My ds wants my permission to end his life

[kaylasmum]

My ds is 29 and has had problems all of his life. From the age of around 2 he has had behavioural issues. All through school there was major problems resulting in him being excluded on numerous occasions. he was seen by a child psychologist from about 3 with there being no diagnosis made. I tried all kinds of things, exclusion diets, punishing bad behaviour, rewarding the good etc, to no avail.

When he was 16 he cut his wrists and took an overdose and told me he was gay. This has never been an issue for me, I love him unconditionally. From then there has been on/off self harm, overdoses, codeine addiction, erratic behaviour. He was sent to prison last year for three months for sending threatening msgs to his psychiatrist. He should have been sectioned, he was going through a psychotic- like episode at the time. He was beaten up in prison and ridiculed for being gay.

Since he was released he has had good and bad days, more bad ones unfortunately. He has just split from his boyfriend and is struggling massively. Early this morning I received a text from him asking me to give him permission to end his life. He said the only reason he has'nt done it is because of me. He is an attention seeker and often puts concerning things on facebook. He has blocked me from seeing any of it but I quite often get msgs from people telling me they are worried about what he's been posting.

I text him and told him that I can't give him permission and that I love him dearly. He won't speak to me, says he wants to be left alone. I have four other kids. My 31yo dd has bpd, my 24 yo has ocd and anxiety and my 12 yo has anxiety. My 9 yo ds thankfully seems to be untouched by mh issues.

I forgot to mention that my ds was diagnosed with bpd a one years ago but was given another diagnosis not long after his release from prison. I can't remember what exactly it is but something like emotionally unstable personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies. I am at my wits end and truly don't know what to do. I blame myself as I have health anxiety and on/off depression.

[kaylasmum]

Forgot to mention that I'm sure that he had adhd as a child but never diagnosed. My dgs has adhd and my ds's father has adhd on his side of the family.

[guineapig1]

Does he have a cmhp or crisis team/social worker that you can speak with in confidence?

[Blue2014]

Bpd is the same as emotionally unstable - it's just a different name. Psychosis is often part of that too.

With the right therapy things can be so much better for him. There is a lot of hope for bpd recovery now if he can access it. Poor boy, I hope he and you will be ok

[Kelsoooo]

Is he taking any medication?

Even with the change of diagnosis it's still likely he does have BPD - thats kind of the thing its "borderline" of a few personality disorders.

This must be an extremely hard time for you.

Are you receiving support? How is your own MH? Because this must be taking a toll on you.

Have you considered retreating from him a bit. I know this is the last thing you want to do, but you have 3 others DC's to focus on, and I'm sure this situation isn't helping anyone.

Does your DS take his medication? Is he on any medication?

Please don't blame yourself. This isn't something you have caused. Are you on any medication? Seeing a therapist?

[guineapig1]

Sorry posted too soon...absolutely don't blame yourself though, it really isn't your fault. I would concentrate on obtaining the best support services suited to him and encouraging him to engage with that professional support.

[kaylasmum]

Thanks for the replies, my ds has been on a lot of different medication over the years. I'm not too sure what he's on at the moment. His gp has prescribed him diazepam short term just now to help to calm him down. He has been massively let down by the system imho!

my mental health is kinda teetering on the edge just now but I have to stay strong for my kids. I forgot to mention that my ds also has fibromyalgia and this has a huge impact on his mental health.for just now he is fairly calm but he is so unpredictable I never know what is going to happen.