Anxiety about friendships and negative thinking

[Used2bthin]

I've been off prozac a year now and I'm wondering if it was a mistake as I think my ways of thinking are slipping back. Four times in the last moth or so I've become convinced that people aren't talking to me or I've offended them when it's turned out to be not about me at all ! Then it is like when one worry stops (eg friend gets back to me with a text or whatever ) its like my brain then starts scratching around for the next thing to obsess and torture myself over.
I have a lot of quite serious stress(child with disability and serious health problems ) in my life and so I can't understand why I would stress like this over relatively minor stuff but it really does cause me anxiety, particularly in the evenings and I'm not sleeping well.
Should I get tablets again or something else ? Beta blockers for anxiety maybe? I was so much better on prozac but gained a shed load of weight which made me depressed !

[RockUnit]

Have you seen the GP recently? Have you had any talking therapy such as CBT, or tried a different SSRI (they all have different side effects)?

[Used2bthin]

I've been meaning to see the GP for months. So many issues with dd that it's hard to find time but I know I really need to as im getting worse I think (waiting for a phone call today from hospital about something and just realised I am shaking )
I was on citalopram first but found I had really bad focus and memory issues so switched to prozac and just coped with the side effects then came off it after 16 months when I felt ok. Been made redundant and had many problems since though .

[Used2bthin]

I tried talking space cbt but didn't find it that helpful and it coincided with starting on anti depressants so I feel that was behind aby change in thinking really . Perhaps it wasn't the right time to do it though .

[RockUnit]

Sorry to hear of your redundancy and other problems. Does your GP do phone appointments? Then it would save you having to go to the surgery. It does sound like you could benefit from seeing someone soon.

[Owllady]

Is your daughter young? I don't know if my post will be helpful to you or not, but I have a daughter who is severely disabled too and I found it very hard when she was little. Do you know any other parents with similar children? Attend any support groups?
I think carers UK has helpline number too now, if you need to talk urgently (which you might need to sometimes)

I think sometimes focussing on minor stuff is a diversion from all the major stuff you are just getting on with

[Used2bthin]

Thank you I think I will call today after the hospital calls. I really really don't want to go back onto ads even short term but I am scared of getting properly unwell. It's a good idea to ask for a phone appointment as I can't fave the thought of being upset in front of them. Also having ongoing hormone issues I think so maybe I can discuss that too.
Thanks owlady. She's not little but it's interesting as I feel like I did when she was a baby and it was all new. Having some really challenging times with her lately so I think I'm sinking a bit. Constant paranoia about professionals thinking I am ott /difficult etc that I thought I was way past caring about!
You may be right there about the distraction thing... at night I start with stress over minor stuff and often progress into worrying about her dying etc. That's when I get am evening anyway! Didn't know that about carers uk Thank you and I hope your daughter is doing well.

[Owllady]

I've found different times challenging too. I don't know the nature of your daughters disability but mine (shes 16) was dx with a development delay when she v little and we've had extra diagnoses added on as time has gone on. So we'd deal with one thing and then she'd develop another! We also don't have a reason or dx of sorts either, just a collection of stuff (cp, sld, asd, epilepsy) Then dealing with all that intrusion into your life is hard too. I don't think people realise how intrusive it is. We have a collection of medical professionals, social worker, teachers, carers etc etc and even though some of them (all of them?) Are there to help, it's overwhelming and I think it's quite natural and normal to want to close the door and say I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE for one day! :o I don't think people realise how much your privacy is invaded, how your family life feels like public property.

I had some counselling and psychotherapy which really helped :)

[Used2bthin]

That's really helpful to Hear as my daughter is 9 so you are further on. Hard I agree and we seem to acquire diagnoses as we go along. Her condition is genetic but she has Autism and other stuff going on as well. Life is incredibly hard and one thing that upsets me is I feel I end up the receiver of support rather than the giver (to friends I mean ) and I wonder if they are sick of me now.
Yes it's so hard the privacy thing isn't it I totally agree. And just the lack of control over your own life. We are waiting to hear if we are going into hospital today. So hard just not to know as there is never any certainty. My relationship is rubbish too - just so much stress!
Thank you for listening !

[Owllady]

What are you going into hospital for? I hope it all goes well
If your friends are sick of you, they aren't real friends but I'll hazard a guess that they aren't, they are just busy. It's that time of year where most people care still in hibernation mode as its not quite spring.

Yes, going to appointments and finding out 'something else' is really hard to take. We went to an appointment last year for an mri and were randomly told our dd had cp and no one had told us before (we had suspected from birth but to be told at 15 was still a shock). My dd was very challenging at 9, I think alot of it is hormone related :)

I was a nervous wreck last year, so you aren't alone. I got some counselling through the well being service and she was very good. She was a just fucking do it, type counsellor :o which I think I needed.

