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Can't cope with the financial roller coaster anymore

(15 Posts)
purpleapple1234 Thu 12-May-16 11:45:07

To be honest, maybe this should in mental health or relationships but money is essentially the problem. Or how powerless I feel over our finances. Since meeting DH I gone on a constant roller coaster of having debt, paying it off, debt, paying it off, finally savings, all gone, savings back up to a really good point and now back in debt again to the tune of £5000.

I feel as if I have to give a disclaimer that I know that others have it worse and actually once the tax comes back in I will be able to pay it off - give it a few months. But it is the stress of having to manage it, having to work so hard (sometimes two jobs when things get really tough - and I am a teacher), having to micromanage every financial decision, not being to afford to eat lunch in the staff canteen while DH still smokes, then making stupid naive wrong decisions which means that it costs me more money that I don't have and has to go on the credit card, having to juggle six different bank accounts so that bills can be paid and still have money to buy food and put petrol in the car, having no adult equal to talk about finances only a sulking 40-year teenagers who acts like I'm a complete bitch for trying (very ineffectually) to get him to give up smoking, having no friends, no money to do stuff to meet friends.

I am not a negative person generally, but I can't cope anymore with the stress that all this causes. l am pretty good with money and deny myself a lot to get us back on track. But then the fucking car breaks down and the mechanics take me for mug. Just a self-pitying rant really. It's hard to deal with that all. I have effectively been in debt all my adult life and I want to be debt-free, but when the shit hits the fan in terms of money I have to bail us out with credit cards again.

PlayingGrownUp Thu 12-May-16 14:43:47

Why do you have 6 bank accounts? I'd streamline them into 1 so it's easier to manage I comings and outgoing a. Definitely get online banking. Cut up all but 1 credit card. Look at different types of budgeting for debt, I'm a fan of snowballing debt personally.

As for smoking - I banned smoking inside the house, anywhere near the kitchen and he had to brush his teeth to get within a foot of me

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 12-May-16 21:58:58

WHY is it so up and down? I don't understand. Most people are either managing or not managing, not sometimes having debt and then the next minute it's all paid off then back to being on debt again. Are you taking out loans/credit cards to pay off the debts on another one?

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 12-May-16 22:00:31

Just re-read. "Since meeting DH....." There is your answer. Is it him causing you financial grief?

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 12-May-16 22:02:21

"Once the tax comes back in..."

What does this mean?

Civilservant Thu 12-May-16 22:03:34

Why do you have financial difficulties?

IceMaiden73 Fri 13-May-16 06:22:30

I think there are a few issues here

1. Why do you have so many bank accounts - have one main account and one savings

2. How do you go from having saving to being £5k in debt, what is the money being spent on?

3. Have you prepared a budget and shown this to OH?

4. Why are you taking on all the burden of this while he seemingly doesn't care?

It seems to me that joint finances in a situation like this is a bad idea

Becoolio Fri 13-May-16 06:27:46

If you are a teacher doing two jobs why are you so broke? You are on a salary you should be able to live on and your partner smoking wouldn't be getting you into debt. What are these dodgy financial decisions you are making?

Becoolio Fri 13-May-16 06:28:23

Do you have children?

specialsubject Fri 13-May-16 10:48:32

This isn't caused by financial issues. It sounds like it is caused by a dead weight housemate.

AnotherEmma Fri 13-May-16 10:51:46

Does your husband work?
Does he spend more than he brings in to the household?

I think this is a Relationships issue not a money one. If your financial problems started when you met him, why did you marry him?

purpleapple1234 Fri 13-May-16 11:12:59

We moved country, hence going from having a lot of savings to being in debt. I have recently bought flight tickets home (one of my mistakes - like I say well-meaning but not good). Moving also necessitated buying a car - a second hand lemon. We had difficulty finding accommodation, so are having to live somewhere too expensive for us and are in the trap of not being able to afford the deposit for somewhere new due to having to pay very high rent.

I have six accounts as I have 2 in our home countries (I come from one country, DH from another and we live in a third). Then we have a joint savings, joint rent, personal and credit card account. I have deliberately separated them, so that money can be followed and saved more easily.

Another bill is nursery for DD which would make your eyes water. And "tax back" means getting tax money back from the tax man at the end of the financial year. This happens in other countries that have a different tax system to the UK.

Like I say that it is all pretty much under control. The point (if there was one) was that I was not dealing with the stress of it all. Like I said maybe I should have posted in mental health, as this type of stress is extremely corrosive mentally and physically. But having to explain myself and realising that DH is a deadweight has made me much calmer. I'll get this moved to mental health.

PlayingGrownUp Fri 13-May-16 11:56:58

Very little effects people mentally like debt and I think the fact you aren't putting your head in the sand means you are coping with it a lot more than you think.

AnotherEmma Fri 13-May-16 12:03:57

Really?! Putting your head in the sand is coping?

AnotherEmma Fri 13-May-16 12:04:20

Oh sorry. You said aren't putting your head in the sand. Sorry!

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