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Fear of my DS vomitting

(13 Posts)
Goldy101 Thu 26-Nov-15 21:39:31

Hi, please help me. I'm a quivering wreck. My childminder called me to day to collect a feeling sick ds1. When I arrived he was bent over the loo retching but wasn't sick. I got him home (shaking all the way) and he seemed to perk up. He has an ice pop and a while later asked for an apple. He took a while to get to sleep saying he feels dead and still sick. I am absolutely petrified he'll be sick. I lay awake at nights waiting for him or ds2 to be sick when he doesn't complain of feeling sick but now he says he feels sick I've gone into meltdown. My dh thinks I'm mad and I need to deal with it. I feel like a useless mum. I hate this sad

FrancesOldhamKelsey Thu 26-Nov-15 21:45:18

Is this emetophobia? Whilst your DH sounds unsympathetic, he has a point in that phobias like this are often very treatable, and all four of you are currently suffering from your condition. A deal with your DH is in order. You'll seek help, and in the mean time he'll deal with anything vomit related.

Hope you and your DS are feeling better soon.

Goldy101 Thu 26-Nov-15 21:52:32

Yes it is emetophobia. I've had a lot of treatment for it over the years but the 'I feel sick mummy' words still send me into a complete irrational panic. I just want to run out of the house and this is before any vomiting has started. I'm such a rubbish mum sad

FrancesOldhamKelsey Thu 26-Nov-15 22:01:24

Oh that sucks if you've had treatment and you're still really struggling. In that case it sounds like your DH is being a dick... unless you suspect he might be right, and actually taking responsibility and dealing with an episode might help you move forward? What do you think?

Flumplet Thu 26-Nov-15 22:17:07

My god I could have written this thread OP I'm exactly the same - the first thing I freak out think about when he looks a bit pale, is that he's going to be sick. I know it's irrational, and if he's sick, he's sick - it's really no big deal - but here's the thing - it means he could have a norovirus and that means I could get sick too. And I have emetephobia. Is it the same for you? Are you afraid of the sick or that you could get sick? My dh is also unsympathetic and says I need to get over it, but it's not that simple.

Goldy101 Thu 26-Nov-15 23:11:30

Well he was sick!! Luckily I'd put some disposal waterproof mats down but most was on his bed sheets and I shamefully admit I've put them in a black bin bag because I cannot wash them out!
He's gone back to sleep so I'm now just waiting for the next bout...shaking...
Flumplet I too fear it being a virus my ds2 and dh get. I will spend the next 48+ hours in a state of fear sad
My dh has said he can't stay at home tomorrow either (it happens to be my day off) so I'm petrified of the thought of being alone. This phobia is so crippling in a silent don't tell anyone way sad

Flumplet Fri 27-Nov-15 07:37:54

Oh dear OP I really feel for you. Bleach is your friend, and so is boots anti viral hand foam - it contains byotrol which 'kills' norovirus. I hope ds gets better soon and that you remain well!

Tate15 Sat 28-Nov-15 03:50:24

Hi, just thought I'd share how I managed to cope with sick children!

Mine are now 20 and 17. When they were small we lived in a flat so the bathroom was always in easy reach.

I realised that they would never put their faces near the toilet and I envisioned having to clean sick up off of the floor and/or clothing, so I taught them that if they ever felt sick to get to the bathroom and be sick in the bath.

The bath can easily be rinsed and cleaned, lessening the time spent on dealing with and smelling the vomit!

This worked very well and only once between the pair of them was there a failure when my daughter was sick in the middle of the night and was delayed scrambling out of bed and only made it to the hall before throwing up!

I hope you can find a way to cope too.

gingerparkin Sat 28-Nov-15 12:15:04

I read your post this morning and wanted to say you are not alone and I understand how exactly you feel about this and perhaps share some things that have helped me. I almost didn't have children because of a fear of vomiting and pre-children any sign of sickness from anyone would have seen me make an emergency exit out of the building.
Of being a parent, it is the thing I absolutely dread and have spent many hours making myself hugely anxious about it. I did have hypnotherapy and I think that helped a bit. Or at least helped me get a bit of grip on myself. My mum had the same fear and weirdly so does her brother (my uncle) and I really wanted my kids to be free from it. The constant vigilence that it can induce is exhausting (checking for people looking ill on the train, avoiding getting too drunk, never taking the last tube home etc).

I realised the primary fear I have is that I will be sick and therefore if people are sick around me, it increases that likelihood. I have found when I am in the heat of the moment though when kids are ill, it's almost never as bad as I fear but it is the anxiety that it produces afterwards that I can't bear. My brain almost goes into crisis mode and I have a series of milestones for the next 76 hours when I am on constant high alert for other people getting ill. It's very lonely. People who don't have the fear, don't understand and because it is all very mundane to them, I often fear a sense of failure for being so ridiculous about it.

