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Ex has moved on already and I'm thinking of ending it all

(24 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Cantgoontoday Thu 03-Mar-16 20:38:53

I just found out today that my ex has a new girlfriend and it's serious, 6 weeks after we split. I know he liked her when we were together (towards the end) but I ended it with him as I hadn't been happy for a while. I have to see them every day as we all work together.

For some reason it's torn me apart. I can't move on and I'm devastated that he can be happy again with someone else so fast. She is so much better looking than me and a lot younger too (I'm in my mid twenties). I feel old, ugly and worthless.

I want to end things and I can't see a way forward. I don't think I'll get my life back ever. I'm so horrendous I don't see any point in carrying on.

RedMapleLeaf Thu 03-Mar-16 20:39:56

This really is the hardest part. You won't always feel quite this bad ever again, honest.

Cantgoontoday Thu 03-Mar-16 20:41:31

I suspected for ages but every time I find out their relationship is moving to a new level I sink so low again and I can't pick myself up.

Callico Thu 03-Mar-16 20:44:03

Please, please don't. I have no words of advice but I'm sure someone much wiser will be along shortly flowers

hootatoot Thu 03-Mar-16 20:45:35

You know you don't want him because you made the decision to end the relationship. Just try to remember the reasons that you made that decision. It's hard because he is moving on (rather quickly, granted) but like the pp said, it will get easier. You are young (mid 20s is young, I can remember being that age if I close my eyes and think really hard!) and if he has gone for someone who is a lot younger than you then she probably matches his level of maturity.

It will get easier, just try not to be hard on yourself. flowers for you.

CookieLady Thu 03-Mar-16 20:45:55

Please don't do anything drastic. I know it seems very shot right now but I promise you, you won't always feel like this.

Three years ago I was suicidal and like you couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel. It's taken a while, a couple of years to be honest, but I'm so glad I didn't commit suicide.
flowers

RedMapleLeaf Thu 03-Mar-16 20:46:24

Two things are going to happen. One thing is that eventually there won't be another disclosure to discover and the other thing is that you will just not be effected on the same level. You'll greet the news with a bit of a shrug. I don't think you can predict which will happen first.

It's very early days, but what are your coping strategies so far?

CookieLady Thu 03-Mar-16 20:46:32

*shit not shot.

derenstar Thu 03-Mar-16 20:47:42

Shit OP, that's a tough, I'm so sorry you're going through it. Most of us will have been where you are now and it's horrendous; I've personally been and felt exactly as you are now. Hang in there, please don't do anything rush. I can tell you you're every bit as worthy, good looking and deserving of happiness as anyone else but you have to believe that yourself and in time you will. Is there anyone in real life who can hold your hand, give you a shoulder to cry on you? I can absolutely guarantee that you won't feel this way forever so please be kind and gentle with yourself during this difficult time.

lcoc2015 Thu 03-Mar-16 20:47:54

Would you consider changing job / role / transferring if it is making you that depressed, i always found cutting off all contact, blocking on all social media etc helped me get over the person quicker.

Cantgoontoday Thu 03-Mar-16 20:48:43

I don't have any, I tried not to find anything out about them but as we work together I can't help but know when things are happening. Running helps a bit but I've been ill this week so I can't and I've also lost a lot of weight so I'm scared to do too much

LittleRedSparke Thu 03-Mar-16 20:48:51

this is the worst part, yesterday was harder and tomorrow will be a little easier, you will have bad days, and not so bad days

you have an ARMY of people here who will support you at all hours, and you will get through this

Scarftown Thu 03-Mar-16 20:49:48

This is the hard bit but it does get easier. Re working with them both. I suggest hold your head high channel breezy and dignity. Behind closed doors wobble and fall apart. Lean on your friends and remember how awesome you are.

