I'm in such a fog with this illness I've lost time. I saw a woman in the playground the other day with her daughter and wondered why the child was so big, I remember her in a pushchair. It's like I've lost my memory or something. I also have trouble with faces, I get confused who people are sometimes. I'm ok with my loved ones but with other people I get mixed up sometimes. It's embarrassing. I want to be the old me again who was well and didn't need medicating.
I can really sympathise. I had PND after DD1 (8.5 years), which never fully went away. I then became very ill after DD2 (almost 6) and was diagnosed bipolar. I've lost count of the number of episodes since 2010. I've had 6 admissions--I am just coming out of an episode of psychotic depression and was discharged from hospital on Thursday.
I love the DDs immeasurably, but grieve for my life pre-bipolar. I am 40 next month and very happy about it. Almost all of my 30s have been dominated by mental illness, medication, admissions and the crisis team. I feel like I've spent the last 8 years just managing to exist.
Glad to hear you're home now dontrun. I too grieve for my old life pre illness but I'm not sure it existed. My illness is episodic but I don't seem to have many periods of full good mental health anymore. I have meds to take which bring me some level of good mental health but along with meds comes fog, obesity and laziness.
I hear you, sister - it seems to be getting worse as I get older, with ever-increasing episodes of poor MH (the current one 9.5 years and counting). I don't have anything cheery to add - but wanted to let you both know you're not alone!