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still not bonded with daughter

(4 Posts)
fairyfairygirl Sun 06-Dec-15 08:33:50

My daughter is now over four years old and I still don't feel bonded with her, I'm trying hard to not let it affect our relationship but I fear that signs are showing. Has anybody else suffered from this?

HannahHobbins Sun 06-Dec-15 08:52:14

Yes I did, my daughter was about three and a half when I felt the fug lift but I hadn't quite realised that it was there in the first place IFSWIM.
I now know it was post natal depression but didn't know then obv or I would have tried to do something about it.
I just did my best and made sure it didn't show to her and although she is not a huggy kind of teenager now, we are close and open if not completely emotionally bonded if that makes sense.
It was harder when I had a second child and experienced what 'normal' bonding is as I realised how unlike that it had been with my first.

Do you feel like it could be post natal depression?

fairyfairygirl Sun 06-Dec-15 09:43:33

Yes, definitely and I have seen a counsellor but I can't say that it has helped, I have two other children who I have a very strong bond with and lots of love and time for. Some days the guilt is too much and I blame myself for the way she is. What helped in your situation?

HannahHobbins Sun 06-Dec-15 10:07:14

Ahhh don't blame yourself love, it's impossible to deal with sometimes.
I don't really know what happened, one day I was walking with her in the pushchair and I honestly felt something lift, like I had had a film over my eyes/brain and it cleared. Without sounding like a weirdo I felt like I could see sunlight again and notice things I hadn't really been aware of before.

Could you explore your options other than a counsellor? I had a fantastic counsellor when I was pregnant a second time and it all came roaring back and I had ante-natal depression. But it only made me feel better while she was actually there, as soon as she left I just felt crushing depression again.

But as soon as I had my second baby I felt a tangible change and it was like an epiphany when it went, honestly as soon as she left my body I felt it. Like someone had turned the lights on. I will go as far as to say it was like a drug induced rush of joy. Totally weird and I am not woo or religious!

I so wish I had gone and got drugs to help me when dd1 was little though it would have saved me years of depression.

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