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Anxiety about my partner, our relationship, anniversary! Any help please?

(3 Posts)
Jojorobrob Thu 03-Mar-16 10:08:54

Its taken a lot of courage for me to post this, as i'm so scared my worst fears will be confirmed, but I think now I just need to know.... i'm so scared but here goes:
When I first met my partner we were friends for a few months. In that time I was still with an ex partner, who I knew was no good for me but I didn't want to be on my own!! My current partner didn't know then whether he wanted a relationship or not, so we were just good friends. Any way a few months later I did finish with my ex partner and I was so happy at the time when my current partner did finally kiss me and our relationship started! (This was over 3 years ago by the way)
I suffer from anxiety, it has been fine for the last few months and I don't know what has made this thought rear its ugly head again now but I am so scared that I did cheat on my partner. I'm so scared than in those couple of months that I did know both of them that I cheated on my current partner? I know I did not sleep with 2 men at the same time but I just cannot get rid of this thought! My partner is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I think at worst I may have naively gone about things the wrong way back then?? But I am torturing myself with this thought! I've done my CBT but not much help as yet. I've tried accepting the thoughts and carrying on as normal (I even proposed to my partner on Monday which I had been planning to do for 12 months, he said yes by the way!)
I'm on a good whack of medication, have never missed a dose so i'm scared that this makes this situation real. If i'm on meds and have done CBT then surely this shows my fear is real, that it did actually happen?! I'm so scared. I hope someone somewhere can offer some words of advice, thank you so much in advance.
I'm sorry if this is a jumbled mess, I hope someone can make sense of it!

willowcatkin111 Thu 03-Mar-16 10:46:23

Sounds like you ended with your ex before getting into this current relationship so all sounds good. Guess it is the anxiety about the future, particularly as you got engaged - congratulations - which is messing with your head. CBT is OK but not a panacea and does not work for everything or everyone so try not to beat yourself up and focus on enjoying your new status and planning the wedding

sadie9 Thu 03-Mar-16 14:13:10

Here's the thing about thoughts and how they evolved. When we were a caveperson out on the plains, if we saw a dark shape on the horizon...our mind had to decide if it was a dangerous bear or a blueberry bush. If we decided it was a bear, our mind had to make us really really really believe that, in order to make us move away from the bear. If we really believe something is a danger to us, that will drive our next piece of behaviour.
So your mind (anyone's mind) is well able to make future events seem really real and believeable.
You have to ask yourself, 'when I notice this thought I notice I am having...What does that thought make me do next?.
And does that action or piece of behaviour bring me closer to what I want in life and closer to those people that are important to me, or does it bring me farther away?
The strength of the 'glue' that makes us believe anxious thoughts gets stronger as stronger the lower our mood goes, or the more our anxiety heightens. When we are not in a low mood or not anxious these thoughts are not as 'sticky' and we are freer to let those thoughts go. So our thoughts can have super glue when our mood is severely compromised, yet we are freer to dismiss such thoughts at other times.
So just because you really really believe a thing, doesn't make it a fact.

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