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(10 Posts)
welliesoup Fri 11-Dec-15 10:04:05

Couldn't decide between secondary school or mental health. I've namechanged for this.

Dd1 is 11 and in year 7. I thought she was ok at school. She had been really excited about starting secondary. Looking back she has not been herself for a few weeks - defensive, shouty, but I put it down to tiredness from school. On Wednesday evening she was in floods of tears and said she'd thought about dying. After lots of tears she said she had scary thoughts in her head and she couldn't get rid of them. She has assessments at the moment and I told her not to worry - I know that's a crap thing to say as my mum always said that and it didn't help...I told dd1 that too. With her permission, I emailed the Head of Year. She wants to go to the GP so I have made her an appointment for next week.

HoY spoke to her yesterday and tried to reassure her. Last night, more tears and whilst helping her with her homework I discovered 2 websites open....one was how to tie a noose and the other 7 ways to kill yourself. I asked her about them and she said she didn't know how they got there, then she said she was just curious.

I am in fits of panic - I'm a worrier too. She had more tears as she doesn't know why she is so sad. After asking some questions it became clear that school is the issue - she described feeling lost and terrified in the corridors; she feels safe at home. She said she wanted to go back to primary school and not grow up. I have emailed HoY again and she has replied saying there are various things they can do and they can refer her to a school counsellor. I will chat with dd1 about it tonight.

I can't stop crying - in secret as I don't want dd1 to see. What do I need to do to help her? I felt so sick when I saw those websites.

TheWordOfBagheera Fri 11-Dec-15 11:08:17

Welliesoup it sounds like you are already doing loads of the right things to help your DD. You know what she's been struggling with (so many struggle in private which is infinitely worse) and are having open conversations with her - that's HUGE. It shows her you are supportive and on her side and not being judgemental. She may have even wanted you to see the websites - it sounds like she's comfortable sharing her scary thoughts with you and values your support and comfort - you must be a lovely mummy to her.

Just keep listening and giving hugs. The counsellor and GP are great and will help her get any professional input she needs, so certainly encourage her to pursue them. You can also explain that they may make it easier for her to open up about anything she may not want to tell you.

And flowersflowersflowersflowers for you.

welliesoup Fri 11-Dec-15 12:25:31

Thanks. I'm having so many private meltdowns. I've also discovered today that she's looking at creepypasta...never heard of it until an hour ago. It looks horrible. Scary fictional anime pictures and stories. I don't want to scare her off, but I want to take her tablet away. Is that the wrong thing to do? She has drifted away from me and I feel I don't know her when I see this weird stuff.

welliesoup Fri 11-Dec-15 22:56:19

Dh is so busy and I am paranoid now. I feel like I don't trust her and I can't stop checking on her. I can't eat - lost 5lbs in a couple of days. I feel sick and can't relax. She seems ok, but I have convinced myself she is hiding how she feels now. I need to stop or else I'll scare her off.

She said creepypasta doesn't scare her. It scares me. I think I'm blowing everything way out of proportion. Please help me calm down! I think because this creepypasta scares me I'm convinced that is the problem, not school. When I think logically she seems much happier this evening and of course there is no school tomorrow, so it probably is school.

I'm so tired sad

colouringinagain Fri 11-Dec-15 23:13:53

Wellie ((hug)) you're doing all the right things engaging with dd, school and gp and it is great she's being open with you, though also may be really scary.

Is important to be kind to yourself. Can you make yourself a favourite drink, some chill out music / favourite TV prog and just sit and concentrate on slowing your breathing and loosening up your head and neck. Slow breaths.

Who can support you through this? Husband, friend, family? Keep posting here too if it helps. Take care flowers

welliesoup Sat 12-Dec-15 13:39:41

Dh is around, but so busy just before Christmas. Dd1 has a friend from primary round today. I have found out she is hanging with a goth/emo year 7 crowd. She also has a friend in the year above who has quite dark interests. This is her closest friend and they spend a lot of time together. I have heard today that a friend of this girl had to be pulled away as she was starting to feel very low and lacking any self esteem.

I keep thinking she's only 11. A young 11 at that in the way that at primary school she was very much a primary school child, not one that looked or acted as if they were ready for secondary.

Thanks for replying. I feel that I need more support than she does at the moment! I want to tell her to be herself. She doesn't need to fit into a certain group. It's like she's decided she's not in the rolling your school skirt up and wearing make up group, therefore she must be in this emo group. She keeps mentioning the word emo lately.

colouringinagain Sat 12-Dec-15 21:36:00

I'm not familiar with the emo thing, but I can imagine it's tough to take at the moment. Good to hear she has a friend round though.

Who can you turn to for support? My dh head head major mental health problems over the last few years. In the past its made me I'll too. But more recently I've found I can manage better when I'm well supported by friends family and counselor....

colouringinagain Sat 12-Dec-15 21:36:29

Has had.

welliesoup Sat 12-Dec-15 21:45:32

Feeling much much better. Had a long chat with a friend. She enjoyed having her friend round and later, when the friend had gone, we all watched Arthur Christmas. Through talking to a couple of friends I have found out a few things about this close friend which are not great. Another friend had to pull her dd away as she was getting quite low in self esteem when near. Also that she tried to punch dd1's friend yesterday shock Interesting that dd1 didn't tell me this though. She has always seemed quite sweet. I think dd1 is in the middle of a friendship issue.

colouringinagain Sun 13-Dec-15 21:51:09

Ah glad to hear about your chat Wellie and Arthur Christmas smile Interesting to hear about this friend of your dd - one to watch. Keep chatting so you have some support and also advice re dds friendship. You are doing great keeping up dialogue with dd and looking after yourself. Hang in there fsmile

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