Have apparently exhausted every possibe form of treatment offered in this neck of the woods (which appears to be very little to none). Used to being made to feel like a waste of space for being alive and unable to cope. Deemed to be making a fuss if I ask for help. Weird discrepancy beween services judging things as serious and sending police to drag me to hospital as a suicide risk, and said hospital not giving a shit and blaming me for being dragged in. I'm unable to work, wake each day feeling sick, anxious, exhausted and chronically suicidal. Keep trying to keep the smile on long enough to do basic tasks. GP knows and is in despair at the system but doesn't seem to understand why I'm not magically getting better.
Dark humour helps. 
So here we are.
... A space to vent, discuss things and offer encouragement in the context of not being able to access "help". Service cuts combined with increased demand mean there will be more of us in this position. The original thread seemed like a good idea but weird bumping it months later. :)
As previous thread asked: "Been "escorted" to hospital by the police chasing your ambulance? Been told by the psych team you're fine and there's nothing they can do?"
Finding it tough? Need to let of steam? Found anything that helps that you'd like to share?
Welcome to the new Lost Souls Lounge!
(Previous thread here.)
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Mental health
Lost Souls Lounge - for those who have fallen throgh the cracks of the MH system
OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 18/05/2016 16:23
Alice Who's Dave?! Did it autocorrect DBT..? I'm unsure about recovery colleges... they seem to vary by area in usefulness, but that's only what I've heard/read, not had experience myself. They seem to be a way of discharging people who could do with some support, which I don't agree with, but that's a larger issue and of course the individual things offered may be helpful. It's a shame our society isn't more supportive and inclusive; it seems that to manage in mainstream society is actually a very high bar!
grey Unfortunately, it's not the coping that's the issue... i's being able to do anything more than "cope". I hate being so incapacitated, having to manage the smallest things so I don't get overwhelmed. The sheer amount of time used up by "coping" and the constant effort to do basic things. Returning to work seems a distant nightmare dream. If you don't mind me asking, did you find you gradually got better once you were able to cope with the feelings? Was there anything else that helped?
Today I have cooked a huge vat of soup and am enoying the sunshine too. 
Oh my goodness Once I could have written your original post word for word.
I've had the Police + Ambulance combo twice in the past 6 weeks now.
Then I got to hospital only to be told there was nothing wrong with me and to go home, that when I got home the Psychiatrist and Crisis team would call me in the morning. Did they call? Did they fuck.
So I was discharged from hospital, even though I hadn't called the Police & Ambulance in the first place, still actively suicidal 20 miles from home with no way of getting back at 4am. I walked 3 miles to the train station and waited for the first train home at 6am.
I cannot work either and just to add a bit of extra fun to the mix work are threatening me that I will lose my job. I was forced back to work after their threats, had a breakdown at work and now at least, they have told me I must be signed off for now although they question my ability to work and my job is still at risk. As a single parent I am the lone breadwinner so this too is a cause of stress and ill health. Even though I have had comparatively little time off.
I'm going to start my own thread about another aspect of it all but 
to all of you, I know only too well how difficult it is to access support at the moment.
The police-escorting-of-ambulance-to-A&E-only-to-be-told-to-fuck-off-and-go-home scenario is not regular/usual for me btw! Was quoting originl thread. It's more a case of go to GP, get referred, referral rejected by this stage. The whole thing is just utter disinterest, until you unewxpectedly come across someone who suddenly takes you seriously but they make it all dramatic and ott! Especially friends/others, I find I have to hide how I feel from most people because they just want to fob me off on services and actually seem quite cross that I struggle, and sort of annoyed I'm not "getting help". It's a bit similar on here sometimes tbh... strange, as other boards here have some good debate but being disillusioned or even antipsychiatry here doesn't seem to happen!
