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I wish I could die in my sleep

(14 Posts)
Imustgodowntotheseaagain Tue 26-Jan-16 23:44:08

It looks stark written down. I was going to namechange but I can't remember my password so here I am.

There's just me. No partner, no kids, NC with family. I come home from work, feed the dog, and wait for another day.

I get on with people but I can't seem to make friends.

I could go to the GP but they can't give me a prescription for a partner or a social life.

I won't harm myself because I'm scared I'd to to hell. But I wish I could turn out the lights and not see another boring, lonely day.

I don't know if I'm asking for anything. I suppose I just want to say it out loud.

Please don't tell me to think of all the terminally ill people who'd give everything for the days that I don't want.

nashley Tue 26-Jan-16 23:46:12

I'm here to listen xxx

Msqueen33 Wed 27-Jan-16 00:01:38

You're not alone. I use to feel like this a lot. Have you tried online dating? Xx

Imustgodowntotheseaagain Wed 27-Jan-16 00:03:21

Thanks, nashley x

I feel such a failure. I'm trying to join clubs and do the practical things but it's so hard.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain Wed 27-Jan-16 00:10:29

I've been thinking about online dating, you hear a lot of horror stories!

nashley Wed 27-Jan-16 00:17:29

I would find it hard to go to clubs etc. for fear of arriving on my own (I have social anxiety).
I'm not in the same situation as you but I love the adult colouring craze that has started. I find it therapeutic and look forward to 'me' time doing it. Does that sort of thing appeal to you?
With online dating, you just need to be wary and always meet in daylight public places after chatting online for a while. My friend married her man that she met online last year and they've just had a baby! It can be amazing x

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 27-Jan-16 00:21:23

You're not alone, I'm here to listen (read).

Your life isn't worth less because you don't have a partner or children, it's worth just as much as someone who does have those things.

FantasticButtocks Wed 27-Jan-16 00:26:40

Does your username mean you live near the sea? Or you don't? Because if not, maybe you should go down to the sea. It always makes me feel better. And I have now moved to the sea.

evenhasawatermark Wed 27-Jan-16 00:34:22

Hi, please don't be alone. I need a friend too. I am in the same state as you even though I have a child. Please feel free to message me x

idlevice Wed 27-Jan-16 13:29:32

Have you actually been to your GP? It might be worth considering some professional MH help to lift you a bit so you have more energy & enthusiasm to try more social stuff. If you are concerned about having a prescription you could ask for a referral instead (or go private if you have the means) so the ins & outs of meds can be properly explained, along with the possibility of a bit of counselling.

Do you go dog-walking with your dog? In some areas there are dog-walking groups you could try joining. And there are all sorts of volunteer opportunities you could fit in around your work of course. Perhaps you have an old friend from earlier in your life you could make contact with? All is easier said than done but if you have the intention then that is a start, and from being extremely anti-med myself to having improved with taking an AD, I do recommend at least trying that route.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain Wed 27-Jan-16 21:05:13

Hello idle and thank you to everyone who has commented. buttocks, I do love being by the sea. I'm quite a way from it at the moment but I shall nake a plan to get a weekend on the coast.

I went to my GP a couple of years ago, she actually sent me for an emergency appointment with a psychiatric team (i don't remember the exact title) but they said they couldn't help me if I didn't want to take ADs. I feel that because I was dressed (on that day, I think i was in pjs when I saw the doc!) and articulate they didn't think I was that bad.

I know I'm sounding like one of those posters with a reason why everything won't work - the local dogwalking groups require that your dog isn't aggressive, mine's a rescue and hates certain breeds. But it's great just to be able to get out with him and say hello to a few of the regulars that use the same paths we do. Not so much fun in the dark, though!

Grapeeatingweirdo Wed 27-Jan-16 21:10:57

OP, you sound like you've had a rough time. Where are you based? You don't have to say the town? You sound like a nice person who deserves a lot better. Here if you would like to chat. Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet. You will get through this. If you're near me (south) ill meet you for a coffee :D

Imustgodowntotheseaagain Wed 27-Jan-16 21:49:37

I'm in the West Midlands, sadly! Thank you for the invitation smile

I feel like I'm good at meeting people and getting on with them but I can't more from that to any closer relationship. I guess it just takes time. I'm lucky at work, they're a nice crowd so I look forward to going in.

holeinmyheart Tue 02-Feb-16 09:44:28

How old are you MGDTTS ? Because it is hard to suggest stuff without knowing how old you are. Some things are age specific.
Personally I don't think you can get out if this hole unless you have some meds or do a lot of physical activities that produce natural endorphins.

I have been where you are are and it is damn painful but our minds control us. I have done the Mindful course and met a really lovely soul mate there. You would get the course free as your GP would refer you.

What about volunteer work? On a Sunday which can be the loneliest day? Your local hospital? Or charities like Homestart that befriend families struggling with young children under 5. Google charaties West Midlands, in your area.

Doing things and occupying yourself every minute does not leave you much time to think negative thoughts. You need to walk fast with your dog, do exercise tapes at home, don't go to bed until you are really tired, listen to radio four extra in bed, ( it has loads of stories and plays to send you to sleep) don't watch scary stuff on TV before you sleep and get a tape of uplifting songs and play them, learn the lyrics and sing out loud to yourself. Anything, except thinking about destroying yourself.

Whatever you think of yourself, I don't even know you and I love you and value you as my heart goes out to you. YOU are VALUABLE

In one of my bleakest periods, despite working full time, I got a job in a nightclub as a barmaid on a Saturday night. I had no one to go out with anyway. It was dark inside and I didn't have to talk to anyone. It was a good way to meet blokes.

Things looked up for me in the end as I met and married a wonderful DH and have children and GC, so there can be happy endings.
Xx

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