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Diagnosis received - Borderline Personality Disorder

(12 Posts)
HugAndRoll Tue 01-Dec-15 18:04:10


I'm a poster who ends up disappearing every now and then because life gets too much, but I've posted frequently about my mental health issues.

Today I received a BPD diagnosis. I was wondering if any of you have the same diagnosis, and have coping strategies that work to try and prevent becoming completely out of control emotionally.

Any suggestion, big or small, would be gratefully received.

knackered69 Tue 01-Dec-15 21:50:03

Hi HugAndRoll - I haven't had a diagnosis of BPD - but am sure someone who has will be along soon to give some helpful advice - you aren't on your own x

HugAndRoll Wed 02-Dec-15 02:56:31

Thank you, I know I may be irritating to people here as I flit in and out with problems.

Criminy Wed 02-Dec-15 12:03:10

Hi, I have a diagnosis of BPD. I dispute it though, so the first thing I would say is to read about it and see if it clicks with you. I have 2 friends (who I met in mental health unit) who also have BPD and are (relatively!) happy with their diagnoses.

From our struggles, I would say have you got an advocate? Somebody who can speak for you - partner, parent, sibling...these can be very helpful when trying to access treatment (which is pretty much non-existent where I am).

The only thing that has helped me has been private psychotherapy. When I was stuck in hospital they wouldn't give me any type of therapy, so we managed to find a private psychotherapist who I travelled out to every week. She was great, did a whole combination of CBT, DBT, mindfulness and other stuff. Got me well enough to leave hospital. I had to stop seeing her due to finances though.

I struggle a lot with emotions - controlling them and even recognising them. For a long time I was very mad at myself for having emotions. For example, when I was in hospital and somebody asked about my DC I would cry. No idea why, I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel anything. I was so mad and I suppose embarrassed and disappointed that I was crying, for no reason. But my therapist made me see that actually, being away from my DC for months was actually very sad. And that's ok. It's ok to have emotions.

I've found mindfulness helpful. And grounding techniques for when my thoughts get more and more intrusive and spun-up. (I get very, very intrusive thoughts about hurting myself). Things like looking around and naming something in the room starting with every letter of the alphabet. Or counting forwards in 13s, or backwards from 100 in 3s.

I flit in and out of here as well, depending on how I'm feeling, so sorry if I'm a bit useless.

Hope you're doing ok

ouryve Wed 02-Dec-15 12:05:34

Hi hug. I have no experience of BPD, but it is good to see you popping back in flowers

HugAndRoll Wed 02-Dec-15 14:53:46

Thank you.

I'm looking to get onto a DBT based course, I hear they're brilliant for those who cannot regulate their emotions.

I fit the diagnostic criteria, so I don't dispute the diagnosis; I also have ASD which hasn't been officially diagnosed, but recognised by professionals, and I'm concerned it'll prevent future diagnosis.

I technically don't need an ASD diagnosis, as the help it'd opened up is accessible (technically) with a BPD diagnosis, apart from dealing with my sensory issues which I think I'm just going to have to live with.

Wryip11 Wed 02-Dec-15 14:57:47

Welcome to the 'club' - you might find the 'lost souls lounge' post informative too.
I agree with Criminy, read up and see what fits and what doesn't and don't accept it if you disagree. Trouble is, we are the least likely to be in a position to 'fight' the diagnosis, or even be listened to whilst we try!
I have 4 traits of BPD, which is not technically enough for a diagnosis, but once they saw that mental health workers latched onto it because basically there is nothing much that can be done unless you are lucky enough to be in an area which offers DBT and other therapies which evidence has proved work. This makes it very easy for them to right us off, add the usual 'attention seeking' label and go merrily on their way. I do understand that mental health services are incredibly stretched and workers want to ficus their efforts on people they know they can help but it does leave us in the twilight. The number of times I have been told i cannot access therapy whilst so unstable yet not be offered any stabilisation work is ridiculous. When you add up what it costs the NHS and the police to ignore me until I get into crisis when it suddenly becomes a full blown police hunt, ambulance, paramedics, A&E etc it would surely make sense to reallocate some resources to stopping it happening, but of course it doesn't work that way, different budgets etc ...
Hope I have not made you feel too down, but i have seen so many people with this diagnosis who fall thro the cracks it sometimes helps to be aware of it up front. Now i have no expectations of help so on the odd occasion when i do get something useful it is a nice surprise.
My current care coordinator is really good and helps me see things in a wider picture and also has done some work on crisis management - the immediate plan and how to deal with the extremes of emotion/impulsivity. I hope we can move onto looking at the triggers, but i am learning that it takes time as each step is really hard and i still swing rapidly from high to low between our fortnightly sessions. Sadly I cannot keep her for long term work - different teams etc