I hope it all goes well today

[Used2bthin]

Wow finding put at 15 must have been a big shock ! I spent the first few years when I realised dd was very delayed desperate for a cause but I think over time that changes so I can only imagine suddenly having that would feel very strange. I remember being outraged when dds mri was "normal " and saying how is that possible when she has all the issues she has but now I know how complex it all is it seems almost funny looking back.
Yes hormones are a big part of things and she's on steroids and various deficiencies so we were going in for 48 hours of blood testing but been waiting for a bed since Sunday ...it's no wonder I'm going a bit downhill .
I think I need that sort of counsellor !was that through carer type services? I had a bad experience in couples counselling do been nervous of them since .
Thank you . Been for a commiserations lunch with a friend and had a bit of a laugh about some of the paranoia (she's a fellow sufferer ) now I'm alone it's all started up again though I definitely need help with it.

[Owllady]

My daughter's brain scan was normal too! The counsellor was through the GP, she's one that specifically counsels carers though (she used to be a SW) I did a mindfulness course through them that helped too.

I hope they get a bed soon, no wonder you feel anxious. Look after yourself x

[Used2bthin]

Thank you .
That sounds great with the counsellor and it makes a difference veins specific to carers-domt think there's that in this area.
Oh wow that's even more of a shock with the mri then! I've often wondered about CP for my daughter too and thought the mri would have ruled it out .
Thanks fingers crossed .

[Owllady]

Well I think it does to begin with, they've said it's diagnosed now at her age through symptoms
I had a dreadful birth with her though, I do wonder if it would show up anything now iykwim

[Used2bthin]

Yes it is interesting as I have always wondered if dds birth caused some of her issues but have never actually asked directly despite lots of genetic tests etc I don't know that it's ever been looked into.
That's one for another day I guess for me but still food for thought.
Awful awful day with still no beds and I've felt sick with anxiety and dreading starting the whole process again (heard around 11.30 that they couldn't admit her today either so at least could leave the house for a bit then ) and I Def feel my obsession over he friendships thing worsens when we are going hoigh big medical issues so I think it probably is a diversion thing.

[sadie9]

Regarding the friendships thing, I think when we are really struggling, our need for support and reassurance goes up by 100%. Then we look around at our friends, who normally provide us with support and companionship, and they can appear to be unavailable or disinterested. When in fact they are just acting the way they always act. It is just our need for social connection and support that has increased due to our circumstances. It is a kind of 'reaching' or 'searching' kind of feeling I find. And because we are feeling the need for extra support that isn't there, our mind draws a conclusion about that which is related to a fear of isolation, separation and abandonment by those we care about. Our minds wouldn't normally be so quick to jump to these conclusions if we weren't stressed.
And I usually find I am trying to manage everything alone in the absence of emotional or social support, or specialist support from people with similar issues. It is hardest to ask for help when you most need to ask for help I find. And sometimes it is very hard to talk to even close friends about our inner feelings. We can talk about 'the facts' till the cows come up and put on a great show of coping.
If any of your friends really, really knew how you were feeling inside in those moments of despair, they wouldn't turn their backs...they would be full of compassion for you, just like you would be if it were them, and they would say oh I am so sorry that you are feeling like this, I had no idea you felt this bad, what can I do to help?

[Used2bthin]

Thanks Sadie I am sure you are right. I feel I've been needy with some friends then worry they will get bored as it's constant stuff going on. Or feel that they can't discuss their own stuff or something.
I do imagine things though I think and search back for anything I may have said that could have caused offense or something passed on from another friend out of context I don't know!
I think though as you said that if I was secure in my own life and self I just wouldn't think about it all so much.
Evenings I am a paranoid mess - anyone any experience of depression/anxiety at certain times of day? When dd1 was a baby I started feeling terror as soon as it got dark (4pm ish then) and it's something that's kind of stuck other than when I was on anti depressants. But in the day I don't feel I need anything so it's hard to ask for help.

[sadie9]

When my kids were babies I always got low moods as day turned to evenings too, it's funny. I have an interest in psychology and science of behaviour. If I was to pin it to something from evolution, I would say that because we are mothers, we are in high protective mode. When darkness falls or evening is approaching our mind perceives there might be more 'danger' to our children, so our instinct to protect them and ourselves racks up a notch. Back on the plains when we were cave people, there would have been wild animals to fend off, so many things that happen in our minds and body still relate to our animal backgrounds. We are very sophisticated creatures on one hand, then really all just animals on the other! It's only because you care so much about the people that are important to you. Doesn't help how you feel now, but at least you know there is a good reason for how you feel.
You are a mother of a child who is compromised by illness and disability, that is an extraordinarily difficult situation for anyone to be in, and places a considerable extra burden on your mind and body.
You are also, at the present time, at the mercy of events in the future that cannot be controlled, and this is very frightening for anyone whose instinct is to protect their child.
I would figure that a counsellor would help you get through this difficult time. I have found it very helpful in the past. If you feel the counsellor doesn't 'get' you then try another one. It is just having that hour just for yourself, when you can kind of empty your tank of woes for the week, and get some reassurance that you are doing ok.

[Used2bthin]

Thank you Sadie and how interesting. I had put it down to my then obsession with SIDS or something bad in the night but it continued beyond the actual fear if that makes sense and is a generalised panic feeling now and so I think your theory makes sense.
Yes I think counselling or similar could be the only alternative to meds really as I need to be able to control it somehow. I will ask the carers centre I think if there is anyone locally.i know some charities have them but not sure if we are eligible .