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What is wrong with me/what can I do?

(2 Posts)
Southernfairy86 Mon 09-May-16 06:33:31

I would appreciate any advice from anyone who has been through similar as I don't know if there is something that can help.
In November time I went to the doctor about feeling low. I would say it could have been mild depression as I have been through worse previously and last time had meetings with the mental health team
Anyway I was given a phone number to self refer for possible counselling. I didn't call because I just don't have the time to fit in counselling. I had paid for private counselling over summer and it helped a bit but I found myself pushing to be OK. Almost pretending that I was over the issues that had led me there because I wanted it to work and scared of what opening the box would do. It also made life harder as it took time out of my already rushed life which added to my stress.

Well now I am going through it again (or maybe I never really got better but could convince myself I was ok)
I feel highly stressed and then nothing. Life wasn't supposed to be like this and I am trying to be a rock for my husband who I think is depressed. I am taking as much of the weight as I can and feel numb to it. It's like I am outside looking in.
I flit between anger, sadness and nothing. I am on autopilot to stay afloat.
I like to be organised and in control and I can't be any of those things at the moment. I am putting on that face to say all is OK.
I don't have any friends and am far away from family (that's a whole other issues as we are near dhs who are not as supportive)
I am not suicidal at all but when I drive I often almost daydream what would happen if I swerved the car and crashed. I don't want to though as I have a lovely dd who is the only joy in my life at the moment.
The stress has sometimes made me almost meltdown at silly things. Numerous times I have had a meltdown trying to park the car, because I felt incapable.

What is wrong with me? Can I get anything from the doctor to help?
When I was depressed years ago I felt really low, constantly cried, stayed up half the night not wanting the day to arrive. This is different.
I almost don't feel anything at all most of the time. I have started postponing going to sleep as I don't want another day to begin but I feel different.
I don't have time for counselling and to be honest I think I'd just do the same thing of going through the motions to pretend I am coping better then within a few weeks Id end up back where I started.

Fedupofbuildingsnowmen Tue 10-May-16 03:58:33

Hi. You need to find something that makes you happy and eases your mind, something that gives you some peace even if only for a few minutes. For me it is listening to music, reading (especially magazines as less effort than a book), craft, running, getting outside, people watching, football. My ultimate treat to myself is a trip to the theatre.
As busy as your life is, you owe it to yourself to find time for yourself and for counselling. #neverquit xxx

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