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EX wanting to know the ins and outs of my MH and I think he should butt out.

(7 Posts)
dangermouseisace Fri 22-Jan-16 21:01:15


I've recently come out of hospital, I was in (voluntarily)because I had severe depression. I'm doing much better now. My ex has the kids, and is reluctant to give them back, or to give me much contact with them at all.

When it came to signing consent to share information forms, I said I didn't want to share information with anyone without my say so. My thinking being that I didn't want my ex being able to nose about in what I see as my private matters. He's a bit of a power freak. He likes to be 'above' me. I gave permission to talk to my ex about my care as far as it involved the children (who were in my care most of the time prior to hospitalisation) and that was it.

Since I've been out, he hasn't been happy with the MH team saying that it is fine for me to gradually increase the amount of contact I have with the kids. He wants details. He wants to know about my 'treatment and prognosis'. I have said that if he has any questions he can ask me directly. I told him that if there were any concerns about my ability to care for the children, he would have been the first to know as the professionals would have told him as he has 50% parental responsibility in law. He's getting his solicitor to send letters to mine saying he wants more info from my consultant etc and it's all a bit ridiculous. I think I am being completely reasonable in thinking that my medical information is my private business for me to divulge as I see fit and digging my heels in? I don't know about his medical issues, and in fact I don't know anything about his life at all as he is a compulsive liar! Or am I being a bit of an obstinate donkey?

Berthatydfil Fri 22-Jan-16 21:05:57

Ok I know nothing about mental health but is there any reason your consultant could write sow,thing that states you're doing well and should be having contact without disclosing anything confidential.
Eg danger mouse is making good progress and her recovery is continuing and there is no reason she should not have increased contact with the children.

dangermouseisace Fri 22-Jan-16 22:35:39

that's basically what the MH team said berthatydfil (fab name btw) but maybe he needs it on special headed notepaper…

mommy2ash Fri 22-Jan-16 23:00:51

He may well be all the things you say but I wouldn't want to hand my dd over to anyone who has been unwell and is refusing to give me info on that illness or recovery.

I do see where you are coming from op I really do but as a parent I can also see where he is coming from

dangermouseisace Sat 23-Jan-16 08:22:13

momm2ash I'm said to him happy to answer his questions and have told him how I am doing, told him what tests etc they were doing treatment wise, what my diagnosis is, what they were doing with my medication and what support I am receiving in the community. What I don't want is him talking to the MH team behind my back…like if there is a conversation I want to be part of it, not excluded as I'm not comfortable with it. I feel that as I've not been psychotic or sectioned there is no reason why I cannot be the provider of information!

dangermouseisace Sat 23-Jan-16 08:31:21

its like he thinks that getting information from me is not good enough- like I can't be trusted (when I have never, ever done or said anything in the past that would justify that). ExH has used my MH as a term of abuse before- I'm a 'mad bitch' and is also a compulsive and very convincing liar- he cannot tell the truth about anything and told me a web of lies during all the time we were together. Which precipitated me going over the edge- my whole life over the past xx years had been based on a web of lies. I don't trust him to talk to the MH team without me being there as he is playing very dirty with the divorce when it doesn't have to be that way. I don't know if that helps explain a bit exactly why I'm uncomfortable. If he was a normal person then I wouldn't have a problem, e.g. I'd be willing for people I trusted like friends/family to speak to MH without me being there, just not him!

Curlywurly4 Sat 23-Jan-16 10:13:07

Your health information is confidential and can only be discussed with your consent. You didn't consent so that's the end of it. He can't 'over ride' you, although from the sounds of it, he would love to.

He's being an arsehole and if the medical team had concerns about your ability to care for your children they would have contacted social services for them to complete an assessment, which is common place in psychiatric units.

You can by all means have a meeting with your MH team and state before hand what you are happy (or not), to be discussed but there shouldn't be meetings taking place without you present, if that's not what you want and he's being hugely invasive requesting this.

I'm sorry you've had a tough time. He sounds like a piece of work, no wonder you been so low but thank god you're rid. I hope you make a speedy recovery thanks

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