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Possible narcissistic mum?(3 Posts)
I'm not going to go into description here because it will take forever so I'm just going to list the reasons why.
* I struggle everyday with a son who has adhd & autistic & I get told my sister has it worse than me (she doesn't)
*when I was 8 I was eating some pork scratchings, I'd licked the salt off (random I know) she walked straight through the door, went to get one & asked why the were wet. I told her I'd licked the salt off expecting her to laugh, she told me I was a 'greedy selfish b***h & I'd done it so none could have any'- I just sat & cried, she said it in such a nasty way, she even walked past me on the way back upstairs - I was still crying- & never apologised or gave me a hug. It wasn't that I was selfish nobody had ever asked before & I'd never done anything like that before. Then one day she phones me (about 4 years ago) & is laughing me telling me my niece has done the same thing - but she's laughing about it.
* I always got compared to my sister, why don't I clean for her like she does, why don't I become a carer (as a job not for my mum) like she is. I later became a carer but I knew after becoming one that I wasn't ready for it at 16!
* I always get 'my sisters got problems & needs help', I get 'there's something wrong with you', although it's not said directly iykwim she's at my sisters nearly everyday & I hardly see her but that's not a bad thing
* she dropped me off down the road from a job I was starting 'in case it didn't work out' & because she didn't 'want people to associating her with me'
*one day I was walking out the house to go to my boyfriends (I was about 18) she turned to me & said "I was a big disappointment, I was expected to go far, I was the bright one & I'd really disappointed her & let her down' by the time I got to my bf (my now dh) I was in tears, the thing is she'd never encouraged or supported me in anyway shape or form.
* she helps out a lot In the community & if I ever told anyone this they'd never believe me but that's the worst about being a NPD victim... People don't believe do they?
*i was chronically depressed in my teens & got bullied by everyone, my brother, friends I'd grown up with (because of things my brother said & did - they still don't know that I know of some of the things they did), a teacher at school, strangers in the street (one sprayed alcohol in my face & some shouted abuse) - I was overweight & didn't care about my appearance I even got bullied on work experience which I think may have been due to one of my childhood 'friends'
*^ during this same time my sisters partner lived with us & I was moved out the bedroom we shared & I spent about 4 & a half years sleeping on a camp bed in my mums bedroom (he moved in just before I started secondary & moved out just short of a year before I left)
* I was locked out because I wasn't trusted because I would take things (money? Jewellery you ask? - never in a million years I used to use ('steal' as she worded it) her deodorant because the cheap on she put in the bathroom used to stick my arms together
* during this same time she would take me to my nans & tell her how I didn't help her by cleaning etc - never dawned on her I was depressed & I needed some support, at this time she was too busy running round after my sister
* she took me to a psychologist - not to 'help me' but to 'see what was wrong with me'
* I also had hateful comments of relatives including my nan (who'd always been lovley & my Aunty who only saw me once a year - I was crushed.
*i 'unfortunately' lived with her after I had my Ds' 1&2, ds1 came out of hospital first & ds2 came out about a month later. I was in the kitchen making tea because my Aunty came to visit & I could hear my mum tearing me apart! " she's always late for appointments, never on time, never has bottles ready..."
It was my first ever appointment for them both together I'd always been on time with ds1 & we found the medications blocked the bottles that's why we made them fresh
- I won't go on anymore (though I could) as an adult I've been left with social anxiety, sometimes it's hard leaving the house BUT I love my kids & I think it's made me a better parent I could never say or do anything to my children that I had done to me & I think my sense of empathy to others is over whelming. I always try & look for the good in the bad see the good in others (even the bad ones)
P.s sorry for the long post but thankyou for reading.
Nobody here can diagnose your Mum. If you're still so distressed by some of her behaviour, some counselling for you might be helpful.
And that doesn't mean that the problem is you or that your Mum hasn't done anything wrong but that you can only have control over your life and can't control how your Mum behaves.
Some parents ruin their children's lives way beyond childhood. I so understand your situation. Abusive parents each have their own 'methods' but it all comes down to the same objective: demean, denigrate, diminish, belittle. The result is pretty standard too: insecurity, relationship problems, depression, lack of confidence...
I recognise being 'threatened' with a visit to a psychologist. Mine said they would take me to a psychiatrist - because, obviously, the problems came about because I was 'mad', not because of them.
Honestly, I have only recently understood that I was the child, not responsible for the family's wellbeing or happiness. I'm in my 50s now & starting to rethink what happened in my teens. Everyone thought my parents were lovely. They weren't to me!
Sorry to make this about me. Go to the famous Stately Homes thread & read about other 'survivors' of terrible parents
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