What I want ...

[HeadHeartAndSoul]

I have long term depression. My H has left. I have a Family Support Officer, as my depression has led to some hoarding. I have young children. I have a gynaecological scan and appointment coming-up, due to bleeding between periods. I was attacked by a stranger outside my home, after H left, sprayed with a caustic substance that put me in A&E and caused Police etc. to come into my home, hence FSO and have just been told that there is no clear CCTV and "compromised" DNA so no match is possible and the investigation has no where to go. Having gone to a GP, not my usual one, about not sleeping, I ended up with a Psych Team referral, so now there is another level of patronising bureaucracy to negotiate, and they gave me a sleeping tablets' prescription which I wouldn't take with young children in the house and tried to get me to change my ADs, when I am happy with what I have and the ones they want me on make you put on weight.

But: I am the one who has approached School and others when I felt I couldn't cope and my Children needed professional intervention. I have co-operated. I have got them to School, fed them, sone my best to carry out normal life, even when I was so ill and their Father had left.

I just want someone to say "Well done: we know it is tough and we know you have issues but, well done for what you are doing."

I feel so criticised all the time.

[GraysAnalogy]

You have done - and I'm going to swear here - absolutely fucking amazing.

Depression is hard enough, but with the amount of crap you've had to put up with yet you've functioned well and done a hell of a lot to not only help yourself but your children.. you're a rockstar.

I'm not just saying that to be nice, I'm not saying that to make you feel better; I'm saying that because it's true.

What you have done so far is truly something to be proud of and you've had multiple achievements. Keep going. Don't stop. You can do this and you can do it well.

Tackling the MH system is hard, it's constant jumping through hoops to get what you need and thats a battle in itself. But you're doing it. You're not only doing it for yourself but you've managed to keep your children safe too.

You might feel criticised, and maybe there have been times when things have gone wrong, but you have got the help you need and you've got help when you've realised you need it - that is something many people cannot do. Keep on doing that.

You are a strong individual and you're going to get through this, things will be better and there's so much light and happiness ahead for you.

[wonderwoo]

I agree: you have done amazingly. You have been through so much and have kept going day after day, and are engaging with all the people you need to. Your children are lucky they are loved and protected so much.

You are obviously a very strong person, and I hope you can see that. Wishing you much happiness in times ahead.

[AnyFucker]

I am so sorry these things have happened. It sounds beyond shit. But the fact you are still standing and looking after your kids is a testament to you.

Keep going as you are. Hopefully soon you will connect with someone who you feel is supportive to you.

[ScarlettDarling]

I think that seems to happen all too often. People are so quick to comment/criticise when things aren't going well, but rarely say anything when you're getting things right.

I totally understand what you're saying. Sometimes just a "well done,you're doing great" can be a massive boost. But people don't think to say it. People don't tend to notice when things are going well.

I'll say it though..."well done, you're doing great!!" I really think you are. It sounds like you've been through some horrible stuff but you've been brave enough to ask for help and have made sure that your dc have been well looked after throughout. Keep on being strong, things will get better.

[RustyPaperclip]

As others have said, you have clearly been through so much, yet the strength you have shown to support your children is truly admirable and I am sure they will always remember and value your support. Best of luck for the future

[scribbles1980]

Well done you
I am suffering from depression & I don't know how I would cope without my DH.
You are going through so much more & getting through it.
I think I would have gone to pieces.
Keep trying and I hope things get better for you

[HeadHeartAndSoul]

Thank-you. I really appreciate each of you that has read and taken the time to understand and empathise. Thank-you.

[GraysAnalogy]

I'm glad you managed to come back and read these I truly wish the best for you

[RustyPaperclip]

Best wishes to you and your children I hope these messages may have been a small comfort in a difficult time. We may all be anonymous here, but there is always someone to listen

[HeadHeartAndSoul]

Yes, they are a comfort. It would out another user name if I write what I am going through today but, suffice to say, I feel alone, I don't feel I am coping but, because of all the different people on my back, I don't feel there is anyone safe I can tell. I am rather shouty at the moment and I am sleeping very badly. Routine chores are, well, a chore and overwhelming. I could go on ...

[dangermouseisace]

OP you are doing extremely well . You can talk to the psych team about not coping they are 'safe' and my goodness they would expect you to be finding things hard. You probably don't need to be told that sometimes just talking to someone can help.

Re sleeping tablets- did the Dr give you one of the 'Z' drugs? E.g. zopiclone? Or did they give you things that properly knock you out? Which AD were they looking to change you to? Just that you sound like they suggested what I'm on…

[Foxyspook]

I suffer from bipolar and try to stay well away from mental health professionals when I am well. I think that however lovely they are - and some are very lovely - there is a kind of implied judgement.

I think you have done brilliantly. Try to take any help offered and one day, hopefully very soon, you can get by on your one again. You are great.

[HeadHeartAndSoul]

I am afraid I find the Psych Team patronising and I feel they didn't actually listen to me, eg. prescribing me sleeping tablets when I explained my children waking in the night so I wasn't going to be able to take them.

Not sure of the name of the new AD: think it began with a "T". Yes, it was Zopiclone.

[Foxyspook]

Zopiclone is a sleeping pill. I totally understand the patronising thing and the judgemental thing. It is horrible. And my advice would be to try not to take their comments or actions to heart...

But as someone who has been sectioned rather a lot of times and as someone who has met a great array of different mental health professionals over my long lifetime, I would understand that 'water off a duck's back' is impossible and not entirely desirable.

I hope things improve.

[HeadHeartAndSoul]

I do not know what the consequences will be if I tell them how bad I feel. I think my life is rubbish at the moment but, each time I think that, it gets worse.

[dangermouseisace]

I took zopliclone in hospital and they explained that it was a hypnotic rather than one of those knock you out tablets. They make you sleepy enough to go to sleep, but don't keep you asleep- the soporific effect has a fairly short life. You're meant to take them when you're ready to go to sleep and they act fairly quickly- 20 minutes or so. So, if your children needed you they would be able to wake you. They usually give you a low dose to start. I've taken zopiclone and been wide awake an hour later. I think if you're having trouble sleeping it just puts you a little bit closer to how 'normal' people are. I still woke up many many times a night, even without the kids.

The anti depressant I'm now on acts as a hypnotic as well and I've got young children. I've never had a problem waking up when they have needed me. But I must say that it is such a relief to actually get some sleep rather than bed being a place of torture from start to finish. It's hard enough being depressed, but with no sleep it's so much worse.

[dangermouseisace]

Consequences…it depends what you tell them. Generally their aim is to support you in the community. They only tend to get other people involved/send you to hospital if they have concrete reason to believe that you will either seriously hurt yourself or someone else. You can tell them you feel like that and even if you have plans and they would support you with that. If you told them "I am going to do (insert mortal threat here) to myself and/or someone else and I am going to do it in 2 hours time and there is no way I'm changing my mind" then they would be looking at other people/services being involved of course.

They hear all sorts of things all the time from people, many of whom will be parents. I don't know what it is that you are worried about, so I can only talk from my own experience of thinking things that I thought would land me in a whole heap of trouble. I remember the relief when I first admitted to suicidal thoughts/plans when I had PND and it was ok to admit to it…my kids weren't taken away, I wasn't locked up but I did get support.