How do you cope with life's disappointments?

[WestYorkshireGirl]

Just lately I am behaving irrationally when things don't go to plan. They are little things which seem to become massive things and I get angry and do rash things like send confrontational emails which upset people and cause problems. I know some of this is about losing control and me having realistic expectations and I have just started seeing a counsellor, but I am interested to hear what others do when you are upset or angry - how do you stop dwelling on it and move on and how you stop yourself from being rash?

[Openmindedmonkey]

I take a moment to think & let myself calm down / got distracted. Experience has taught me that my first instinct is often complete nonsense (& frequently offensive nonsense at that).
Meditation is good, as is prayer or other soulful forms of distraction.
Perhaps we should think of the impact that our words or deeds can have before we enact them.
Of course, perhaps our audience could calm down a bit too!

[Openmindedmonkey]

Sorry , I forgot plan B: it's sh*t. so I eat cake.

[WestYorkshireGirl]

Thanks for that. I can't seem to take that time to stop and think or eat cake which is the problem! Will have to keep working on it!

[FATEdestiny]

Re: email writing

I utilise writing (often in the form of an email) as a means to process a situation when angry or upset. But, write the email in Word, not in an email messaging program.

Sometimes I plan to send the email and end up not sending it.
Sometimes I plan to send it and do send the finished-product.
Sometimes I don't plan to send it but decide to send the finished-product.
Sometimes the whole point of writing is just to order my thoughts and never with any intention to send.

The benefits, I find, is in the editing.

I will go and pour my heart out with a bitchy, ranty, bitter, angry email. I write it in Word because (a) I know I will need to edit before sending, to get it spot on, and (b) So that I don't send in anger. I then save this document.

Then I start the editing, and that is the therapeutic bit.

Depending on my emotional investment in writing the original, I might take a break before I come back to the email. It might be the following day. But I know I will come back to it, that the process of writing has not yet finished.

So I go back to it and re-read. I might delete entire paragraphs and replace with a single sentence. I aim to get the email as succinct as possible - no more than 2 sides of A4 printed out. I might change whole parts of the email, or I might vale and keep in other chunks.

I also like ordering. So figuring out which fact needs to be first, which second, which next. I use the presentation set-up of: 1 paragraph introduction of what I am about to say, say it, 1 paragraph summery what I have just said.

Writing the paragraph introduction and summery are helpful. Then ordering and editing the 'main part' of my issue helps me understand my thoughts and be very clear on what my issues are.

Once done I then wait. At least overnight.

Next comes spelling, grammar and layout checks. I have to have left and come back to a piece of written work to be able to see my errors. I would be blind to obvious errors straight after writing them. I often print out and proof-read the paper copy. If comfortable doing so, I will ask someone else to read (usually my DH or my Mum) and give me their honest opinion.

As you can see - I place a lot of emphasis on doing this email "right". The process of writing it and editing it are not only helpful, but also prevents me from sending anything in the ranty, anger-fuelled original format.

Sometimes I never send this email once done, the process of writing it was the purpose. But often it is sent, not least because of the emotional investment I have placed in writing it and organising the point I want to argue. But I am always pleased and proud of what I send. The finished-product is always a very different email to the one I first wrote.