Criminy Wed 02-Dec-15 17:18:41

It's interesting that you mention ASD. I had issues when I was a child and teenager and it was mentioned a lot that they thought I had ASD. Then I became ill with PND a couple of years ago after having DC2 to the point where I was referred to perinatal psychiatry. My very lovely psychiatrist independently came up with the idea that I had ASD (actually Aspergers back then). She consulted with colleagues and did test after assessment after test after assessment and I was diagnosed as very obviously ASD. Unfortunately there is no provision for adults with ASD in my area, so when DC2 got too old to come under peri-natal she had to discharge me.

I then got very unwell at the beginning of this year, ended up in hospital, where the psychiatrist there, after meeting me for less than 10 minutes, said she didn't believe in Aspergers and diagnosed me with BPD. (I believe simply because I was female with a history of self-harm). There is no treatment for BPD in my area either, so I got the private psychotherapist, who was actually a very well-respected doctor who as her day job happened to work on a Personality Disorder Unit. She said she was sure I had ASD, and not BPD. She also said that at least 50% of the women admitted into her ward with BPD actually had ASD. There's a whole load of women who have basically been written off as having BPD when they don't. Unfortunately the nature of the beast means we're pretty much ignored.

I say "written off" because that's what it feels like. Even though where I am, there is no treatment for ASD or BPD, I found that people acted far differently - more respectful and helpful, when I had ASD than now I've supposedly got BPD.

Sorry that's a bit of an essay, your post just chimed with me.

I fully agree with everything Wryip11 said too. The ridiculous thing is that I was in hospital for 5 months. The only thing they did was put me on quetiapine (which did nothing except zonk me out). Me being in hospital for that long must have cost tens of thousands of pounds. And yet, if they'd just found a few hundred pounds to fund my psychotherapy I wouldn't have needed to be in hospital. It's utterly ridiculous.

HugAndRoll Thu 03-Dec-15 04:37:03

I don't have a support worker, secondary mental health have discharged me now I'm diagnosed. I need to try and get taken on by primary mental health.

I must admit, I think it is an accurate diagnosis. It really should be taken seriously though, we're more likely to fire from this than the majority of mental health issues (eating disorders aside).

swisscheesetony Thu 03-Dec-15 22:01:08

Yes. 300 times as likely to die as any "normal" person I believe the stats say. sad

I find it all terribly time-consuming dealing with it all. I simply don't understand emotions, to actually sit back and think and assign a "name" to the emotion/trauma I am feeling is utterly exhausting. In many ways it's easier to close my mind and cut all emotions off.

I'm a coooooooooold fish.

HugAndRoll Thu 03-Dec-15 23:11:53

Swiss I totally understand that. My default response when someone asks how I am feeling is "I don't know" because I can't label it.

I'm not cold though. I don't think I could regulate my emotions well enough to even try. I have all of the feels all of the time.

Wryip11 Fri 04-Dec-15 09:49:42

My feeling is that the mental health services are just sitting back waiting for us to do their job for them - if we succeed in completing the S word then it removes one more person from their case load ...
Agree with swisscheese - I don't 'do' emotions at all and find shutting my mind to them much easier.

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