Sorry for acronym overload in the title there. I really don't know if I am being unreasonable or if DH is being unfair. Or even if unfair is the right word to use.
DH has ongoing mental health issues but things are a lot better now than they have been in the past. However, both of our lives (and our children's lives) are still restricted by his MH. For example, he can't cope with having people in our house (not just when he is here - at any time). So I can't invite friends over and neither can the DC. This also extends to the car so I can't offer lifts to anyone. I feel awful when I know that friends need help, for example with childcare for an hour or so, and the natural thing to do would be to offer to have her kids over and I can't offer it. I don't feel I can tell anyone either so they must think I'm just not bothered.
I don't work so a network is really important to me but this is just such an issue. It's not going to change any time soon either. AIBU to feel hurt, upset and angry about this or is that making it all about me?
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Mental health
AIBU re DH's MH?
whenthewindblows · 14/01/2016 11:59
Hi OP. DH is Bi-polar. Just so you know.
I spent a very long time trying to accommodate the triggers. I shrank as a person. I accepted his refusal to take medication for far too long. I wish I hadn't. Long story.
Things are great now. But, I had an awful lot of anger and resentment at the 7 years that he put myself and the DC through. Some of this anger was U, but some was perfectly acceptable.
My GP once told me that my house and my life was mine too, and I had a right to be happy. And that not every single thing can be blamed on MH, some stuff is simply bad behaviour.
Anyway, marriage is about compromise in any event. You are compromising and he is not. I think you need a way for him to give a little too.
wind It sounds very hard. My own DH has never suggested I have ever been anything other than supportive, so I don't think it's fair for him to make you feel bad, you are keeping everything going for goodness sake. I am sure he has come a long way, but I don't think you need to give him a medal 
It's also not fair of him to not have further treatment.
How about you tell him how much of an impact not being able to have anyone round or in the car is having on you, and that you have a right to be happy too? And suggest you both need to find a way to make it work, for both of you?
I don't know the circumstances of your DH's MH, but not allowing visitors or folk in the car seems a bit controlling? That's only gained from you 2 posts, so I am happy to be way off the mark here.
YOU and YOUR mental health are important too. I ended up with anxiety dealing with DH, you matter too
cankles I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! You're already taking on a burden trying to be an emotional support for your DH, which would be difficult enough if you weren't already having to pick up the financial slack at all.
Is there any reason he's not looking for another job? Is he getting counselling/treatment/something to enable him to go back into work? If not, has he applied for ESA/PIP whatever, so that the household isn't entirely dependent on you financially? Depression is a very selfish illness sometimes, but that doesn't give him a free pass to be a git, and you need to take good care of your emotional wellbeing, not just allow him to have all your energy. It's not fair for you to be physically and mentally exhausted: I really think you ought to raise this with him - he might not be able to help how he's feeling, but he does need at least to be aware (and he may very well not be) the toll it's having on you, and do his best to support you too.
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