Husband diagnosed with Depression - advice needed.

[Tw1nkle]

Hi - sorry, this is going to be a long post, but I have so many questions.

DH hasn't been himself for a while - I didn't really think too much of it....he's busy at work, at risk of redundancy and we have a 9 month old baby too - so there's a lot going on.

Last week he told me we either needed marriage counselling, or he was depressed! This was a bit of a shock to me!

He has been to the doctors today and they have prescribed fluoxetine. (Prozac I understand).

I'm a bit nervous about him going on them - I have no idea what has triggered his depression - so what will it take for him to get off the fluoxetine? How will he know when he is ready?

Also - I hadn't given his behaviour much thought, but obviously now I am. He makes me feel like I'm 'useless' sometimes - and double checks the things I do. I'll polish and vacuum and he'll get home from work and do it again - is this typical behaviour of being depressed?

I'm really feeling out my depth! I have no idea if his behaviour is to do with being depressed or not!

I'd really like his parents to know - but he doesn't want to tell them.

Any advice, about any of the above would be appreciated!

[Lilybensmum1]

Hi OP I don't think there is typical behaviour for depression it's individual but, yes it could be that his behaviour towards you is linked to his depression.

From a personal point of view I would combine anti d's with some form of counselling because you are not treating the cause of the depression. I am currently combining CBT with my anti d's and I feel a lot more positive now than When I was just on medication. The other thing of note is that the drugs can take at least 2 weeks to work and can actually make symptoms worse initially.

It's great that you are asking these questions as it sounds like you really want to support your DH.

Hopefully once the drugs have started to take effect you can speak to your husband, maybe he also is confused as to why he feels like this, I was too until I started CBT and I was in a really dark place.

I wish you well it is possible to get through this but it helps to be together.

Depression is really hard on the partner too I feel guilty for what I put my DH through but at least your DH is getting getting some help.

[Marchate]

No, it's 'normal behaviour' for being controlling. Which doesn't mean he is not depressed. Only that the two are not linked

I would have thought it odd that he considered marriage counselling as an alternative. Is your relationship generally good? Did it recently change? Has he been depressed in the past, and it has recurred?

[ProfessorPreciseaBug]

I am speculating here but....

Nine month old baby, life totally turned upside down with new arrival, lack of sleep .. responsibility to provide for partner and child... then redundancy threat... The man is feeling stressed. He is no longer in control of his life so he turns to controlling something he can put his hand on... you.

Stress is of course a wonderful way to induce depression. There may be more underlying problems. And of course, most men don't talk like women do. If he is uncomfortable with his situation, it may help for him to understand you are in it together..

[sillyrama]

Hello,

My husband has been through this too. He is currently having a bit of a relapse after his initial diagnosis about 2 years ago.

He had CBT the first time and is going to start again, he found this helpful the first time at the same time as anti-depressants. You are right it's important to try and get to the root cause or more likely causes of his depression.

It's hard work doing the right thing for someone who is depressed just try and be there for him and remind him how great he is as he won't think so right now.

It would be good to tell his parents, my husband didn't want to but it was one of the first steps his therapist suggested.

Hope that's of some help x

[FlyRussianUnicorn]

Hi OP.

I've suffered from depression. It's shit- not just for the sufferer, but everyone around them too

I was on Prozac. Didn't agree with me, and I changed after six months. Make sure he eats before taking it- if I didn't and took my medication I felt awful and like I was going to throw it up again. Even if he just has a slice of toast or a banana so theres something in his stomach. He has to give it time to work but after a couple of months and if he feels it isn't helping- then the GP will likely up his dose or try him on a different medication. They upped mine (I think it was from 10mg to 20mg- i'm thinking back six years here!) and when I still felt it didn't work they put me on Sertraline which worked a lot better for me. I was on that for just under 18 months and went from I believe 20mg to 40mg. I will try and find my old medication boxes and update if i'm mistaken.

CBT is great. But if its anything like what it was when I had it- the NHS waiting list is massive, and I believe they only offer you a limited number of appointments. Could you manage to go privately? This website will help you find one in your local area: www.cbtregisteruk.com/Default.aspx

When I was first diagnosed I went to psychotherapy and was on anti depressants. I went to THREE different counsellors and then realise it wasn't the people, but the method of therapy that wasn't working for me. The same can happen with medication- some work great for others, while others don't get on with it at all. My first round of psychotherapy was on the NHS (waited 3 weeks I think) and other two I went privately.

It's early days and i'm sure your feeling very overwhelmed at the moment- but I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't the train coming to run you over

Hand holding for you and your DP.