So you are saying that once you could cope with the bad feelings you were functioning as normal? My issue is that I can cope, but I can't do stuff. So eg. I may wake in crisis (almost always do actually, even waking crying out and screaming recently) and I can sort of make tea, wrap myself in duvet, have a laugh at mumsnet classics or something. But doing this is incompatible with normal life - I'm not getting up and going to work, for example. So I "cope" but in no way am I coping with normal life, if you see what I mean. And as time's gone on, I am spending more time "coping". It's often days on end of just scraping by in this way.
I force myself to do things but it takes huge effort just to do the basics so I feel like a failure. People seem to think that I should "do more" and that will magically make me happy, as if I'm just bored or something 
. They dont seem to understnd I have plenty to do, and the reason I'm not it because actually it took all day just to "cope", nevermind concentrate on anything or face going out. It's so frustrating and upsetting, to want to get on with things yet have no drive, no concentration, nothing is enjoyable, and on top of that people judge me and treat me like I'm lazy and stupid.
I'm sorry, I cant pretend i'm fine right now.
I never realised the police-and-ambulance scenario was so common 
Broken
Welcome Marbelous Really, I don't think medication is ever really a solution to PTSD, and especially not if you had no pre-existing MH issues. No drug can undo what happened to you, sadly - and as such, I don't think psychiatry is equipped to deal with trauma. Have the psychology team given a date at which point you will no longer be "too acute" for help? If not, it might be worth asking them what else they'd suggest. Whatever happened to you, I am very, very sorry.
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grey You are so right about psychiatry not dealing with trauma. I suppose it goes against the whole biological basis for their discipline. Although some do cross over into psychology, we need more of this! Also, I though it had been policy across the NHS to exclude peope diagnosed BPD from services? Hence the fanfare at no longer doing so in 2007. Am amazed some areas had services! I must have been very unlucky (2004/5). If you'd be happy to PM me the area/trust you were under at the time, I'd be interested to look into this. I understand if you'd rather not, though.
Marbelous I love your username. For the completely random reason it reminds me of the Malay word for 15, which is "lima belas", which I always hear as "le marbelous" and makes me think of someone saying "bloody marvellous"! Ahem.
cat Yes, it's so frustrating isn't it? The whole system seems to be full of catch 22s. Can you appeal the WCA decision? Appeals seem to have a high sucess rate (I appealed and won after scoring 0).
Had to send off benefit form and it has deranged me. Feel like I'm lying when I tell the truth because I'm so used to thinking I'm fine really and should just manage fine and not make a fuss. Then when I remind myself it's true I feel really shit and hopeless. (Although it did make me smile when it said "please fill out this form in ink" - what else were people using? Blood?!)
The worst bit was seeing my CMHT discharge letter again. Full of lies and misdirection. So distressing and makes me feel so powerless and sort of stitched up by services. They write stuff that sounds reasonable but anyone who knows about psychology, treatments etc would spot the misdirection - but of course those in power, or PALS, or whoever would not spot it. For eg. they write that they have offered me DBT "which is the NICE recommended therapy". Sounds lovely and helpful. Only they haven't offered it to me - thay have offered very watered down little chats about DBT skills (which I didn't even know was the purpose of the chats beforehand). Which is not recommended, because that is not DBT. All the resarch on DBT would not include that. And Marsha Linehan who invented DBT is very clear about how it's supposed to be done. (It's supposed to be very structured and includes individual therapy, group skills sessions, and phone coaching). Also, they only offer stage 1 which is meant to reduce life-threatening and self-destructive behaviours. Stages 2-4 are the actual "healing" part, once the person is stable, but "living a life of quiet desperation". I'm at that stage, that's the bit where past trauma is treated. But they prefer to just harp on about "managing distress" and so on, actually getting better and functioning again doesn't matter, as long as you're not bothering them.
But I digress. The point is, most people would assume I had been offered DBT and that what I had been offered was clinically effective. So I look like I'm the problem for "not engaging". Even though I did engage and try to explain as best as possible to the person I saw (who was an occupational therapist not a psych nurse, psychologist or psychotherapist!) She vaguely mentioned DBT and I expressed my concerns, even she agreed my main presenting problem seems to be depression. Then they write it up that I've refused DBT! 
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