what to expect - can you chat with me about experiences please?

[thinkingofayear]

I have been suffering with anxiety/ depression for around 8 years, I first saw my doctor about it after a particularly bad patch about 2 years ago. He put me on citalopram and refered me to counselling. Tbh the counselling turned out to be a woman giving me a leaflet and then reading it to me. It was all about panic attacks which I rarely suffer from now. I had another baby 5 months ago The citalopram helped at first but during the pregnancy it gradually got worse and afterwards I felt really bad again.

About 4 weeks ago I saw my gp again who changed me from citalopram to sertraline. I have been taking it but tbh I feel even worse now.

I have been through really bad periods in the past ( not able to do anything believing things which are totally irrational etc) and I can feel that things are slipping that way again.

A health visitor called saying she wanted to come and see me so they are supposed to be sending an appointment out but I'm not sure what is really going to happen now.

Will the sertraline start working or is it just not working ?

I am really bad at talking to people I tend to gloss over things my gp seems to expect me to walk in and get upset or talk to him about things but I can't I just don't know how! But the health visitor is apparently coming to talk about how I'm feeling which has got me in a panic already - I will sit there unable to speak like I always do.

Can anyone chat to me about what to expect if things get worse or is there anything more that the gp / hv can do - I am not really used to asking for help I have mainly just dealt with it alone but I am getting desperate after all these years.

Thanks

[Graceymac]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.
As I am sure you know during pregnancy and the months after you are particularly vulnerable to relapse given your history.
I am a mental health nurse but I don't work in the UK so I cannot advise on what the HV will do but I would imagine she will carry out an assessment for post natal depression and look at what level of support you might need.
With regard to the sertraline it should have taken some effect after 4 weeks, it may need to be increased, to be supplemented with something else or changed.
Have you ever been referred to the mental health services? If not I think your GP should refer you. You would be placed under the care of a psychiatrist and may be allocated a community psychiatric nurse to offer you support and visit you at home. These professionals are very skilled at asking the right questions to determine how you really are and can offer psychological interventions such as talking therapies as well as monitoring your medication. It certainly sounds appropriate at the moment.

[thinkingofayear]

Thanks . I was refered to the counsellor but never anything else. I have found it hard to describe things to the gp which hasn't really helped and I am afraid to go into too much detail about how bad things have been in the past as I have 6 children and I don't want people to feel I am struggling to look after them.

I don't really struggle with the basic childcare . The only issue is that I don't really want to spend time with my youngest she doesn't seem to feel like my own child even.

[Graceymac]

It does sound like you need specialist treatment. You have taken an important first step and asked for help, it sounds like that was very difficult for you to do.
It is very positive that you recognise that you are not well. Depression and post natal depression are treatable and you will recover and come through this with the right support.
I can understand that you are worried about opening up too much for fear that your GP and HV will think you can't cope with the children. It is only in exceptional circumstances that it would be thought that the children's best place would not be with their mother. The role of the mental health and social services is to support families not to separate them.
Do you have anyone at home you can open up to and ask for help to give you a break and a bit of time to yourself?

[thinkingofayear]

My dh is at home with me and I have told him that I feel down. To be honest this has been going on so long it's just become normal. I also don't like to go on too much about because I grew up with a seriously depressed mother and I really don't want my home to be like that. I hold it together in the day and collapse at 7:30 when the kids are in bed.

I can have time alone from the older children but everyone expects me to want to keep the baby with me ( with the others I breastfed to toddlerhood, wore them in a sling ,co-slept etc) I don't with my new baby. I had to stop breastfeeding at 6 weeks as I was hospitalized with pneumonia and I was just too ill.

[Graceymac]

The last few months sound like they have been really tough for you. The pneumonia alone would take time to recover from and will impact your mood. On top of that you are coping with a new baby and 5 other children. You sound amazing to me, I seriously struggle with three.

[thinkingofayear]

Thanks :) . I have been in hospital twice more since then once with tonsilitis and sepsis and then with flu and again sepsis! My baby has been in twice with chest infections.

It's not been a great year so far

[Graceymac]

OMG, it's no wonder you feel the way that you do. It sounds like your bonding with the baby has been really disrupted too, how would it not have been. Be kind to yourself, you deserve a break after all you and the baby have been through.