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Still feeling the impact of PND after 13 years ?

(4 Posts)
vxa2 Wed 23-Mar-16 08:26:36

I had PND when my daughter was born. It was not diagnosed for over a year by which time I was very poorly and spent 6 weeks in hospital without her - my choice. I didn't feel anything for her until she was about 5 which sounds terrible. She was well looked after though.

She is now 14 and I had said she could have her nails done for Easter.

Unfortunately everywhere is booked up and I haven't managed to find anywhere.

It's very depressing that I have a daughter who is pissed off with me because I haven't managed to get her an appt to have her nails done when all those people have died in Brussels. I am slogging my guts out to do everything ready to go away on Friday and that's all she's worried about. She has a way of making me feel so guilty. I have spent ages trying to get an appointment when I should have been working.

She is still sulking. Someone please tell me to pull myself together and not to try and get an appt where we are going on holiday. She makes me so guilty. DH who is fully supportive says it prob goes back to the PND when I didn't love her.

I have been having problems with severe anxiety over the past year when I had a bit of a breakdown and I feel awful today.

Marchate Wed 23-Mar-16 08:59:54

Is there anyone you can speak to about this? GP? Counsellor?

Whatever you do, don't get annoyed with your daughter. Truly, she means no harm. A 14 year old has a completely different perspective

Your husband, in my amateur opinion, is incorrect. It's not about 14-9 years ago. It's about now. Your anxiety and breakdown this past year will probably be the main contributor

Teenagers think they are right about everything. They can't help it. The world still centres round them. There's no point in being upset about something you can't change. Maybe tell her where you have tried already and ask her for suggestions? Or she could look for a place that will do her nails while you're away? She'll find something on Facebook or whatever

Back to the (PN)D. Were you ever depressed when you were younger? Was the first incidence the PND? Do you think different crises (large and not so large) trigger your anxiety?

My suggestion is you worry only about things you can change. And avoid arguments with your daughter. Tell her you love her. Tell her you're anxious (no need to say why - blame the holiday) and you would so appreciate her help. Don't pose it as a demand, or even a request. Simply tell her how much you would love some help with organising a few things, including the nail appointment. Above all, never tell her you didn't love her as a baby. She'll be on the stately homes thread in 10 years!! We can't have that!

You will have to find help for your mental health soon. Now matters, so don't worry about what happened 10+ years ago

Take care

vxa2 Wed 23-Mar-16 09:32:43

Thank you. I am already seeing a counsellor and over the past year have been on lots of different drugs and now trying Sertraline. My GP is supportive so I am lucky. I really shouldn't be making such a fuss when other people have so much more to worry about and little or no support.

I have had several incidents of anxiety and depression since my late twenties - I am now 44. The trigger this time was the death of my MIL in 2014 after I had been caring for her and starting a new job which it's really demanding.

I explained to my daughter how hard I had tried and was in tears but it didn't seem to get the message through. She would quite happily go anywhere to get her nails done but she wants extensions and I want them done properly and not just any old place. I'm not a snob but I want it to be clean and safe.

I am reluctant to get her an appointment when we are away because she will have got what she wants by sulking. Oh I just don't know.

notagiraffe Wed 23-Mar-16 09:40:10

Ah OP, go easy on yourself, and on her. Just as you can't control the chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you anxious and disproportionately guilty, she can't control the raging teenage hormones that make her blow stuff out of proportion either. Ask her to search online for somewhere nearby that has a space. Or offer to find somewhere while you are away. That's not her getting what she wants by sulking, that's you keeping your promise and finding a solution to the problem.

Meanwhile, be nice to yourself and her. Try not to judge either of you too harshly. Good luck with the sertraline.

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