the only answer?

[TeacupsandFigs]

First, can I just say that I have no intention of doing it.
But what do you do when you feel that the only way you will stop feeling so awful is when you die?
I don't have any IRL support, the Samaritans don't help as I don't know what to say to them.

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

You need to let someone in RL know this is how you feel. Family, a friend, your GP, just anyone.

Someone very close to me ended their life a few years ago... I had no idea she felt like that and to this day it breaks my heart that she never once said. I feel like if she'd reached out she'd still be here.

I know in the midst of deep depression life can seem empty and hopeless and going on just seems to hard, but with the right help you can get to a better place emotionally.

Please talk to someone, if you don't know how to say it write it down and read it out to them/email/text - whatever you need to so that someone hears your cry for help.

I normally don't post on MH as its touches a nerve but couldn't read and run on this one. Remember that to someone in this world, you are their whole world, and you matter.

Please get RL support

[TheoriginalLEM]

What sort of support are you getting? are you on medication? Why do you feel like this? lots of questions sorry but would like to help

[TeacupsandFigs]

I'm on anti-depressants. My GP knows how I feel but I don't have any family, I'm estranged from them.
I'll get through it and I won't do it but I feel fucking awful tonight.

[scribbles1980]

Do you have any friends that you could talk to?
How old are you op ? (If you don't mind me asking

[TeacupsandFigs]

No, there are no friends I can talk to. It's just me, I lost contact with my friends when I was still married and haven't been in touch with them for nearly ten years.
I'm 51.

[TeacupsandFigs]

Fuck it. I shouldn't be posting this on MN. I'll sort it, phone the Samaritans. Thanks for replying.

[TheoriginalLEM]

of course you can post here, if it helps. How long have you been on the Ads? what ones are they?

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

Post as much as you need to OP. Anything you want - better out than in.

Has anything changed that's brought these feelings on (meds or life circumstances) or have you felt this way for a while?

[SilenceIsSoLoud]

Keep posting if it helps I have my own thread going because I have no one in RL to talk to

[scribbles1980]

Nobody that you can talk to at all?
Maybe a friend from your past. I know how desperate you must be feeling.
Please go back to your gp. Maybe your meds are wrong.
Do you work?

[nodifyoucanhearme]

OP, sorry things feel so bad. I'm not really full of wisdom on how to make life better. But I thought I'd say that I hang on to the fact that life changes all the time. 5 years ago I wasnt in quite the same place to now, 10 years ago, things were even more different. So I tell myself that life is likely to change again and then the bad feelings might pass.
It doesn't make much of a dent in the bad feelings tbh. But it's something. Its not a guarantee but a reasonable chance that the shit will pass.