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Finally taken seriously

(68 Posts)
PennyPebbles Fri 04-Mar-16 14:37:03

I saw a psychiatrist for an hour yesterday. Only ever seen one for 10 mins through the Crisis team before.

He was bloody fantastic. Told me that I will get better and that he can do lots to help me. Called my employer there and then and suggested some ways they can support me. Got me a CPN I'm going to see every two weeks. Couldn't believe that my GPs have been tinkering with meds and just referring to crisis for seven years, without getting me into the system properly. Told me that with the family history of MH issues I was always going to be high risk. That I'm suffering with a really severe and ongoing episode of depression and anxiety.

I left the appointment feeling relived that someone has finally realised that just because I can get up and go to work doesn't mean that I'm not really depressed. But now I feel totally flat and a bit scared. I met the CPN afterwards and she did another assessment and said that I was the patient who had most worried her recently. That I seem to almost have too much insight to myself, like I've detached from myself. She thinks I'm really quite ill. I thought I was presenting quite well, I was trying so hard to appear 'normal'.

I don't really know why I've posted. I should be happy to be moving forward, to have some treatment options, to feel like someone understood. Actually I just feel terrified and so down today.

Marchate Fri 04-Mar-16 15:05:13

You have at last begun the road to better health. It should have happened sooner, but no good ever comes from 'if only'

I know what you mean, looking like you are coping. I have a young relative with severe mental health problems, spent over a month in the psychiatric unit recently, but no-one can believe she has anything wrong. I think, like you, she has too much insight

I hope things continue to go well

PennyPebbles Fri 04-Mar-16 15:50:05

I've gone from my 20s to my mid-30s thinking that the only way out was to die. I'm scared to hope in case my GP was right, and I can't get better.

I don't feel particularly ill at the moment. I've been much worse. Apparently my perception is skewed. It's so strange.

Broken1Girl Sat 05-Mar-16 00:07:55

Having too much insight, and being intelligent and articulate, can be a real barrier to getting help. Those things, of course, must mean we're not ill.
Glad you (finally) got some help Penny.

PennyPebbles Sat 05-Mar-16 11:40:36

Just feel odd about it all. I don't think I really deserve any help. I'm supposed to be like this. Don't know what to do or say.

AnxiousMunchkin Sat 05-Mar-16 12:23:33

Take your time- you don't have to do or say anything right now.

PennyPebbles Sat 05-Mar-16 15:09:38

I don't feel like I want to go back again. For about 30 minutes I felt really up about it, that I was going to get help to get better. Now I've really sunk and I don't know why.

PennyPebbles Sun 06-Mar-16 14:25:22

Feeling so low today. Don't want to be anymore.

whitehandledkitchenknife Sun 06-Mar-16 14:50:59

Hello PP - it will be ok. And not just because someone has said so. The relief at finally being heard and understood can cause a bit of a 'high' and then the 'what ifs' kick in. Allow yourself to ride these feelings. Know that someone has taken control for you and that you are no longer struggling alone. It sounds as if you have had to look after yourself with little support for so long that the idea that someone else could do that looking after is a strange one.
I'm so glad that you are at last getting the help you deserve.

Goingtobeawesome Sun 06-Mar-16 14:53:31

Do you feel scared about being well, the unknown?

PennyPebbles Sun 06-Mar-16 17:50:52

I don't know why I feel so down. It was odd, there was loads of activity for about two hours 'you must see the consultant now', 'I need to speak to your work now' and then I got given a print out on depression and told to come back in two weeks. So I sort of think I should feel better but I don't. I feel broken.

Goingtobeawesome Sun 06-Mar-16 17:53:34

I understand.

PennyPebbles Sun 06-Mar-16 18:26:34

Thank you.

PennyPebbles Mon 07-Mar-16 16:30:50

Just went to pick up prescription request psychiatrist said he'd fax through to GP and it's not there.

And the shit hit the fan at work today because of the phone call.

I cause so much trouble. I need to end.

willowcatkin111 Mon 07-Mar-16 16:40:26

Focus on how you felt when you were finally being taken seriously, that is what counts. You are going to have ups and downs but the downs will get less and shorter.
Awesome - that is very perceptive, I can totally relate the the 'fear' of being well. When at my worst I let others take over and care for me and switching that reliance back to looking after myself is scary. It is a case of taking it slowly and being happy at every stage to move on.
Penny what happened at work? Hopefully they are putting things in place but again it can be very scary for work (for so long the 'safe' place) to know what is happening.

PennyPebbles Mon 07-Mar-16 16:51:40

I got in trouble for the psychiatrist ringing. I should deal with medical issues outside of work, shouldn't have given him the school number to ring.

I'm so anxious right now and no meds because I don't deserve them. Receptionist told everyone in earshot that my psychiatrist hadn't faxed them and suggested i was confused. Left in tears.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 07-Mar-16 17:06:21

Ignore the staffer at school but do complain about her being unkind and unprofessional. Ask her how she'd feel if you told everyone she had had a one night stand/got drunk/something none shameful but private.

Have you managed to sort your prescription now?

PennyPebbles Mon 07-Mar-16 17:09:19

No prescription. No anxiety meds and really shaking. It was the GP receptionist who was indiscreet. At work it was the HR person who told me off.

unweavedrainbow Mon 07-Mar-16 17:23:07

It sometimes takes forever for psych to fax things through. My CMHT usually says to wait 3ish days. Did he know that you had no meds at all? He could have written you a script to cash during the appointment. Can you get an emergency GP appointment? If you know what you've been prescribed then the GP should be able to prescribe you some just to tide you through till the fax gets there. Hugs about your work. That sucks. You do deserve help though flowers

Goingtobeawesome Mon 07-Mar-16 17:28:32

I'd still complain about the GP receptionist. She should know not to talk about patients to anyone else.

PennyPebbles Mon 07-Mar-16 17:38:04

Psychiatrist didn't have his prescription pad, so said he'd fax then to pick up Friday. I couldn't get there on Friday because of the snow.

I can't go back to work after today. I can't exist anymore. I'm sorry.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 07-Mar-16 19:20:42

You can go back to work as you've done nothing wrong and you have to exist. You're important.

willowcatkin111 Mon 07-Mar-16 20:17:41

Can you talk to your cpn tomorrow - she might be able to sort out the meds with the gp and help you through the current issues.

PennyPebbles Mon 07-Mar-16 21:40:34

I'm not meant to see her for another 2 weeks.

I must be such a terrible person. I just don't want to try anymore.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 08-Mar-16 07:47:28

No you aren't and you must.

You are an ill person who hasn't got the right support you need yet.

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