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Don't want to be alone with my thoughts

(10 Posts)
eternityleave Sun 07-Feb-16 08:56:44

Really struggling at the moment and I'm not really sure why. In recent weeks I've taken a nosedive where I'm exhausting myself trying to keep my head distracted as I start to think negative thoughts as soon as I'm in 'resting' mode. I've got anxiety but not on any medication at the moment.

Single parent with very little support and this is my weekend with DC - I leaned very heavily on two different sets on friends yesterday who basically did the childcare for me. Today I'm panicing because its just me and the DC with no plans and I don't know what to do.

After DC goes to bed I occupy myself with reading/exercise but even that doesn't make the thoughts go away.

Work is a struggle but provides some kind of distraction from my thoughts, although my productivity has gone down and I'm worrying about that too. But I don't want to be signed off or I'll end up at home alone all day which will be worse.

Help me please? sad

TheHoneyBadger Sun 07-Feb-16 11:56:43

hey. came on this section to start my own thread but saw yours unanswered. how are you doing? have you gotten through the day ok so far?

dangermouseisace Sun 07-Feb-16 12:11:43

hi eternityleave have you taken meds before? If so, could you ask dr for them again? Might prevent being signed off? It's very hard if you can't get away from your thoughts.

eternityleave Sun 07-Feb-16 12:28:59

I've somehow got DC playing next door without really asking them. And am listening to music and frantically cleaning in an attempt not to think about anything. Imagine I'll crash later through tiredness.

Never been on meds before so don't know how they'd affect me.

NannyKaren Sun 07-Feb-16 12:47:22

Dear eternity leave, so sorry you're not feeling great, being anxious about something is frustrating enough but to have these thoughts constantly going round your mind and leave you feeling exhausted must be terrible!
Like TheHoneyBadger, I want to know how you are now; your post was just before 9 this morning, have things improved?

Have you been to your GP, this is a more common problem now then most people think so do feel you can approach them.

Your concerned today about having your DC yet no plans for the day..... and taking a big hit with the guilt thing!
You know, some of the best memories are made not with plans but doing things spontaneously. There must be a park area nearby could you take DC there; I have no idea of their age.

eternityleave, just know there are people out there thinking of you.

eternityleave Sun 07-Feb-16 19:29:47

Thanks Nanny. It was a tough day. I ended up crashing on the sofa for half an hour this afternoon after taking DC to the park for a run (but weather was atrocious here).

I've seen my GP on and off the last few months but they don't think I need ADs. I've had CBT which I didn't find all that useful.

DC now in bed and this is the hardest time of day when I'm sat alone with my thoughts.

daisydalrymple Sun 07-Feb-16 19:56:34

Hi op, do you want to list your thoughts down in a post? Getting them out of your head might help? And if you see them in a list, you can see if there's a pattern / any you can discount / prioritise?

It really might help to talk to your gp again about meds, some of the ADs are particularly good at helping with anxiety. I think most people worry about meds for the first time, but it's literally a chemical imbalance in your brain, the chemicals you need to help you deal with stress become depleted over time when they're over working. It can take meds to help your body start making more again and then you just stay on them a while longer so your body can catch back up.

Also, is it worth writing out a list of activities of things to do with the dcs at the weekend, so you don't have to plan anything too elaborate each weekend? Then you can pick off it, depending on your energy / anxiety levels at the time. What age are your children?

eternityleave Sun 07-Feb-16 20:14:40

DC is 5. I only have them every other weekend (although sometimes weekends without them is worse as I don't have them to distract me and keep me occupied). I've tried to book things in advance to keep our weekends busy but its not possible to have something all the time.

The list of thoughts is a good idea - can't really post them here as they're too identifying.

I've booked an app with my GP for Wednesday just to have a chat.

Exhausted now but if I do to bed too early I won't be able to sleep all night.

daisydalrymple Sun 07-Feb-16 21:10:46

I hope you do manage to sleep restfully tonight.

Re a list of weekend activities, it can be as elaborate or as simple as you make it, but just there as a memory jogger really, for when you really can't be bothered and don't have the energy to think. I used to have one when ds1 was a toddler and dd a newborn. I literally just listed all the toys and games as separate activities, even down to colouring books, play doh etc. just swapping colouring books around helps. And I used to get some of their books out, do some tkts and play libraries (amazing how little you have to do to participate smile )

Just done a new one myself now that dc3 is 15mo. Have fallen into the habit of doing housework / catching up / pop to shops whilst the other two are at school, and I really need to push myself to do a few things just for him. - I too am prone to anxiety, also pnd, have had a stressful few years, so I know slightly where you're coming from, albeit different triggers.

Mostly be kind to yourself. Most 5 year olds I know would be delighted with a sofa afternoon with mum, film, quilt, popcorn smile if you can add a short walk to the morning, and read a story after the film, your day is pretty full!

eternityleave Sun 07-Feb-16 21:33:58

Being kind to myself is something that comes with great difficulty, as all three of the counsellors I've had over the last few years have observed. DC is one of those kids that likes to be occupied all the time too.

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