But the good news is that it is getting better/easier. I don't know why. Whether it is increased exposure I don't know but I do have sense that I almost got bored of feeling so rigid with fear about it. Now, that's not to say it's plain sailing but I am better at helping myself through it if that makes sense. My husband is good (though he still thinks I'm bonkers) and does help where he can. I make sure I am organised. I have packs of disposable rubber gloves, disinfectant and hospital grade wipes (ordered from amazon). I always take some on holiday and there are some in the car. If my girls get ill, they know the drill. They stay in bed until they are better (with iPad) and can now get themselves to the bathroom on most occasions.

I have realised that they won't always need me to do this, so it isn't for the rest of my life if that makes sense. I am now able to manage the clean-up (I don't trust anyone else to do as thorough) job and am very good at being encouraging and supportive from the bathroom doorway. If I can, I work from home for the few days after so I don't have to travel and if my mind spirals off, I try and distract myself as much as I can (being in the moment telling myself that right now, no-one is being sick and all is ok). watching TV that makes you laugh helps or reading a book you love. Puzzles, anything that brings you back to right now.

So far, my girls seem ok and quite calm if they are ill . They are nowhere as hysterical about it as I was at their age and I am hoping that as they get older it will happen less. I have realised that with good hand hygiene for all you can help prevent it spreading. I think if you can accept it, be kind to yourself about it and then ask yourself what would help and do what you need to do, it's a start. It's also really common I have realised so when you are standing in the school playground, I bet there is another parent who shares the same fear. I wish you all the best....

Goldy101 Sat 28-Nov-15 20:54:28

Flumplet- I didn't know there was an antibac foam effective at killing norovirus. Thanks for the tip.

Tate15 - Thanks for the tip re the bath but the thought of dealing with the plughole afterwards is awful.

Gingerparkin - My fear is more about others being sick than me. I guess it must be a control thing. If it's me I hide away and starve myself for days. I do a lot of avoidance things though like you described. I drive my dh mad with my hand washing and hand wipes before I put them to my face or eat anything. I'm also the same as you re cleaning up. It's definitely the anxiety about when it will happen. I lay awake listening for coughs. If my two don't eat their dinner or I hear there is a bug at school I feel like I'm holding my breath waiting for it to happen. I do prepare things just in case but I can't send the boys to bed with the carpet covered every night just in case. I do worry they will be like me with it. Although after ds1 on Thursday/Friday he commented today on me being the sick clean up lady so clearly he didn't see my I want to run and hide fear. I'm still not at ease waiting for the next one to get's only been 46hours since the start of the sickness so I fear time for ds2 to get it :-(

Thank you all for sharing with me. I am so embarrassed about this fear and fear I'm a dreadful mum.

Flumplet Sat 28-Nov-15 23:08:44

Yes it's got an ingredient in it called byotrol (?sp) which deactivates viruses that do not have an 'envelope' (which I believe is like a shell). It's obvs not 100 per cent but I put some on ds before he goes in to school and I use it throughout the day (I travel on public transport a lot). It's meant to be good.

tallulahturtle Wed 30-Dec-15 21:31:34

You have my sympathies, you are all so much braver than me. I have been emetophobic since at least 7 years old and it impacts on my life massively. No one understands, I have tried hypnotherapy and cbt, neither worked.

The only thing that i feel has helped me is becoming a horse owner, she is my rock, she needs me every day, twice a day so she is my priority, my first thought when i wake up (whereas usually this time of year nv was always at the forefront of my mind).

You all are so much braver than me as I decided years ago that I could never have children, simply as I wouldnt be able to cope if they got ill and I would most likely burden them with my phobia. I am now 30 and still couldnt do it. I have lots of nieces and nephews so aim to be the cool aunt with a horse.

VicWillia Thu 31-Dec-15 15:47:10

You could be me, Goldy. I've suffered this fear for as long as I remember. Mine is so bad, that when I split up with my exh we did 50/50 custody so that I only have to worry about ds being sick half the week sad

The other month he had terrible diarrhoea and started screaming that he was going to be sick. I panicked so much I could only talk to him through the closed bathroom door, even though he was screaming for me. An extremely low moment.

Believe me, we punish ourselves enough so we don't need other people doing it. Being an emetophobic mum is horrible, but it doesnt make us bad mums, because we care. My ds knows that mummy loves him more than anything in the world, but she is a silly mummy because shes scared of people being sick. I play it down and tell him how silly I am. Hugs.

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