I found writing a list of all the things great about yourself really helped to focus on me and how I would manage fine without him. Stick to the positive.

abbsismyhero Thu 03-Mar-16 20:52:08

i would totally change jobs if i could

that's so shit op im sorry flowers

FellOutOfBedTwice Thu 03-Mar-16 20:53:36

Ten years ago I broke up with a man who I thought was the love of my life. I honestly considered ending it all because I could not see a future for myself. I had been with him since I was a young teenager and I loved him with every single fibre of me. I couldn't imagine being with anybody else. When people said I would find someone else or get over it, I failed to see how that was even possible.

Ten years on I have a lovely husband who I love a million times more than I loved the man who I thought was the love of my life. And he's nice to me and right for me and we have a lovely life (things that were not true for me and my ex!) We have a beautiful daughter and another baby on the way. Thank God I didn't commit suicide over a man who wasn't worth my tears let alone my life.

You will be okay, I promise.

PacificDogwod Thu 03-Mar-16 20:53:45

Don't deprive yourself of options. If you end it all you take away the chance of feeling better again - it's the ultimate dead-end street. Please don't.

Trust your instincts that led to you ending the relationship: you ended it because you were unhappy.
You are now grieving for what you thought you had with him - I'd bet he had already made moves towards her before you split up. You showed good judgement and ought to be proud of that. He's the prick here.

You are understandably hurting, but give yourself the chance to feel better again. And you soon will. Honest. thanks

nicenewdusters Thu 03-Mar-16 20:54:18

6 weeks is a very short amount of time, don't be so hard on yourself. You are young and have so much ahead of you.

You took control and ended a relationship that wasn't making you happy. In my experience many men feel the need to jump straight into another relationship. This says a lot more about them than about you or what you had together before. How do you know he's really happy ? You were the one that ended it, he may just be putting on a brave face and seeing this girl to avoid being single ?

I can see it's really hard as you all work together. Let yourself be sad, grieve the end of your relationship, but remember this will pass. You will move on. That doesn't necessarily mean meeting somebody any time soon, but accepting that this one didn't work out, and coming to terms with it.

Millliii Thu 03-Mar-16 20:57:10

Your so very young and you finished it with him because he wasn't right for you. What your feeling now is natural. He has moved on and you are comparing yourself to her and thinking you are not good looking etc. Its not necessarily true though, just your way of seeing things at the moment. A lot of the time we want what we cant have and you are forgetting what it is that made you end things. You have many many years of exploring relationships and one day you will meet someone who will be a better match for you. Thinking of doing yourself harm is a reaction to low self esteem. You will recover from this. Please get some books, go on Amazon and have a good look around, books on self esteem and loving yourself. Its most likely that this is about you and not him or her.

IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 03-Mar-16 20:58:26

Hello Cantgoontoday, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on jo@samaritans.org. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Cantgoontoday Thu 03-Mar-16 21:47:04

Thanks for all the replies. I am at home alone and I can't stop crying about it. I don't know what to do anymore as nothing helps.

Millliii Fri 04-Mar-16 01:39:24

Then do nothing. Take a nice hot bath, go to bed and read a funny light book or sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and you will feel better.

Broken1Girl Fri 04-Mar-16 01:56:55

Have some un-Mumsmetty hugs. flowers
I was where you are just before Christmas as I heard ex had met someone else.
Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Do something mindless until you feel tired.
Some professional help might be an idea. Please go to see your GP. If you feel unsafe until then, you can go to A&E any time.

Broken1Girl Fri 04-Mar-16 01:57:49

Oops just seen time. Hope you are asleep now.

Atenco Fri 04-Mar-16 05:11:39

OP, I am so sorry. You are going to have to change your job, first of all. And, as soon as you are well again, up your exercise routine (it really helps). As for suicide, I used to dream of it all through my teens and early twenties, but then things would pick up and I realised how great it was that I hadn't opted for suicide as I would have missed some wonderful moments. Life feels horrendous when things are bad, but bad things have to happen to make way for the good things to come.

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