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How do you cope on a bad day? Fed up of feeling like this

(39 Posts)
Thecatgotmytongue Fri 20-May-16 20:55:35

So, I'm a mess... I've been taking ADs on and off for over fifteen years, various ones. I recently tried a change, as I thought the ones I'd been taking a while were no longer working, but the new ones caused me to eat all the time (and I eat too much anyway), putting on half a stone in a week. I stopped taking them, but after a few days felt really low and went back to my old ADs.

I still feel rubbish. There seems no point to my day and I would rather sleep all day than cope with how I feel.

My relationship seems bound to fail. I comfort eat or eat out of boredom all the time. I can't work because I'm unreliable, likely to go to pieces at any moment and stay in bed. I have an illness phobia, so would stay away from work if someone was ill.

My health is bad at the moment, I'm in pain most of the time.

I'm worrying and stressed about everything. I don't receive jsa because I can't bear to sign on and be treated the way they treat people, plus I'm in no fit state to attend interviews or search for lots of jobs a day. My ESA was stopped when I failed my work capability assessment, I've put in for mandatory reconsideration, but they're taking their time and in the meantime I've no money.

My dp is very understanding, but can't be there for me all the time. Also sexually we are not clicking at all and it all feels so hopeless.

I want to curl up and sleep.

Please don't tell me to do mindfulness or exercise .. The pain I'm in prevents me doing exercise and I've no motivation for mindfulness.

My gp has referred me for counselling, but there is a long waiting list. All she does in the meantime is prescribe drugs. I asked her to refer me for psychiatric assessment because I'm worried about my extreme mood swings and paranoia, but she said I had to go to counseling first.

It's so bad, I wish I had the courage to end it all.

I've tried emailing the Samaritans, but their reply was a bit wishy washy and didn't help. I have a phobia of phones, so can't call to speak to anyone.

Has anyone been there and managed to recover?

Buggers Fri 20-May-16 21:00:01

I've not been exactly in your position but I do get a lot of bad days so I can tell you what makes me feel better if it's any help?

A spring clean of the house with nice candles lit grin
If you can manage it get out the house it's your worst enemy when you feel down.
A bit of self pity in the eveningchocolate
Try to think of something to look forward to and whenever you feel crap try to focus on the positive thing your looking forward too.

Probably rambled more than helping but I'm always here to chat flowers

Thecatgotmytongue Fri 20-May-16 21:06:13

Thank you. I've done nothing but eat crisps and chocolate today, not good.

The weather's awful, otherwise I would have tried a little walk ... But the pain afterwards makes me hesitate really anyway.

I sometimes get in the car and drive too the retail park but I have no will power and end up spending too much (another problem).

Thecatgotmytongue Fri 20-May-16 21:06:48

I have nothing to look forward to sad

Buggers Fri 20-May-16 21:20:04

Something as simple as planning a movie night with your oh with some snacks could be something to look forward to and focus on, would that be something you would be interested in? You wouldn't believe how good you can feel from doing something as simple as sorting a cupboard when you wake up thinking it will be another horrible day because it makes you feel like your in control of everything and you've achieved something in the day. Don't worry about the crisps and chocolate - you only live once so not point eating crap you don't like wink

Blomme Fri 20-May-16 21:20:41

Try to call the Samaritans if you are able on 116 123.
Or pop in to your local Mind branch if there's one near you -

I know that there can be a wait for counselling but it really is worth hanging on and seeing how they can help you. Good luck.

Thecatgotmytongue Fri 20-May-16 21:32:43

Dp won't plan at all, but we sit in front of the tv most nights - he doesn't go out.

I can't pick up the phone sad and I can't go to MIND - it's a small town, I know people there.

I have done some filing today. Otherwise I've spent all day for dp to get in touch, we were going to spend the day together, then something came up, in the meantime I'd waited all day to hear from him.

Blomme Fri 20-May-16 21:47:45

Have you tried the Living Life to the full website?
There are a few links including why do I feel so bad.

Buggers Fri 20-May-16 21:53:11

Well why don't you find a film you both like, get snacks you both enjoy and surprise him one evening on his day off grin do you have any DC?

Thecatgotmytongue Sat 21-May-16 01:32:38

I've not heard of Living life to the full, I'll have a look.

He doesn't handle surprises well, I dont think he'd like it buggers.

I have a teenage daughter.

Buggers Sat 21-May-16 10:27:41

Are you close to your daughter? Could you have a movie night with her instead?

