need. Generally when I'm not over thinking I'm a chatty person and can speak to individuals fairly easily. Recently I've become so aware of the way I come across. I'm feeling paranoid that people are noticing.
I've had a tough 12 months but I think the slight trauma is coming out in other ways now.

Last July I found out my dad had cancer, we went through a horrible 6 months but he's in the clear now albeit with no bladder. He's having to be checked regularly though. We then moved house. Then my mum had open heart surgery which was extremely stressful and a lot of traveling to hospitals involved. She's now recovering well. I have an 8 and 5 yr old, the 8year old is such hard work, always has been and causes extreme stress in our house. I also went to Counselling due to emotional abuse from my husband. It has improved but is still ongoing. We argue a lot and he stillcauses me a lot of grief. I chose not to go back to work after children but now I want to go back and I'm planning my cv but all my confidence has gone. I don't feel myself. I feel anxious, nervous, paranoid. Plus my husband always leaves me with a fight or flight feeling when we argue that can keep me awake for hours. I thought I was dealing with things ok but am now suspecting that I'm dealing with some form of anxiety. I just want to feel normal and get on with a happy life for a change.

AliceScarlett Sat 21-May-16 11:06:08

Would you feel embarrassed talking to your GP? Sounds like a horrible time you have had, you don't need to cope alone flowers

Floflo10 Sun 22-May-16 20:59:06

I think I may have to. Thanks for replying x

HopperBusTicket Sun 22-May-16 21:04:09

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Please have a chat with your GP. Anxiety is very common and there are things that can help. Good luck.

Acornantics Sun 22-May-16 21:18:59

Could you print out what you've written above and show it to your GP? Might be easier rather than having to say it out loud, which could be really hard, I imagine.

I'm sure your doc would be able to advise you about the best way forwards. Take care of yourself.

Wolfiefan Sun 22-May-16 21:24:23

I have suffered from anxiety and depression.
I also have eczema and asthma.
Why should I be embarrassed? For problems with either my mental and physical health? Of course I shouldn't.
The problem with MH issues is that part of the problem is the way you may feel you should just get on with things, that you don't deserve help or you have no reason to feel depressed. That is GARBAGE and the illness talking. It sucks.
But you can get better.

Abb27 Wed 25-May-16 02:37:23

I have had a very similar experience to what you are describing. I've always had problems with anxiety but I thought for the most part that it was an integral part of my character. After having CBT with an amazing therapist I am starting to feel better in some regards. I was able to self-refer for CBT online. I plucked up the courage to finally speak to my GP, and he just wrote down the name of a website and I left! Try googling 'self help services', I think it largely depends on your area as to whether you can self refer. You can have therapy in person, over the phone, or sometimes online. I had weekly sessions over the phone, so really, I didn't actually need to visit anyone for the whole duration!

I have a tendency to worry that I will say something stupid and embarrass myself. I sometimes just can't think of the right word or sometimes say the wrong word and then feel terribly stupid afterwards. I've begun to realise that anxiety puts a real demand on your cognitive load, which is why you end up making these types of errors. You are processing so much at once (pressure to say the right thing, analysing the people you're talking to making sure they aren't passing negative judgements, processing/monitoring all of the physical sensations - like the fight or flight response you mention). There's a lot going on in these moments. It's really hard to take the first step, but with therapy, overtime, you can develop an awareness of what's going on personally for you in these encounters and start to regain control. Once you learn how to control the anxious feelings/worries, it's much easier to think straight. In time, you can learn to stop being so hard on yourself. I began to realise that even when I make a silly mistake and say the wrong thing, it's actually ok, people don't judge me. I remember my therapist asking me: How would you react if someone accidentally used a word in the wrong context? Would you really care that much, or judge them? It's hard at first, but you do start to accept these ideas over time. I have some unrelated issues which are getting in the way at the moment, but anxiety wise, CBT really helped me.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, but if you speak to your GP, I really don't think you'll regret it. Let us know how you get on x

Rainatnight Wed 25-May-16 03:17:24

Poor you, you've had an awful lot on your plate and you wouldn't be human if it wasn't affecting you. Do speak to your GP as others have suggested. They'll be well used to it and will get you the help you need (there's a bit of a wait in some areas for counselling, but at least you can get the ball rolling). flowers

Floflo10 Wed 25-May-16 12:34:13

Thank you for your advice. I had a phone convo with the Dr and he agreed and said I should come in for a proper appointment. I even felt silly talking about it, like anxiety is daft (which I know isn't) I've had a lot on but everyone else seems to cope ok and I thought I was coping ok but the stress from my husband/son through out it all is pushing me over the edge. The way my husband gets angry and deals with his stress plus his inability to communicate properly has drained me. I find him so thoughtless and selfish. He's struggling at work but he brings in a good wage. Because he works hard for us it's like he thinks he's entitled to be a complete shit. I feel numb for days when he gets angry. He'd never hurt me and he's improving slightly but I find him hard to cope with. I Really appreciate all your replies and I'll see how my dr appointment goes. X

Rainatnight Thu 26-May-16 07:44:54

I'm so glad that you're getting some help. That's a really brave thing to do and you should be really proud of yourself. I hope the doctor's appointment goes well.

I wonder if you might also need to do some thinking about the future of your relationship. Would it be worth phoning Women's Aid for a chat about emotional abuse?

Floflo10 Thu 26-May-16 15:13:20

I've had a couple of Counselling sessions with relate on my own and my husband has improved in some ways (more aware of the big rages) but he's still not so aware of the day to day mini angers he has and the way he is with me/the children. I speak up more now which didn't always happen. I'll see how he goes and keep an eye on how he repeats the cycle. X

Abb27 Thu 26-May-16 23:40:26

I'm so pleased that you felt able to pursue getting some support. Good luck. I really hope that things start to improve for you soon flowers

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