ElleBellyBeeblebrox Sat 21-May-16 10:32:59

So sorry you're feeling this way. I have been in the depths of it recently it's vile. Sending love.
I tried to give myself a small tiny task each day, so I'd feel some accomplishment when is done it,like planting a few seeds in the garden or walking up to post a letter. On my horrible days even having a wash was one of my tasks that seemed overwhelming (smelly minger).
Put on a song or a shit film that you love, and please keep talking to people. You will not feel like this forever. Someone said to be recently "it's a dropped ball in the game of life". Love and strength to you x

ElleBellyBeeblebrox Sat 21-May-16 10:36:19

Also don't worry about what you're eating. As long as the crisps and chocolate are accompanied by fruit/veg during the day eat what you fancy. Diet overhaul can wait til you're feeling stronger.

Shakey15000 Sat 21-May-16 10:37:36

If I'm having a bad day then I "give in". And by that I mean that I accept it's a shit day and allow my depression to overtake and "have it's day". I will curl up and sleep, feel down, eat chocolate and wallow.

Because by doing that, I am acknowledging that I live with depression. But more importantly, it still leaves me in control. I know that can sound backward but it works for me. It's like me saying "Uh-huh, yep, ok. You've got me today. I will let you rule and rear your head. But just today. NOT tomorrow"

AliceScarlett Sat 21-May-16 11:59:40

Maybe waiting for counselling /CBT is better than not having any talking therapy at all? Depression is horrible and saps motivation, but try not to turn down the help offered.

bluejasmin Sat 21-May-16 14:49:02

The same as someone else mentioned , I set myself a few small tasks like clean kitchen drawer or sort a charity bag out so at least I feel I've achieved something .
What about box sets ? Or it sounds silly but I quite like watching You tube tutorials and can lose a few hours watching them and then I do t have to think about life the mundane chat on them helps weirdly ! flowers

NanaNina Sun 22-May-16 00:10:27

Oh I feel for you OP. I've been suffering with depression for almost 7 years and like you have been on lots of different ADs, none of them have proved much help. I do see a psychiatrist and he has just prescribed yet another AD which probably won't work.

On bad days I stay under the duvet till mid day (somehow the pain seems less under the duvet) and then get through the day the best way I can. I know we should get fresh air but I won't go out in case I meet anyone I know. I have a supportive DP and god knows what I'd do without him.

Thecatgotmytongue Sun 22-May-16 00:36:10

Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, I do sometimes watch a favourite film, something cheesy like You've Got Mail grin

Eating chocolate etc is fine, but making me more depressed because I'm overweight.

Thecatgotmytongue Sun 22-May-16 00:38:12

Yes Nana, it's true the pain seems less under the duvet. I do stay in bed most days until midday, it's a little more bearable there and time passes when asleep.

Foofoobum Sun 22-May-16 01:11:05

I have OP. I was at rock bottom and ready to die but I didn't and 14 years on I'm still here living a very different life and quite content life.
I still get mood dips but I let them happen. I spent so long constantly fighting my low moods that they never went away.
I learned to take life a second at a time and work up to a day at a time.
I made drastic changes to my life that some people think was brave but I was so low I didn't actually care what happened to me - thankfully those changes (leaving work, bad friends and a dead relationship) started me on the road to recovery. It wasn't easy and there many dips on the way but I'm so much happier now & deal with low moods so much better. Look after yourself OP - that's always the first step. Let others tak responsibility for their own stuff and even some of yours for a while. Take care x

Thecatgotmytongue Sun 22-May-16 02:07:07

Thanks foo. I dont know how to do that. I have no friends nearby, my only family is fat far away. I don't have a job and no idea what I could do at present.

I am trying to look after myself, but then I behave stupidly and hate myself. And the worst thing is, knowing I'll do it again sad

FastWindow Sun 22-May-16 02:21:39

Stop hating yourself first. Acknowledge the dip you are in, as a pp said, let it be what you are, for now. The guilt is what stops you in your tracks , and also what contributes to the wilful self destruction and the not wanting to get back up, because its easier not to. But you must. The trees are prettier when you can see them properly.

Call the Samaritans. They don't mind if you can't talk. They stay, they wait, until you can.

LittleHouseOnTheShelf Sun 22-May-16 02:23:45

Op, you can email the Samaritans at

Thecatgotmytongue Sun 22-May-16 02:27:20

I dont know how to stop hating myself. I do stupid things, I drive people I care about away.

I agree, it is easier to stay here, because anything else feels impossible at the moment. I'm scared of failing. I've started too many jobs, courses etc in the past, which I then couldn't follow through with, because I took to my bed with depression/anxiety, I'm scared to start again. It's not fair to others.

I've emailed the Samaritans, they've replied, it's a start. Not sure it will help, but it's a start, someone to tell it all to.

FastWindow Sun 22-May-16 02:33:18

Dont start anything. Start very, very small. Like getting up, washed.

Tell the people you love most that you can't do anything at the moment.

Treat yourself very gently.

Do you want to get better? Really strange question, i know. Don't answer me, ask yourself.

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